Ok...well I am back in Michigan..so I guess I never got to write my "ohio" post after all! Its been a really crazy week. I know I am always saying that, but I mean it, friends. Life is really hectic now. I am sure that's not going to change for a long time- like ever.
Anyway, part of the reason its been so full is because we are leaving Saturday for BETHLEHEM. I am serious. We found out a few weeks ago that the offer to be a part of a documentary there was actually going to materialize and since then, we've been nuts rounding up paperwork, arranging schedules, delivering puppies, and getting Cohen a passport. Yes, he has to get one. How funny is that? Seven months old and already getting traveling documents. I guess he did go around the world when he was in utero...but this will be the first trip that he's been on where we know his gender and name. So yeah, let's just call this his first trip. His first Christmas- in Bethlehem- well almost. We leave for Oregon on the 23rd. So we'll just miss it by a few days. Anyway, we are SUPER HONORED to be a part of this documentary and I will post more info as to when its coming out and all that jazz. And I promise to post lots of pics when we return. Shawn's an amazing photographer so I am sure they'll be great...we are spending the first 2 days in Jerusalem. I cannot believe I just typed that.
Someone pinch me. Please.
You know something? I am going to be real honest with y'all. When we didn't know if we were going to be invited to go or someone else...the "someone else" turned out to be the Shanes and my sister. Now I found that out because Mom came home and said "guess who else is going to Bethlehem with you? Beth!" and she told me how the Shanes were going and everything and instantly my heart sunk. Because I knew it wasn't an "also" situation, but more of an "either or" kind if thing. I didn't know that Mom had misheard and that it was only a possibility that they were going. So I reacted in the most Mature, Christian way....I wish. No, I started to cry. I felt jealous. I felt stupid. I had already told people it was 90% that we were going. Now, it wasn't going to be me...it was going to Beth. I talked to her and she was iffy about going...(shane's first Christmas without his dad and Beth wasn't sure they should be without his mom, but who could turn down Christmas in Bethlehem?) I wanted to be happy for her, but to say I was disappointed would be a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I cried all day on and off until I finally pulled it together. I felt pangs of hurt even when I realized it wasn't a sure thing...I felt bad for myself...the last few months have been the most painful of my life and this trip felt like the perfect present in the middle of the murkiness. I felt a little angry as I told Mom "I know they'll choose the Shanes and they aren't even sure they want to go". It was pathetic. I was being really childish and poor-me-ish. I wish I could blame it on hormones, but it was just ole Kate...in the FLESH (I mean that in a spiritual sense) By that night, I really was ok and happy for them to go and I wrote the film place and felt good and honest about writing "you will be happy with whomever you choose..the Shanes and Shawn are both awesome and wonderful people."..because I meant it. I love them all and knew I could be genuinely happy for them if the situation called for it. But that night, as I laid down to bed and prayed...I said "God, I am not testing you. But to be real, I so need to feel like you love me. I feel like so many thing have gone awry in my life and this trip is just a trip, but I really wanted it. I wanted to SEE Jerusalem and Bethlehem. I wanted to come alongside this documentary. Whatever happens, I will be ok. Just had to be honest with you." And I went to sleep really at peace. And really wanting to feel like God would pull some strings for me...Admit it, you've felt that way. Like you wanted God to act like a doting Daddy.
So when they called, I was surprised, honestly. And I did feel a little redness in my cheeks...a little flushing...a little hoping that God was saying "you are a piece of work, missy! But I love you anyway"
okay..so this got way off of target... thanks for being my online confessional here *grin*
Hey, I have BIG NEWS. I will be posting a button soon to go to the ENGAGE THE JOURNEY 2008 site!!!! I will post more details of what that is, for those of you who didn't hear about or participate in Engage the Journey 2006. Anyway, its basically a read through the Bible in a year study online... the readings are CHRONOLOGICAL...and the best part? Being part of a community...reading what others are learning...talking about controversial topics...sharing your own journey and learning tons along the way! Last time, people of all ages, from all over the globe participated...SO if you are interested, spread the word! I will post the button and also the html so you can add the button to your site, myspace, or blog to invite others!
Toodles, friends! More later! (like tomorrow!)
Kate
Monday, December 10, 2007
Christmas in Bethlehem- well, almost
Posted by Kate McDonald at 8:31 AM
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9 comments:
Kate, I can SOOO relate to your story. I have been there many many times and hated feeling jealous and hoping that God would pull some strings. But like you prayed....sometimes, sometimes you just need to know God loves you and will do something that you really need at that moment, or that you think you need.
I'm jealous that you're going!!
Wow! Okay, I absolutely loved this post. For starters, thanks for being honest. I'm sure it would have been easy to just post "oh yeah, I'm going to Bethlehem" and be done with it. I think it's awesome that you had the guts to say you were crazy jealous and struggled with it. Why do we get the mindset we're not supposed to talk about negative emotions? (I mean that as a general attitude among people)They're just as real and important as the positive ones. This trip will now mean SO much more than if it'd worked out perfectly in the beginning. Isn't God cool? He loves us so much, he uses our weakness to turn a good gift into a GREAT one. :)
I'm green, but very excited for you. Can't wait to see pics!!
I know how you feel! There is a story like this in the movie Little Women. Have you seen it? Jo has been dreaming for years and years of going to Europe, and finally her younger sister, Amy, gets the chance to go, and Jo says, "Europe? My Europe?" in the most devastated way. That's what it reminds me of...
Thanks for being so honest. Isn't it amazing how childish we can still be? I am that way often, even though I hope I am growing. And that is SO so SO exciting that you get to go to Israel! That's been a lifelong dream of mine. Have a WONDERFul trip.
Kate, thank you for being SO honest; even if your honesty revealed certain things that you maybe didn't want others to know... jealousy being one of them.
I have to admit something though. I've been quite jealous of quite a few people lately - first it was people who were going to India, and then Asia and now it's anyone going outside of America. I'm part of GFA and I had planned a trip to India for this upcoming Summer and things happened on my behalf that made the trip completely impossible to be made. When you shared what you had prayed it reminded me of a prayer and time with God that I had recently - based upon India and similar to what you said. Anyway, ALL of this to say - I know exactly what you mean!
So, you are for sure going to Bethlehem then? Who is it that's going with you?
How amazingly awesome! I love your honesty, Kate! I'm so excited for you guys & little Cohen too hehe, I want to see his passport photo (; You'll have an amazing experience! My husband & I went to Israel during our first year of Masters Commission (before we were "us" hehe) in '02 and just to see first hand, walk where Jesus walked, see the locations where miracles took place...its pretty much as close to Heaven on earth as you can get. Brings back so many memories, I'd love to travel there again as a family. Post lots of photos afterwards (: And ENJOY God's favor upon your life! (:
Blessings!!
I'm really excited Engage the Journey is starting up again- it gives me a kickstart and hopeful feeling to be back in the community, reading through the Bible again. It was such a blessing to me in 2006, and there was so much I came across that I wanted to revisit again- so, I'm glad to get the chance! Thanks so much for getting it together---
Bethalps, from the Journey '06
hey girl, I was going to see if you wanted to exchange emails. mine is eolmstead86@gmail. Hopefully we can catch up on life sometime soon. I know you are busy especially in the season it sounds like you are in, so I hope that you enjoy your time in Bethlehem and that you find some moments just to be still. hope to hear from you soon.
Kate - Christmas in Bethlehem would be AMAZING. How awesome that you might be going - can't wait to see and hear how it all goes!!
LOVED those new pics of Cohen too - what a handsome little guy!
I just heard the entire cd of a "new" artist, Kathryn Scott, and wondered if you'd heard of her. If you haven't, you have to check her out!! She wrote the song "Hungry" that is sung (sang?) in churches all over the country and just released a cd called I Belong. Just in case you were interested in someone new. (Sandra McCracken is another new one - new to me - that I'm really LOVING. She's married to Derek Webb...anyway, just in case you were looking for some new music to take on your trip!) ;)
Oh yeah, if you are still looking for independent musicians- check Amy Stroup out. She's an indie musician based out of Nashville- good stuff!
Beth
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