The Meaning of Meaningfulness

I do some of my very best thinking in the gym…I know that probably sounds weird, but its true none the less. Gyms and empty coffee shops with free wireless internet...where the outside sound is muted by the music channeled to my ears from my computer- these are the two places that my hurried and disorderly thoughts get into line.

I hate the magazines in gyms. I have come to believe that they exist only to make women like myself feel discontent that God would dare to make me without air brushing away my imperfections. So I have gotten into the habit of taking a book with me to read while I am biking or stair climbing…(I can’t suggest reading while running on a treadmill though unless you feel like reviewing the contents of your stomach or worse: falling off the back and getting ‘tread’ marks on your chin…I saw someone do that once and it didn’t look too fun!)

Experience has taught me to take a smaller book with bigger print. I was looking for one such book tonight and came across one: The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. I sized it up, realized I had been meaning to read it for a long time now, and tucked it under my arm on the way to the car. (the gym is a 5 min. walk from our house & wish I could walk, but after dark the world isn’t safe for women…and it’s a shame too because tonight is one of those nights when the air smells particularly inviting and I would have enjoyed an extra 10 minutes of it before bed)

I am getting to a point here. Sorry for wandering so much- man! See how disordered my thoughts are when I am not at one of those two thinking spots? HaJ

A quickie ‘visit-to-the-gym-so-I-can-sleep’ (I am an insomniac, wearing myself out physically sometimes helps) quickly became a two hour visit because of that little book. I biked my brains out. I literally couldn’t stop biking because that would mean I would have to temporarily put down that small book. Captivated. You MUST buy/borrow/steal- anything to get this book (okay, maybe not steal, but anything else) I know I am always suggesting music & books on here, but these last two suggestions are especially strong…The Barbarian Way & Sara Groves “Add to the Beauty”…

The long & the short of this book is that the way of Jesus is, in fact, off the beaten path…barbaric in more ways than modern Christianity wants to admit. McManus asserts that Christianity has lost its way and become ‘civilized’; that it has been added to the list of world religions and stopped there. It was not meant to be this way.

Jesus said the Kingdom is advancing and that ‘forceful men take hold of it’… I have always loved that phrase from the New Testament. It seems so unlike the Christianity I have seen and although I don’t know exactly what it means that phrase has whispered a mystery in my ear and has had me wondering ever since. Most of the men and women I see at the head of the Christian hierarchy seem anything but forceful and a lot more like they are forming and shaping and directing something rather than taking hold of it. I can’t help but like the mental image of taking hold better… like a small child grabbing hold of the tail of a wild and fierce dragon powerfully slicing through the air… so much better than the PTA-like way the church is currently run. (notice, I didn’t say Church, as in body of Christ because the body of believers in the world is being moved by its head, which is Christ…but that’s the topic for a book, not a blog)

McManus begins his book with one of the wildest characters in the Bible: John the cousin of Jesus, who prepares the way for Him. The description of John is worth noting…he eats honey & locusts and wears a cloak of camel’s hair. He’s a bold man, calling out the religious of the day, all the while baptizing those who wanted something more real than the Pharisees offered. John doesn’t live long though. He gets imprisoned and then beheaded. He and Jesus have one last conversation before he dies…but its not some face to face, heartfelt cousinly type of thing…its not even face to face. Jesus knows that John is in prison; he knows John will die and He doesn’t go to him. Instead He continues to proclaim the good news about the Kingdom. Apparently this seemed as strange to John as it probably does to you because he sent word to Jesus and simply asked, “are you the One? Or should we look for someone else?” My translation: “where are you? Would the One leave His cousin to die in prison if He had the power to save him?’

Jesus’ answer is stunning. He simply tells the messenger to report what he has seen. Lame men are walking around (probably dancing), blind men are watching the sunset for the first time, and the poor have uncovered hope in finding that the first are really last and the last first. The answer seems so obvious: Jesus is the One. But then He adds something that doesn’t seem so obvious “blessed are those who don’t fall away because of Me”.

This is another one of those mysteries that I have come back to again and again in my life, but two things are readily apparent against the backdrop of the unknown in His words. 1.) some will fall away because of Jesus and 2.) you are blessed if you can see Jesus for who He is (as opposed to seeing Him as a commodity) and stay put

John heard what Jesus was saying….yes, I am the One and no I am not coming. I can imagine he swallowed pretty hard at that point… I sure would have.

It’s a hard thing to come to grips with the fact that the statement “I am the One” doesn’t mean you get to keep your life….it doesn’t mean a whole lot of things that we want it to. It doesn’t mean you’ll have a great job or successful job (or even ministry) or make lots of money so you can support missions. It doesn’t mean your marriage will be easy or that your children will follow Jesus. It doesn’t mean you won’t fight depression or your weight or any other ‘thorn in your flesh’. It doesn’t mean you won’t have fertility problems or acne or even that you will get to be beautiful and rich and influential for Jesus. Its not a deal and it comes with only one guarantee: it will cost you your life. Period.

At this point, I am at the height of biking my brains out and reading and thinking myself into a little fury with all of these thoughts and with one sentence, McManus knocked me out. (KO’d if you’re into boxingJ)

“Jesus didn’t come to save you from suffering and pain, but from meaninglessness”

I shut the book slowly, got off the bike, and came home. The air probably smelled just as sweet on the way into the house as it had on the way, but I didn’t notice. My brain was (and is) camped out on that thought. [I don’t even remember closing the front door….note to self: might want to double check that one]

Meaninglessness.

Everyone I know and have ever known is either in hot pursuit of the meaning of life or trying as hard as they can to avoid the question. (keeping busy seems to be the drug of choice here in America). A lot of things in the world are sad to me, but the worst thought I can come up with is that maybe all of it is void of purpose. [I must not be alone… how many copies of ‘the purpose driven life’ have been sold?] To me, it’s worse than the rampant racism, growing poverty, and even the sexual scars that plague humanity. It’s worse than all the natural disasters for all of time put together. Why? Because it means none of that even matters. But even worse, is that without meaning there can be no redemption- the two go hand in hand. Redemption gives meaning to our lives and when are lives are truly meaningful we participate in the redemption that is unfolding….the same redemption story that began with creation and will culminate one day with the return of Jesus! (come, Lord!)

Jesus didn’t come to save John from being murdered. “too small a thing” …that was God’s answer (through the mouth of Isaiah) to a people who wanted a political king when He had provided the Savior of the world. Small thinking. Jesus had a bigger plan and John died but the legacy of his valor lives on. His life was short, but did not lack in the meaning department. His life wouldn't stand alone in the history books, but rather ws grafted into the bigger picture...it became an intentionally placed building block...

I am coming to terms with my life these days. (I don't mean that in a 'ugh..woe is me, this is my life' kind of way... I just mean honestly looking at who I am created to be and the part of the play I was put into...)Its been a sticky process, for sure, but I think tonight was a milestone. When I really think about it, I know my heart yearns for meaning…the moments I walk in that are the moments when I really feel alive and the most like myself. But like the rest of humanity I fight the shallower ‘wants’.

The post right before this one, I just put up lyrics from a Sara Groves song that have really been moving my heart… its basically a story about a conversation a couple has after a fight has simmered down. She asks why he turned around for home in the middle of a dead sprint to anywhere else and he answers “I always knew you loved me even if I had broken your heart, I always knew there’d be a fresh place to start” She asks why he stayed when he found out who she really is and he says “I knew it might take you awhile to do the right thing, but I knew you would.” She says that belief probably saved her life. The chorus is “love wash over a multitude of things…make us whole”

Those are probably the best words I have heard put to the experience of marriage. I could have written those words. I’ve been in that conversation.

I am just learning that a big chunk of my meaning in this life is my marriage. God said to me not that long ago in the middle of a stormy pause “you aren’t in this marriage for you.” It was a serious spanking. I have been thinking since then how I need to adjust my thinking and focus on how I am in this marriage for Shawn. Small thinking- I am your modern day example.

Sure, God will use this marriage to hone and perfect Shawn and i along the way, but just as I was writing the last few paragraphs I finally realized what God was saying to me. I am in this marriage for Him- Him as in God, not Shawn.

I wanted marriage to be easier. Sure, during the engagement I assured friends and family I knew it was going to ‘take work’ and ‘be hard’- and I meant it with all of my inexperienced self, but still I wanted it to be easier. Its not. I wanted la-la-la honeymoon bliss and instead I got the wounding and healing work of redemption. I was given the chance to have a meaningful existence… my tailor-made opportunity to participate in the inner workings of the Kingdom.... my opportunity to have my life grafted into the bigger story and my building block placed in its proper place at the bulding site...

Did you know what topic Jesus talked about the most while He was in bodily form on earth? The Kingdom of God. When Jesus taught the how to pray lesson, he could’ve said a lot of things…instead he said a few and included this request “your Kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven”…hmmm…Yes I am intrigued by that… [and I think that has something to do with why I am loving Sara Groves’ new album - its all about the kingdom.]

So we must conclude that the meaningfulness of our lives is found in the context of the Kingdom…but what does that mean?

In recent times I have become quite curious about the particulars of the Kingdom of God… But you don’t hear it talked about much, do you? When was the last sermon you heard that focused on the Kingdom? When was the last time you discussed with your best buddy what the
Kingdom is really about? …………….. that’s what I thought.

Well, maybe its time to re-open that discussion…

I will leave you a few of the things I am chewing on and then another one of Miss Sara’s lyrics…

how do we follow after Jesus HONESTLY in the days in which we live? What kinds of Christian are we- business meeting Christians or the locust and honey kind? Would we rather have meaning or a pain-free life? (I am afraid the two are mutually exclusive) How does the meaningfulness in our lives relate to building the Kingdom of God? And then maybe we should all read this lyric for awhile and really just think about the what in the heck the Kingdom of God is! (Jesus’ words are a great place to start & if you like to read to music, “add to the beauty” is good thing to purchase from iTunes.)

Love you all. Thanks for reading this… I know its long, but I pray God uses it your life despite the wordiness.

G’night



Kingdom Comes
by Sara Groves

When anger fills your heart
When in your pain and hurt
You find the strength to stop
You bless instead of curse

When doubting floods your soul
Though all things feel unjust
You open up your heart
You find a way to trust

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

When fear engulfs your mind
Says you protect your own
You still extend your hand
You open up your home

When sorrow fills your life
When in your grief and pain
You choose again to rise
You choose to bless the name

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming

In the mundane tasks of living
In the pouring out and giving
In the waking up and trying
In the laying down and dying

That's a little stone that's a little mortar
That's a little seed that's a little water
In the hearts of the sons and the daughters
The kingdom's coming