a fitting farewell

i hate funerals...but then, who doesn't? [i have an uncle whose wife's dad owns a funeral home. i have always wondered: how do get into THAT?] i am blessed, though, that my grandmother decided to be cremated...no obligatory stares at a dead and empty body..none of that eerie thick feeling in the air that the presence of a cold body brings with it...no having to think 'she didn't really look like that'...

as we rode to the memorial service, everything in me was dreading the hours that were lying fatefully ahead. i knew the realization of never seeing her alive again was bound to settle into my life at break-neck speed, pounding reality into my mind. instead i left that evening with a greater sense of hope than i have recently experienced. i wanted to share with you a little about the evening we shared, celebrating her life and giving her a formal goodbye.

my mom is the seventh of eight kids...four boys and four girls, the order goes like this: dale (preacher in springfield, oh),. denny (missionary and karate champion), david clyde (musician and circulum writer), alene (legal secretary), jenny (nurse), debbie (painter and counselor), tina my mom, and james (lives in canada with his partner and works in social services). all but the last one has kids, many of whom have their own kids now. we are a large family!

there have been several notable rifts in this close family, the oldest daughter has estranged herself from us after a recent divorce and the youngest son has felt like his liberal views and lifestyle have distranced him from the two oldest men, who are preachers.

so sometimes family events can be .... well, explosive.

david clyde sang before the service..old hymns..just like grandma asked him to,. he barely got through it. dale shared a mini-sermon, also like grandma had asked. grandma's preacher shared with us his thoughts and the churches great love for grandma. she was a passionate teacher...in fact, she taught a Bible survey class for the church and wanted to teach another class. he told her 'no' because of her age and health only to find a note the next day on his desk that said only this "i am immortal until Jesus decides to take me home"...she was an amazing, one-of-a-kind lady. then we watched a sweet picture slideshow set to tear jerking songs...then something took place that i will not likely ever forget it is so imprinted in me (aunt jenny dreamed it and then made it happen- i think it was directly from the Lord)...

there was a tall candle lit at the front of the sanctuary near the picture of my grandma and surrounding it were eight tea light candles . dale walked up took the tall candle and lit the first tea light...then denny came and hugged his brother, took the tall candle and lit the next tea light...then alene...david clyde,jenny, debbie, mom and last james. i let out the sob that had been so far stuck in my throat as i watched this quick and powerful symbol take form in front of me. beth had her arm around my shoulders the whole service. i heard her suck in a deep breath and looked at her to find what i expected...a red and tear stained face. i whispered into her hair, smelling that familiar 'beth scent', and said 'do you feel it too?' she nodded. we didn't have to express the what was being felt it was so obvious...God's moving to heal the sutures in our family...i sensed it so deeply that the feeling took over my soul and then enveloped my whole body.

i no sooner felt that rapturous hope, then doubt set in. i thought about those sutures...the feelings that have been hurt, the lies that have been told and i wondered if it would ever happen...just then (isn't the Lord timely) my cousin aj announced that he wanted to sing a song for grandma. he got up and sang a rich mullins song called 'stand' -

"if it stand, let me stand for the promise that you will pull me through
and if i can't let me fall on the grace that first brought me to you
and if i sing let me sing for the joy that has born in me these songs
and if i weep let it be as a man who is longing for his home"

-at just that moment doubt was an ugly monster in my heart, beheaded and taken down by the truth. you see, a year ago, i was clinging to aj's neck , weeping, begging him to come back to Jesus..begging him to live. he was thin and sickly from the drugs and running from God. to see him healthy, alive, with his eyes shining, singing to God, taking the bold initiative in front of the whole family...well that was proof enough for me that God really is in the business of changing lives..of healing the sick and binding up the wounds incurred by this life.

it was a fitting farewell for a woman who followed Jesus right out of her orphaned childhood into a legacy larger than she ever imagined....

*one cool note, my grandma spent her life trying to find her family and died without accomplishing it...at the memorial service, a very old woman came up to us..she looked just like my grandma...the same exact swimmingly blue eyes and tiny frame..she had seen the obtiuary in the paper- she was my grandma's first cousin. isn't God good? i hope she's smiling in heaven over that one*