sleep depravity...and ode to beth

i am one to miss sleep when things aren't going well and my heart is tired. its strange but the more tired i get, the less i am able to drift off into peace... 'its called insomnia, kate'..yes, i know.

i have been missing my sister and my mom recently as if i will never get to see them again...ridiculous, i know. i will see them both in the next week...still...

i used to love waking up earlier than everyone in the house (and in my house that was a lot of people) so i could have some 'alone time'. i would curl up in a blanket, sit by the fireplace, and read. those were glorious mornings...how can i get back that feeling? i don't really know...there is no fireplace in the studio where we are staying...no familiarity (except that kind which is bred in 2 weeks- calling it familiar is a strech)...and the quietness feels less like comfort and more like sterility with each passing day.

the last couple years of my life have been a wild and suprising trip. the Lord basically stripped me of everything that made me feel like me...writing, acheiving academically, teaching, being in Bible studies, community etc... and it has been really painful, but that pain was eased by the fact i went through it with my sister. yes, she was 15/16 years old at the time and yes, i was selling t-shirts with her name on them...which doesn't seem like a good medium to ease the pain of losing yourself, but that's cause you don't know beth. i might have been a road manager and a merch girl, but i felt like the best one who ever existed...i might have been a chaperone and older sister but she called me sweet friend. it made all the difference. she is unlike any person i know...the best. amazing. in the couple of years she and i spent together 24/7 i think we had (maybe) 2 real fights (that's probably mostly to her credit too).

the fact is, i got spoiled.

there is only one beth in the world i am realizing...only one. and while i am glad for her sake that she isn't a clone, i sure do wish she could be here this morning. i would love to drink some tea with her in total cavewoman style (i wish i had a pic to prove how that beautiful girl morphs at night *grin*) i wish we could pseudo watch fox news together and giggle. i wish i was forcing her to exercise with me so i could watch the funny faces she makes while doing pilates in the hotel room.i wish was trying to cuddle me with her morning breath and oft-hairy legs...yeah i would give almost anything to have her around this morning.



best friends...and really, even good friends...and hard to come by. don't forget to love on yours today.