Ice cream or God?

We left the house yesterday around 2:30pm with the intent of being gone 'a couple of hours' and instead came home around 10pm. We meandered around in shops and tried a new Thai place... I wish I could report that it was delicious, but my favorite soup [Tom Kah Gai] had a strange after taste and ruined the experience for me. Never disappointing - the Barnes and Noble visit that followed yeiled several new books on my part and Shawn found a magazine with fun new photo shop tricks.

I laid in bed last night and this morning reading the most conversial of my reading selections and was fully prepared to share it with you this morning... We are visiting a church this morning and decided to have a coffee break before taking off downtown. I parked the car and ordered our drinks and began talking with the coffee shop owner and new found friend of mine. She asked what we were up to today and I hesistated to say 'visiting a church'... but I stepped on the limb and said just that.

That was the minute what I had planned to write about in this blog took a drastic change in direction.

Her blue eyes diverted a little and her body language made it clear that she felt suddenly uncomfortable. I tried to ease the blow... 'yeah visitng new churches can be a hard thing'. She searched my face, looking for sincerity. My inner person pleaded with her to find it. She asked which one. I told her. She mentioned the name of a church close to here she had heard about. I recognized it as a place a few of our friends go to....it was a tiny connection point. Then she asked, 'what are you looking for? people or what they are talking about?" Isn't that just the question? "The people are important to me," I honestly responded. She relaxed and I could see thet familiar face of the friend I visited so often in this retro coffee house. I checked myself to make sure I meant that....yep. I can deal with differences on some topics if the people love God and are real. I would much rather be a part of a body like that.

While I was on the tail end of that thought she began to unravel her tragic church experience to me. "I used to be really involved in church when I was little...in the choir, youth group, the whole deal. I was the only one in my family who went and I loved it. Then we had this ice cream social at my school and I had to miss a choir practice...the director said to me 'well then you have to choose- ice cream or God?' I never went back."

It would be hard for me to put words to what emotion hit me like a two by four in that moment...sick, angry...no furious.

You know, I have been holding off letting my friend know that I am a believer...waiting for the 'right time' to let her know I am considered a part of a group known for its self righteous rants and strange verbage and lack of compassion...the group that can't wait to define you as a part of the 'in group' and the 'out group'. I have wanted to just BE a beleiver to her...not even with the hopes that she'll say, 'man, what's different about you?'... but so that I could really love her and be a friend to her....so I could discover if Jesus really lives in me. I have been enjoying the litmus test so far...seeing how Jesus can really be formed in me to love on people without handing them some overly simplified tract, forcing them to think 'if you died today, where would you go?' The fact that there are 'methods' to 'saving people' makes me want to puke, if I am willing to be honest. So here I am,struggling to believe that God draws and saves and that I can be a part of that process by simply loving Him and others like myself... and then one conversation makes me wonder if I even want to be considered a 'Christian'. I know that sounds harsh, but who would want to be aligned with that children's choir director who asks a child 'ice cream or God?" ?!!?!? I would be a complete liar to claim anything else other than my gut reaction is to want to slap that horrible woman and everyone like who uses the love of God to trip other people- especially children.

I can imagine what she was as a little child..coming to church without her fmaily...wanting to love Jesus... wanting to be a part of what children know best is real... Shame on us.

Jesus said of the Pharisees, the following...well its long, so maybe just pick up and read Matthew 23: and maybe it wouldn't hurt those of us who call ourselves "little Chirsts" to read these words and measure ourselves against the complaints Jesus had with the religious of that day. God help us.