the brood of beautiful girls

i have told you about these beautiful girls that God gave to our friends pastor jason and heidi...now i am happy to show you! taylor (tay) is on the far left. she's four and shawn's little buddy. kami is in the middle. she's such a little adult at 8! and aly is on the right...i am pretty sure no one else has ever made me think more of beth!

Impenetrable

Impenetrable.

A good description for a wall...or maybe a fortress. Not such a great description for a person.

I mean who wants to be thought of as:

1. not penetrable; that cannot be penetrated, pierced, entered, etc.
2. inaccessible to ideas, influences, etc.
3. incapable of being understood; inscrutable; unfathomable: an impenetrable mystery
4. Impervious to sentiment or argument: an impenetrable heart.

Not the way you always dreamed being thought of, huh?

Yeah, me either.

Pastor Jason, Shawn, and I were sitting at their counter height dining table (love it!) talking about life and our marriage...well, Shawn and I's anyway... I suppose you could rightly call it marriage counseling, but there are no couches involved...nothing formal...just friends learning from their pastor...

Jason was asking each of us questions and for the most part, they were ones I expected. But when he said, "Kate, what is this thing in you...this impenetrable quality....?" As he went on, the only word bouncing around in my head was- you guessed it - impenetrable.

I fumbled with my answer, taken completely off guard...(something I pride myself in NOT happening often)...I went here and there, remembering random events in High School, siting my parents' personalities...even going as far as to blame birth order.

I knew I wasn't getting anywhere from the look on both of their faces. At the time, Jason said "hmmm" and went on.

But later...when I was alone..just driving back to Ohio, I had to give myself a good grilling.

I mean...impenetrable?!??! Me!?!? Kate McDonald...impenetrable?

I realized either these two who know me so well are WAY off or I am not seeing myself quite clearly these days. I tried hard to convince myself it was the former, but after some arguing, even I couldn't make that case.

I asked myself..."okay, self..what is this internal fortress? Has it always been there? If so, why? And if not, when did it get erected and under what pressure?"

I can remember crying more easily, laughing more freely, opening up without regard for what might happen... But when I tried to think of an instance since college, I could only come with a handful of truly vulnerable moments and most of the time, I was stretching it to make them fit the description.

Ouch. I know you are probably thinking "wait a second, Kate! You are vulnerable on this blog all the time...okay more often in the past, but still..." And I thank you for your kind and generous thoughts toward me, but the darn, plain truth is that I there is a big heart difference between being transparent and being vulnerable. The two can go together, but they don't always. I am good at being transparent and strain and fight against being vulnerable as hard as Cohen fights his nap time. we are in Panera and Shawn has been walking and bouncing him for over 40 minutes...eyes still open and he's still babbling "da da da..na na na!" at the top of his little voice! The apple doesn't fall from the tree, folks.

So now its time to start unraveling that mess.

Pray for me. I need it.

Christmas in Bethlehem- well, almost

Ok...well I am back in Michigan..so I guess I never got to write my "ohio" post after all! Its been a really crazy week. I know I am always saying that, but I mean it, friends. Life is really hectic now. I am sure that's not going to change for a long time- like ever.

Anyway, part of the reason its been so full is because we are leaving Saturday for BETHLEHEM. I am serious. We found out a few weeks ago that the offer to be a part of a documentary there was actually going to materialize and since then, we've been nuts rounding up paperwork, arranging schedules, delivering puppies, and getting Cohen a passport. Yes, he has to get one. How funny is that? Seven months old and already getting traveling documents. I guess he did go around the world when he was in utero...but this will be the first trip that he's been on where we know his gender and name. So yeah, let's just call this his first trip. His first Christmas- in Bethlehem- well almost. We leave for Oregon on the 23rd. So we'll just miss it by a few days. Anyway, we are SUPER HONORED to be a part of this documentary and I will post more info as to when its coming out and all that jazz. And I promise to post lots of pics when we return. Shawn's an amazing photographer so I am sure they'll be great...we are spending the first 2 days in Jerusalem. I cannot believe I just typed that.

Someone pinch me. Please.

You know something? I am going to be real honest with y'all. When we didn't know if we were going to be invited to go or someone else...the "someone else" turned out to be the Shanes and my sister. Now I found that out because Mom came home and said "guess who else is going to Bethlehem with you? Beth!" and she told me how the Shanes were going and everything and instantly my heart sunk. Because I knew it wasn't an "also" situation, but more of an "either or" kind if thing. I didn't know that Mom had misheard and that it was only a possibility that they were going. So I reacted in the most Mature, Christian way....I wish. No, I started to cry. I felt jealous. I felt stupid. I had already told people it was 90% that we were going. Now, it wasn't going to be me...it was going to Beth. I talked to her and she was iffy about going...(shane's first Christmas without his dad and Beth wasn't sure they should be without his mom, but who could turn down Christmas in Bethlehem?) I wanted to be happy for her, but to say I was disappointed would be a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I cried all day on and off until I finally pulled it together. I felt pangs of hurt even when I realized it wasn't a sure thing...I felt bad for myself...the last few months have been the most painful of my life and this trip felt like the perfect present in the middle of the murkiness. I felt a little angry as I told Mom "I know they'll choose the Shanes and they aren't even sure they want to go". It was pathetic. I was being really childish and poor-me-ish. I wish I could blame it on hormones, but it was just ole Kate...in the FLESH (I mean that in a spiritual sense) By that night, I really was ok and happy for them to go and I wrote the film place and felt good and honest about writing "you will be happy with whomever you choose..the Shanes and Shawn are both awesome and wonderful people."..because I meant it. I love them all and knew I could be genuinely happy for them if the situation called for it. But that night, as I laid down to bed and prayed...I said "God, I am not testing you. But to be real, I so need to feel like you love me. I feel like so many thing have gone awry in my life and this trip is just a trip, but I really wanted it. I wanted to SEE Jerusalem and Bethlehem. I wanted to come alongside this documentary. Whatever happens, I will be ok. Just had to be honest with you." And I went to sleep really at peace. And really wanting to feel like God would pull some strings for me...Admit it, you've felt that way. Like you wanted God to act like a doting Daddy.

So when they called, I was surprised, honestly. And I did feel a little redness in my cheeks...a little flushing...a little hoping that God was saying "you are a piece of work, missy! But I love you anyway"

okay..so this got way off of target... thanks for being my online confessional here *grin*

Hey, I have BIG NEWS. I will be posting a button soon to go to the ENGAGE THE JOURNEY 2008 site!!!! I will post more details of what that is, for those of you who didn't hear about or participate in Engage the Journey 2006. Anyway, its basically a read through the Bible in a year study online... the readings are CHRONOLOGICAL...and the best part? Being part of a community...reading what others are learning...talking about controversial topics...sharing your own journey and learning tons along the way! Last time, people of all ages, from all over the globe participated...SO if you are interested, spread the word! I will post the button and also the html so you can add the button to your site, myspace, or blog to invite others!

Toodles, friends! More later! (like tomorrow!)

Kate

stranded in MI

sorry i haven't been updating on here, friends. i have been up in MI visiting with the hubby and our dear friends the holdridges. i spent one whole day just getting here. just in case you are wondering, a 4 hour drive with a 7 month old baby is really more like 6.5.

its something to think about when you have a small child and you are planning a trip. not only do you have to plan around traffic in the cities you are passing through, but you also have to plan around nap time. and even then, a 4 hour nap is somewhat unrealistic to hope for...even for an idealist like myself. so basically, all of the planets have to align and your bladder has to hold out in order to travel in the same manner as you did before the child.

BUT i won't complain because we did make it. and i didn't completely lose my sanity. (and yes, i do want a pat on the back for surviving 2 straight hours of blood-curdling screaming, ok?)

its been a good trip...the little town here is really quaint and friendly, just like shawn described and i was glad to get driven around and introduced to the area. i was also glad for some good conversations with our friends and their beautiful brood of girls.

i was going to leave this morning for ohio and i got about a half hour away when my mom called me frantically and told me about the storm. i pulled off on rest stop, nursed cohen and talked to the state highway patrol. and we went back. shawn was supposed to go to Oklahoma today but his flight got cancelled. so it worked out.

we're chilling in the local coffee shop. good times. the music stinks here..."ghost busters" was just playing a second ago. seriously. in a coffee shop. so i would write more but it "Busted" the writing vibe..so look for a better, more interested post once i make it home, ok? i need to respond to many of you...thanks for your comments. and thanks for the Christmas ideas! i am already implementing several of them!

until then, friends...
kate

you asked for it...

ok, maybe not YOU, but someone asked for some new cohen pics...here you go!


checking out my rad shoes for uncle aaron's wedding


good choice, mama!


enjoying uncle jojo's soccer game


front porches are made for fall!


daddy's new light toy is super interesting!


not so sure about this, mama


wait! nanas (bananas) are yummy!

he's a chin man

so we made our first trip to the ER last night...cohen has a severe upper respiratory infection. we had been up two nights ALL night (that's not an exaggeration) with him, but last night (thanks to some prescription strength cough medicine) we finally got some sleep.

and it was sweet, friends. i didn't see the clock even once between ten and nine. there was a little 'praise the Lord' in my spirit as i woke *grin* and more importantly, cohen is better rested and back to smiling.

in the last week i learned something about my son that i am pretty sure sets him apart from most 7 month old boys: he's a chin man. if you pick him up and face him in towards you, he immediately grabs your ears or hair or handfuls of neck or whatever else he can get a hold of, and pulls you really close, and just GOES TO TOWN on your chin. the first time he did it, i thought perhaps the sickness was making him delirious enough to think the chin was also a milk producing organ, but then it became a habit..a quick. he attacked beth's chin, mom's chin, and then he started on the men...but learned quickly that his dad, uncles and grandpa all have scratchy hair there. he tried the noses next with them, but found they don't taste too good and decided to keep his chin sucking exclusively for females.

so if you are woman and you meet cohen, watch out. he grabs hard and chews furiously. consider yourself warned.

i am going to write later and the new site is going to be up SOON! but i did want to take a moment to write an open apology to a few of my favorite readers...

i posted a blog in october that it has come to my attention was offensive to some people i know and love. i wrote the post about my feelings concerning gift giving at Christmas time. i really wrote with the sole intention of encouraginig people to set aside part of their Christmas budget for needy persons. i highlighted world vision and shared that we were giving a certain gift because i have seen with my own two eyes the good world vision does in the poorest areas in the world. i probably shouldn't have listed what we are giving..the reason i did it specifically was because i wanted to make sure i wasn't asking people to do something i myself wasn't willing to do..and because i didn't want anyone to think i was promoting world vision because of shawn's ties. in hindsight, it wasn't the best way to go about it. i want to specifically apologize to those in my life who have given gifts to me or received gifts from me. i did not at all mean to imply that i wasn't thankful for or didn't enjoy the things you had given to me with thoughtfulness and love. my feelings about Christmas and the consumerism that surrounds it, are independent of you. please know that i am sick my words hurt you and that it was NOT my intention in any way to offend you. while i was writing the blog, my thoughts were primarily about general consumerism and specifically about shawn and i and the money we spent and why. i love you all dealy and am regret that i didn't write with the sensitivity i should have. i hope you can forgive me and charge this bad judgement to my head and not to my heart.

thanks and giving (a prelude to Christmas)

well i guess today is 'national CONSUMERISM day' or something here in america. (i can poke fun since i have no attachment to the day after thanksgiving shopping- my fam just never did that) anyway, i am here at mom's and just saw the panic in some store owner's face as he was being interviewed on the news..it seems maybe people aren't buying enough! oh no! people! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!??! GO OUT AND BUY SOMETHING! CHARGE UP THOSE CREDIT CARDS! YOU NEED MORE! MORE!! MORE!!

ah..just a little bit of holiday sarcasm for you all this morning.

it makes me sad that this season of thanks and giving is now the spending spike that our economy depends on. it really does.

BUT i am not going to dwell on that...i just want to encourage all of you to visit www.worldvision.org and consider redirecting some of your Christmas budget to people who have needs beyond keeping up with the newest igadget.

(stepping down from my soapbox) we had a wonderful thanksgiving and i hope you did too. my mom's family holiday is thanksgiving..about half of her 7 siblings and children and childrens children come together for the day. its wild. its crazy. its LOUD. we actually considered imposing a 'law' that says the rest of married-in family must be quiet and subdued...not only to even out the genetics but simply because i think we have reached a volume threshhold at family get togethers.

the traditional turkey bowl had a new spin as this years the football teams were divided into the 'marrieds' and the 'singles'. the marrieds won the third game, breaking the tie. and now none of them can walk this morning. pride is a powerful thing, y'all. i think its a good thing there is no re-match this morning...shane limped out of the house to take his mom to the airport and shawn is moaning with every move. shane was the mvp of the game yesterday and shawn was last year...beth and i are so proud. the male cousins are happy with our hubby choices since we have upped the game's athleticism. and hey! they are both quiet and subdued too! we will just have to take a moment and pat ourselves on the back *grin*

you know, even with shawn's 'quiet' genes, cohen is the loudest of the kids. and that's saying something, friends. we had prayer at the end of the night and cohen started talking and cooing just as loud as ever so i walked down the hallway, wanting to still hear the prayers of my family...he was louder...so i went into the back bedroom and closed the door..my 17 year old brother came in and apologetically said "um, he's really loud...we can still hear him out there...?" i think i would've had to take him to the next county to not be heard. so he's got some serious holzbauer in him (yes my mom's name would've been holzbauer-adelsberger if she had been feminist enough to hyphenate it..thank God she wasn't! i wouldn't have been able to spell my name before middle school!) besides being loud, cohen was also the chubbiest baby and earned the nickname "the pillow" due to his...um...softness. *grin*

last night the cousins and my siblings and their significant others came over to watch a movie shane picked out. we popped popcorn the old fashioned way and visited...and then cohen woke up. screaming. so i think the movie was called 'shooter' or something but i really couldn't tell you because i spent the first hour and a half trying to cleaning out his nose with that little round sucker thing (he loved that, as you can imagine), trying to get him to nurse, and ultimately trying to get him to wind down into sleep....i say "trying" because stating any sort of success in those three categories would be a stretch for even me. i caught the last few minutes of the movie and basically what i got from it was the mark walberg's character could single-handedly take out a small army of people and a helicopter. great flick *grin*

anyway, it was really okay with me because i was tired. i am old, people. after a long day of eating non-stop and listening to a whole room full of Germans trying to talk over each other and out do the last story, i was ready to snuggle down in bed and fall asleep (even if it was to the sounds of whiny baby)

we woke up to a light dusting of snow this morning and i remembered how pretty that can be... it looks like someone sprinkled sugar on the fir trees...i love the way the sun glints off of snow..its kind of magical. i didn't even mind warming the car up. the cold air felt good in my lungs.

i felt thankful for it. and this morning, as i type, surrounded by my sweet family, i realize just how many things i have to be thankful for....a healthy, (mostly) happy baby. wonderful siblings (natural, adopted, and married-in). a legacy of togetherness and love...

and now that thanksgiving has passed, but i am determined to keep a spirit of thanks and giving as we move into the Christmas season. i want to develop traditions for my little family that make this time special... my mom was anti-consumerism (which is on my list of things i am thankful for) but to the point she really couldn't enjoy Christmas because it bothered her so much. do you have any thoughts about how to make this time special without focusing on gifts and spending? what does your family do? do you have any unique traditions? ...

..ones you wouldn't mind someone like, say, me, emulating...?

(can't wait to read your responses!)

continuing community...and 6 month old freak outs

Well friends...its official...I am a wanderer...back and forth between our new place and my mom's house. You know, the thing about moving is that I always forget a bunch of little things just when I think I've finally got everything... Last night about 10pm, I realized the "little" things I had forgotten included (but are not limited to) sheets for my bed, my toothbrush!, toilet paper, cohen's body wash, cohen's spoons, and the rest of cohen's inserts for his cloth diapers.

You know, just a few little things.

Good grief.

Beth had kept Cohen for a few hours so I could actually get something done around the house and when she brought him back, he had been having a major melt down. He had cried his 'sad cry' on the way to the house and worn himself out on the road over. He woke up in an even more worked up state. I nursed him and tried to calm him, but at 10:30 I was still rocking a screaming child in the most un-put-together living room you could imagine. I wanted to pull my hair out, people! I would look at him and see how upset he was and feel horrible for him, but then a few seconds later feel so frustrated I didn't know what to do. Finally, thank Jesus, he slipped (flighting the whole way) into a deep, snoring sleep. I told myself to get up and keep unpacking, but I was too tired. Well, first I told myself to get up and get some of things we needed and had left at Mom's, but I took one look at my sleeping son and knew that was out of the question. So instead of doing anything productive, I popped in season 5 of Sienfeld, curled up on the couch with Cohen and a couple of baby blankets, and fell asleep.

It was a fitful night. I swear Cohen knew we were in a new place. His little blue eyes would flutter and he would lift his head up and look around and then lay it back down. I think I would've slept for hours and hours if I didn't have an almost 20lb 6 month old sleeping on top of me..but I guess we will never know, will we? (ahh...the life of a mother)

Cohen is still in a mood today...I think he's not a good transitioner (he would get that honestly) He loves his aunt Beth and she was with us at Mom's a little this morning. He kept looking over at her (and her sweet friend Kari) on the other couch and then looking back at me, and then his little face would scrunch up and he'd start bawling and screaming. We came to the conclusion that he was afraid I was leaving him again. Poor thing. I know, he's almost 7 months old and its the first time he has spent more than an hour away from me... Anyway, the screaming people- oh the screaming! Its a good thing Daddy is coming home today...Mommy needs a break!

Maybe its teeth? And if it is, please God, let them all come in at once and let's just get this over with. I want my smiley, cuddly baby back! Advice on teething, Moms? PLEASE?

On a totally separate note, thanks for all of your comments and thoughts and stories on community. I feel like I learned a lot from your words. Thank you. I responded to all of you in yesterday's comments. As I was thinking about community more today, I remembered reading a post by a dear friend about the same topic within the last week. Pastor Jason Holdridge is a dear friend, my former youth pastor, and Shawn's mentor...His blog should be on your must-read list. I am posting both the link to his main blog and also the link to the specific post about community entitled "in love with an idea". [sorry my linky thing isn't working- you'll have to copy and paste]

Jason's Must-Read blog: www.jasonholdridge.blogspot.com
"In Love with an Idea": http://jasonholdridge.blogspot.com/2007/11/in-love-with-idea.html

Anyway, just in case you need convincing, here are few of my favorite quotes from his blog: (He had been from the first line.. "It's really easy to be in love with the idea of community only to be quite unnerved by the reality of it")
-"We talk of loving the broken, but if you're anything like me, they never fit the brokenness that I've conjured up in my head...I want them to be the exact kind of brokeness that I feel compassion for.."
-"...no, people in the Bible that Jesus helped never were leachy with co-dependency issues and insecurity complexes and obsessive compulsive disorders. Nope, they were normal people with some dirt on their face that just needed someone to give them an "Extreme Makeover" and Presto...you have a well adjusted conversion that leads to a Great Awakening...and so on and so forth about "So and So" and "Such and Such"...it's fiction at it's best...and we buy it. We sell it."
-"And who knows that Heaven isn't going to be filled with people that get under your skin and on your nerves. It's free from sin, not personality. "

Read it and let me know what you think! and be patient with my responses...the internet isn't up at the new place, yet.

Monday morning Church Thoughts

I don't know if I have missed as much church ever in my life as I have since Cohen was born. Those first few months were such a fog, I actually don't remember going much, but maybe we did. When I fist came to Ohio, Cohen was still small enough that he mostly slept away his days..so, church? No problem. I just brought my "hooter hider" nursing cover (that's its actual name, people!), nursed him up, and sat with him asleep on my lap the rest of the service. But Now... well, now Cohen can arch his back, shake his head no, say 'na na na', and growl... now, mr. cohen has learned he can be loud and frankly, he prefers it!...and now, he can play with toys...he can't hang on to them, but he can play with them...which basically means we spend hours of him putting a toy to his mouth, then dropping it, then me picking it up...over and over and OVER. So church is now a very new experience. When I say we 'miss church' I don't mean we aren't there...cause we are people. We are there...and if you don't see us, its cause we are in the lobby. Cohen is arching his back, shaking his head, growling and yelling 'na na na' at the top his lungs while I try to watch the sermon on the Tv screen admist almost constant toy-retrieving.

That's how it usually goes.

But yesterday...oh yesterday was magic. We road in with Beth and got there just as worship was starting and Cohen wanted nursed, so I sat down and nursed him...and he went to sleep. I kept thinking, 'oh he'll wake up now' every time the music changed, or people clapped, or a roar of laughter erupted...but he didn't. He just pursed those little lips, fluttered his eyes, and went right on dreaming.

Its the longest nap he's had in months.

And I got to actually HEAR the sermon.

You know what, though? I was really distracted...not necessarily in a bad way...but have you ever had a moment where you became really aware of another person...? You know, where you sense a need or a hurt and as you watch, the hurt seems to grow and you can see it on their face and in the way they hold their head..? Have you had that experience before? I used to have that experience frequently, but not so much in the last years. I really think the depression did just what its name implies- it pressed down all of my feelings. I felt numb. And I am only realizing it as my feelings are coming back...and boy, are they coming back.

There was a young couple sitting directly in front of us with an adorable little red haired boy. The girl was there with the baby and her husband (?) came in a song or two into the service and took the little boy from her arms without looking at her. Now, every married person knows that interaction... you've had a disagreement and you are sitting stiffly near each other, trying at all costs not to relax your face or look at each other in the eyes. I couldn't help but watch...their little boy was leaning over the seats and waving at us. I think I went to high school with the guy- he looks really familiar- but when I looked at old yearbooks, I couldn't find him...so who knows? Maybe I am crazy. I haven't seen them at church in awhile and I couldn't believe how skinny the girl has gotten. She was already one of those I-hate-you-cause-you-are-naturally-thin looking kind of girls, but I swear she's lost 20lbs. She was wearing little kid jeans that were bagging off of her rear end. She looked so tired...and sad. At one point in the service, he seemed to relax a little and smiled during the sermon and sang with the congregation...her face was immovable, like stone. He kept glancing her way with a certain sadness in his eyes and she never looked back, although, as a woman, I am sure she felt his eyes on her.

Their sadness was like a wave that crashed over the row of seats onto us. (I say us, cause Mom and Beth noticed it too) My heart just ached for them. I have so been there. I wanted to reach up over into the next row and put my hands on their shoulders and offer some word of encouragement. I wanted to tell them whatever it is, its not worth it. I wanted to say or do something meaningful..to help...but all I could muster was "your little boy is so sweet"...the both smiled stiffly and invited no other connection. I have been there too.

And this morning, they are still on my mind. I prayed for them. I don't know their names or what their situation is or even if they are married. But what I do know is how damaging strife can be...how hard it is to work through hurt in relationships...the great contrast of joy with your child in the midst of an argument.

I really wanted to Be the Church to them yesterday, but I felt so hesistant. I know praying for them is being the church in the best of ways...I guess I just find myself yearning for a more connected, community-oriented action. Do you feel that? Do you ever want to put your arms around people and speak into something and then you pull back because poeple just don't seem to do that? Or because its awkward? Socially? I just wonder if Kingdom living requires more than just going to church anonymously and pretending we don't see people struggling, marriages struggling, families failing...I wonder if it requires us to not be anonymous ourselves in our own fleshy issues and if, by the same token, it requires us to invite others out of their pretending...?

Now, I am not suggesting that because I don't know that couple well enough to know what is going on or how to reach out to them, that they are pretending or living disconnected. And I am not suggesting that inserting ourselves (unwantedly) into peoples' issues is a way to invite them into community... I guess the situation just has me thinking...how DO we invite others into loving community? How do we create an environment of honesty and trust among those of us who are the Church here on the earth?

Please share your thoughts...assuming you are one of the ones who can read this!

some random thoughts for a saturday morning

cohen is bouncing in this great little bouncy seat i got for him awhile back. at the time, he wasn't so sure about it, but now he's a jumping bean! and we almost can't keep him it! when he bounces, lights and music go off and the little toucan above his head bounces back and forth...he's pretty enamored. i have video of his frantic jumping the day he figured it out that i really need to post- it will make you laugh, guaranteed.

anyway, i am a fan of the jungle bouncer as well (even with the annoying, repeatitve jingles) because it means I CAN ACTUALLY GET SOMETHING DONE! every mom knows the gift of an educational distraction.

thank you, Lord.

we are moving stuff into the new rental house today. well, actually the mens are doing the moving...i am mostly pointing and organizing and 'managing'. i did help physically move a lot of things last night once cohen had fallen asleep so i don't feel guilty about my lack of lifting today. i am excited to get moved it, but (honestly) last night i looked around at the mounds of boxes sitting in each room and just wanted to cry. i must've looked very overwhelmed cause mom was quick to ensure everyone would help and get things settled in no time.

i felt like a little girl. because i really do want my mommy to get things settled for me. i have felt displaced and unsettled for years now and i just don't think i can take much more of it. i am just now realizing the immense stress we had living in a constantly-being-remodeled house for two years and never having things ALL put away. and even though this rental situation is going to be short lived, i want to have it ALL put away.

so i know once i get through these next few days, i will be tired, but at least we will have a place with our things and it will be painted and finished.

Praise God.

On a happier note, Beth comes back tonight or tomorrow and then Shawn, Aaron & Becky & Shane & his Mom are all coming Tuesday sometime...so the fam is going to be together for our *favorite* family holiday and I can't wait! us girls are getting together wednesday to prepare the finger foods for the day (lots of veggies, fruit, crackers, and different kinds of hummus and veggie dips) and its going to be even better because i will get to use my beloved food processor! (which until now has been packed away) Thanksgiving is a big deal here...lots of family (like 50+ peeps) and a traditional, yearly 'turkey bowl' (aka football game) complete with uniforms. Its good stuff.

i hope yours is wonderful...tell me about it! do you have any unusual traditions?

a couple of other things i wanted to say before i get cohen and head over to begin the massive amounts of unpacking i have yet to do:

1.) i am sorry some of you are having problems with my blog. i really don't know what the issue is...BUT i do know that i need to get www.katemcdonald.NET up and running soon! so i am going to shoot to have it accessible by next friday! between blogger and myspace, i have been having oodles of trouble, so i am just going to get my independent site up and *HOPE* you all will still visit me there!

2.) i know several of you did "engage the journey" in 2006...and i have since had lots of comments/emails about doing a read through the Bible session again...SO (drum roll please) i will be setting up a Read Through the Bible (chronologically) again in 2008!!! i am going to have the site up on www.katemcdonald.NET and soon will be posting a button that you can add to your blog or myspace or both to invite people to join. i know i really enjoyed hearing other people's persepectives and learned a ton and am really stoked to journey again through the Bible. i hope you will join us!

ok...well time to get unpacking. more later friends!

time for a change

i changed my background and hope there are no more problems with viewing my posts.

and yes, i do know it says 'turned on' in the background. but there is a light bulb, peeps. context is key here. think when you see it 'is the light bulb in my mind turned on' ok?

PLEASE? cause i like the coloring and i don't want to have to change it.

oh yeah, i posted some new stuff. and more is coming. sorry for the delay.

much loves, kate

irreducible complexity

Now that I have set up camp in the town of my origin, every time I drive from Mom and Dad's place into town, I see the little square brick home of my high school science teacher. And every time I see it, I think about parking on the street, making my way to the front door, knocking, and hopefully being able to have a good little chat.

Mr. R had both of my parents in High School and when time rolled around for me to sign up for my freshmen classes, my parents insisted that I sign up for Advanced Biology. I did not want to...not under any circumstances...even if it was better for my college applications. But that was a battle I did not stand a chance of winning, so I signed up. It turned out that not only was I in Advanced Bio first semester, but it was my very first class of the day. I remember how all of the excitement over High School and new lockers and old friends was instantly quenched as I walked into the Mr. R's room. Dirty looking flasks of all sizes were littered around the room and bunson burners were spread out somewhat evenly across the tables. His desk was a mound of papers taller than me and I remember thinking 'its the FIRST day of school, where did all of that come from?' And then he entered the room, maybe five minutes after the bell had wrung, looking dishevled as ever, coffee in hand.

Did I mention he looks like the perfect cross between Gene Wilder (think Willy Wonka) and Bob Dylan???

In the middle of all of my hating on my parents and science and the beginning of stupid High School, Mr. R rolled out a TV on a cart, popped in a movie, and pressed play without a word. That morning we watched The Dead Poet's Society. He didn't hand out a syllabus; he didn't even take attendance.

I was inspired.

Over the next four years of my life, science went from being a subject I dreaded to one I salivated over. I took (literally) ever single science class offered (Microbiology, Physics, Chemistry, Botany, River Ecosystems, Anatomy, Human Genetics, Evolutionary Theory, etc etc) I probably spent as much time with Mr. R as anyone else during those years. He was always late, always coming in with a cup of McDonald's coffee in hand. Many times the office would call down and we'd cover for him and say he was in the restroom until he finally arrived. His curly hair grew outward by the day until on fridays he really did look like a mad scientist. He warmed his coffee up on the bunson burners, gave tests whose preparation kept me up nights on end (and he gave you the questions in advance), and he loved Bob Dylan. By the time I graduated, I knew every Bob Dylan song by heart. I often saw him more than once a day for class and several nights a week I worked in the lab on my science fair project. I had tons of respect for Mr R and it would be fair to say he and I became friends.

And yes, I did just say science fair project.

I know, you thought that was just something elementary kids did to find out which detergent works out best or something lame like that. Not so.

I had the same project for four years, although it evolved and changed as I learned more. I competed in local, district, state, and national fairs and my project was responsible for my being able to pay for college (which I am thankful for, no matter how nerdy it made me!). The name of my project? "The Evolution and Transfer of Antibiotic Resistance in the Mitocondrial DNA of Isolated Soil Microbes" although, to be fair, that first year I think it was "Antibitotic Resistance in Microbes"

I went to college, thinking I was going to be a Genetic Counselor...I changed my mind about that (its a lot of counseling pregnant women about the defects in their baby...I decided that wasn't for me after all) but I have always loved science.

My affection for scientific knowledge and discovery and mystery did not exactly earn me a comfortable position with the Christians in my school as you might have well imagined. (On more than one occasion I was told I was going to hell for even considering the possibility of evolution) Things to me that did not seem mutually exclusive (like the Bible and evolutionary theory) proved to be topics others didn't want to put into the same framework. I didn't see the inconsistencies. I read my Bible, loved God, and at the same time was intrigued with the natural world that so clearly bore his fingerprint. While others accused Mr R of everything from promoting atheism (he wasn't an atheist- not that anyone asked) to being behind the "force" that apparently caused all things evil (I guess I thought we were born into sin? Perhaps God forgot to mention that sin would be born along with the theory of a bird-watcher named Darwin?) I found him to be a good friend, wise soul, and a heroic educator.

I used to argue with people alot about the original language of the Bible, the discrepencies between Genesis chapter one and chapter two, the tenants of science, what Darwin actually said (few have read his writings), and the implications of different perspectives. I don't argue anymore. I just sort of develop a tick when people start talking about Darwin and monkeys in the same sentence.

Few people understand this like aunt Deb, who is by the way,EXPONENTIALLY, ridiculously smarter than I am. I am trying to force her to start a blog because you all would love her thoughts...and we'd all learn something too...and because she should write a book, but I am afraid she won't get to it.

Anyway, Aunt Deb brought over a DVD for me called "Unlocking the Mystery of Life". I loved it.

I have been gabbing and gabbing about all of this just so I could have some context to tell you about it this B hour long educational DVD. Its true.

I was fascinated.

Maybe you don't like science or wonder about the origin of life but I still bet you would think it as fascinating as I did.

To get to the mind-blowing, there-must-have-been-a-Creator-coolness we might have to have a small little science lesson. I know its Saturday morning, but can you go there with me? I promise it will be worth it. And I promise it will be quick.

Come on..you know you want to... *grin*

Ok...contrary to a lot of what you have heard, Darwin did not say we came from apes. He talked mostly about finches, as a matter of fact. He went to the Galapogos Islands and began to journal about the variations in the animals he saw there. As a naturalist, Darwin tried to explain what he saw and in the process came up with the theory of natural selection, which basically says that genetic variations are selected for if and ONLY if they give the organism an advantage in terms of survival. Its a good thought, really. It definitely explained why the finch population had different sizes and shapes of beaks during seasons of drought and seasons of rain.

Natural selection is one of the main tenants of current evolutionary theory. And while it does go a long way to explaining the variety in nature, I don't think anyone really denies that in light of new technology that has allowed scientists to see things Darwin never could have dreamed of (think DNA) that natural selection cannot fully explain the origin of life.

Let me explain...

Darwin supposed that his theory of natural selection COULD explain how life began... that perhaps things randomly combined until something arose that was advantageous and ka-boom! its the beginning of life. Darwin stated that it was possible his explanation might be over-simplified and even gave certain perameters that would nullify natural selection as a viable explanation about the origin of life.

It turns out that Darwin was right. Natural selection is over simplified. Its a good theory. It goes a long way toward explaining variation...but it cannot explain the Origin of Life.

On the DVD the scientists (none of whom are admitted Christians and none of whom are Creation 'scientists') point out THE new discovery that has led to them to understand there must be a Designer.

What is the discovery?

Irreducible Complexity.

In every cell of your body, things are moving from place to place...the vital information your cells need to reproduce is moved into the nucleus of the cell where it can be transcribed and recombined...and the vehicle that the information is moved in is powered by an amazing little natural machine called a flagellum. The flagellum is a machine not unlike the motor of a small boat...it looks like a slender whip projecting from the cell and is responsible for mobility. It is comprised of eight parts (proteins), all that are essential to the functioning of the flagellum. If even one peice of the flagellum motor is absent or broken, the DNA cannot be moved into the cell, the cell cannot reproduce, and basically: there can be no life. If you have taken a biology class in the last ten or so years, you have seen undoubtibly seen a highly magnified photo of a flagellum.

But just in case you haven't taken biology in the last ten years or did but can't remember what I am talking about, here you go...

Here's the traditional photo:


And here's a newer illustration of what is now known about this amazing, super important, microscopic machine:


So what's so great about this eight protein propelling machine? What is so enlightening about it that these scientists would by it come to believe that the origin of life was put into motion by a Designer (don't you love that term?)? Well, its like this friends...

No life could exist without flagellum..not even one single cell...and in order for the flagellum to function, all eight parts must be present. Thus, the flagellum represents something complex which cannot be reduced. The chances that all eight proteins would assemble randomly and in the correct, very precise order? I would say slim to none, but in all actuality, the answer is that it is impossible. And the theory of natural selection would suppose that the machine would have arisen from the proteins (over time) combining randomly until something advantageous came about and was built upon, BUT because there is nothing advantageous about the flagellum until ALL eight proteins are rightly ordered into this highly efficient machine,and because the chances of that happening randomly are next door to 'not in a gazillion years', natural selection falls short.

So the questions began to intensify... If natural selection is unable to explain the origin of life, what does? And if there is this irreducible complexity, how did it come about? Can random evolution explain it or is it necessary to consider a Designer?

One of the lead scientists stated on the DVD that there are two main criteria for deciding whether or not something is intentionally designed.... One, the phenomenon must be something that does not naturally occur and Two, it most represent something that can be found elsewhere. He used a good example to give hands and feet to this idea: Mount Rushmore. While rock is often shaped over time naturally, faces do not occur in rock over time. And we can be sure that the faces of past presidents carved into rock was designed because they are recognizable in our culture elsewhere. Therefore, Someone decided to create what we see...and the creation has recognizable significance as well as a property that allows us to infer certain things about the designer.

The idea of irreducible complexity lends itself to notion of a Designer. We know, by the very nature of its irreducibility, that the flagellum machine did not randomly assemble...it had no purpose in being built unless each peice was placed together in a meaningful way on purpose.

And ta da! Now we have to deal with the possibility of a Designer. Someone who in fact did build that extemely efficient and tiny motor, with all eight proteins, for a specific purpose...

I was so happy after watching the DVD, I wanted to dance a little jig in the living room. I really did. I wanted to tell someone that seeking Truth in any vein of understanding (if you are really looking for Truth) will eventually always lead you to a very real Someone...a Creator...a Purposer...a Designer. I wanted to scream that science and God-loving belong in the same framework.... I wanted to call up a couple of old classmates and tell them that I am fairly certain I am not going to hell for my time wondering about the way life has been spun (okay...just kidding...I only entertained that thought for one milisecond)...

But I really did want to get in my car, drive to Mr R's house, and talk about irreducible complexity and the very real possibility of a Purposing God...One who would not only be interested in creating tiny, efficient little propellers, but also the mobility of thoughts and emotions in the human soul. I wanted to drink some McDonalds coffee and listen to some Dylan with him and let him know that I still think God likes him and that perhaps scientists (like him) and Christians (like me) have a lot more in common than we'd often care to admit.

And maybe I just will.

meandering all the way to limbo-land

i usually have some sort of a 'working title' when i begin to blog...not so tonight...not sure where this is going to go...

feel like meandering, friends?

i just hung up the phone after chatting for a much-needed-while with sister beth...i got to fill her in on the 'happenings' and then hear what she is learning. she pointed me to a website of must-listen music (www.isamusiconline.com) and ironically enough, i had reviewed it in ccm's september issue...and then promptly forgotten about it. i was glad for the reminder to turn it on...

you know, its funny...i love music...my sister, soon-to-be-brother-in-law, and husband all sing for a living...i review indie albums..and YET i really don't listen to music much. (note to self: maybe i shouldn't say that?) its not that i don't want to most of the time...i just get doing stuff and forget to put it on. the only time i really don't like to listen to music is in the car. i like to have conversations then or to pray or to just talk out loud to myself. i know- i am weird.

ANYWAY...

while i was talking with her, jetti came upstairs and peed in the hallway..,dad was sitting in the living room and she goes to the door when she needs to go out, but he didn't realize that was "the" signal...and i no more than cleaned up her mess when i heard cohen crying in the bedroom. it took a few minutes for me to get him changed and fed and back asleep...all the while i am pressing my ear into the phone desperately trying to soak in beth's profound take on the story of david and jonathon's crippled son.... whew!

i wouldn't trade cohen for a million days each full of a million hours to do with whatever i wanted...but even so, i must admit i had a lot more time to read and pray and think profound thoughts before he came into the world. now my reading, praying and especially thinking (even i can even call it that these days) is broken into many fragments punctuated by his various, continual needs. you know, i think paul might have mentioned that a woman is even MORE divided when she becomes a mother than when she becomes a wife....*grin*

hmmmm

but its good. really. and i mean that. he's such an amazing GIFT. sometimes i just look at him and wonder how in the world we got such a beautiful, happy baby. i mean, c'mon who in the world deserves this level of cuteness? to look at? and enjoy? EVERY DAY?




he smiles almost all day and now he giggles a ton...mostly at josh, who has a knack for being over the top silly and sometimes at whoever is playing peek-a-boo well enough. he started eating fruit this week...he's crazy over bananas although his digestive system isn't so thrilled! and so far he likes licking apples, but he won't actually swallow any of them that i pureed. the other major thing he started doing is STANDING. i mean, (i promise this is true) he was able to stand holding just one of our fingers at 8 weeks. but now, he can pull himself up and stand. he was sitting on my lap and he sort of lunged at my dad's recliner, grabbed a hold, tightened all of his little core muscles and pulled himself to a standing position. he looked so proud of himself as he spread his legs apart and got a good solid stance. he was there long enough for me to get some pictures...(this was the only non-fuzzy one since he was moving around so much!)


this kid is going to walk so early, i bet he doesn't even crawl.

oh, and he was 6 months on monday. insane.

monday was a day... shawn left for michigan around noon. did i mention shawn was going to michigan? i think i meant to, but then didn't. (see i told you thinking doesn't come easy as a mom!) anyway, shawn is going to be staying in the grand rapids area for awhile with some dear friends of mine (initially- now they are ours). pastor jason (www.jasonholdridge.blogspot.com) and his amazing wife, heidi, have been friends of mine for going on 10 years now. pastor j came into my life when i was a junior in high school and he was fresh out of college, newly married, and took a pastoring job in our sleepy town. he was dynamic as a person and as a pastor and shook up a lot of people's notions about what youth ministry was supposed to look like. i would not be overstating anything to say that his coming to bellefontaine changed my life.

i respect him and his family and ministry immensely. about four years ago he moved to michigan to work with a church plant there... and in this season of stuff our family is going through, pastor j and heidi, have by the sweet grace and leading of God, committed to coming alongside us...and in the most practical ways they are coming alongside shawn.

let's call it mentoring.

so shawn will be spending a bit of time there, four hours north of us, serving in quiet, not out front kind of ways at the church, working under pastor j, living in their basement, maybe even working a regular ole job, and whatever else God requires. its a good thing. i suppose (in this ONE case) that we are used to spending mass amounts of time apart. well, maybe not, but that sure does sound positive, doesn't it? (patting myself on the back for being so glass half-full)

no, in all seriousness...i am thrilled that j and heidi are being so generous with their life and their time and it makes me feel very LOVED by God that He would put such a tugging on their hearts for us. most of you know shawn's background so i won't feel the need to explain, but suffice it to say that its good for him to have time to just BE with a family for awhile. so many men don't really grow up with a dad who is intentional about validating, affirming, and shaping them, you know? shawn's grandpa is rad, but there's an undeniable age gap and that comes with its own issues...

my pastor here, pastor ricks, is really firm on the notion that we all need a spiritual father here on earth...someone whose vision and calling we can line up with, serve under..someone whose spirit we'd like to "catch"...someone to really pastor us...i think that term is really misunderstood in our overly religious Christian environment...we too often experience pastors as the talking-head of the church..someone who is elected into the position by one means or another, who spends the week with their nose in books, and then delivers a message with cleverly labeled points in the most charismatic manner they can muster up...i don't mean pastor in that sense...i mean a man appointed by God to shepherd a group of people that God has gathered...someone who God wakes in the middle of the night to pray for the sheep in his flock..someone who drives all over town looking to find you when God has laid something on his heart for you...someone who knows your name and gifts and weaknesses and loves you like a father...someone who isnt afraid to discipline you and tell you the truth...not someone who butters you up and flatters your pride so you won't take your tithe to another building...

jason is a shepherd and God put shawn on his heart. so shawn is there, being pastored. and we are THANKFUL for the provision of God even if it means there is some time and space between us.

God knows what He is doing.

in the meantime, as much as i love my family, we are moving out. its been a great couple of months of just chillin' with the fam... but the other day, i realized MY MOM IS DOING MY LAUNDRY...and within a milisecond, i knew it was time to go. the house still hasn't sold so we may be setting up camp here for awhile until we can afford to do something else, but there is something about going home that makes anyone feel like a child again. still, i HAVE a child..i am not one so its time to spread those independent wings once again.

luckily my aunt deb owns a house on the edge of town and the bottom floor just became available. the big, old brick home sits on 5 acres (perfect), has floor to ceiling windows (perfect), a huge front porch (perfect), a garage and a barn (perfect), hardwood floors (perfect), amazingly wide old trim (perfect) and huge open kitchen (PERFECT!!!) the bottom floor is actually notably larger than our seattle home and the upstairs is being rented to 3 college age girls from the church. i can't wait to get in there... we are going to rip up the carpets and refinish the old hardwoods and paint the whole thing. she just got the house last summer and hasn't had much time to work on it since she rented it out right away. so once it is unoccupied, i am going to be spending the first half of my nights after cohen goes to sleep, driving into town and sanding and painting. i love that stuff... and at least this time, we are going to be able to do the work BEFORE we move our stuff in. (that's a lesson you only have to learn once, friends!) and i am excited to get to know the girls better...college was a great time in my life and leading my Bible study was the highlight. i am praying God will give me opportunities to love on them, talk with them, and maybe even have a slumber part or two.

i will post before and after pics when i have them. (of the house that is!)

hopefully our house will sell soon, but its good to know that even its awhile, we have a really great, affordable housing option that works with the dogs AND a marvelous landlord to boot (see the post just prior to this one!)

i am always wishing for a "pause" button in life...you know, a chance to throw up the "T" gesture for a sizable time-out...to think, pray, SLEEP...and its just not often that you get that opportunity. so even though i would rather not be making a mortgage payment on an empty place, i am not going to complain. we've needed this stint in limbo-land to kind of mull some things over in our minds and make some serious decisions...

we knew we weren't supposed to be in seattle. nashville seemed like the obvious option. but then we got the house up on the market, moved our stuff to ohio to wait for a sale, and all the while our confidence in nashville as our new homeward destination seemed to be crumbling. we didn't talk about it for awhile..both thinking the other one might be frustrated to hear doubt after we'd already put ourselves out on the limb of faith...but then one of us gave a voice to the feelings and found we were in the same boat.

i think shawn said it at least once a day for the last month we were living under the same roof: it doesn't feel good to not have a home.

and no, it doesn't.

i know the brick house won't be 'home' for long just like shawn's hole-ing up in pastor j's basement won't be forever either, but maybe it does explain my excitement over painting and sanding. maybe i am hoping to work my way into some homey comfort.

i know the Lord has a lot to speak to us in this season...tomorrow is the first day of november and in this upcoming month of thankfulness (my fav holiday!) i feel the Lord calling for it to be a season of fasting in my life...so i am sure i have watched my last bit of mindless dribble on the tv, done my last google search, and eaten my last non-daniel style meal for awhile. even as i write that, i feel a yearning to go deeper...to drink deeper...to draw closer...

and my heart his anxious to hear. i am thirsty for His Words on all of these matters that concern us...knowing where He is planting us; the place we are to set some roots and serve...well that really doens't even make the top 5 of issues i am wanting His leading in, but maybe He will share it with me anyway...who knows? or maybe we'll just sit and be together...that would be fine with me...

ANYWAY, all of this meandering is making me sleepy and sleep has its value here in limbo land, friends. so good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite and all that jazz.

much loves
kate

getting better with age

today is my sweet aunt deb's birthday. i wish i had a digital picture of her because i'd post it. not that a picture of her would be at all as great as getting to actually know her, but just the same, i'd post it.

the absolute polar opposite of her younger sister (my mom), aunt deb is like a second mother to us adelsberger kids. when we were younger, playing at her house was magical because she'd let us make a big mess and be out in the woods all day without panicking that we might get hurt or making us 'check in' (like my mom did) just to be sure we all still had our limbs and weren't covered with blood. and by us, i mean my bro aaron and i are her three boys (matt - 1 yr older than me; aj- one year younger than me, and caleb- a couple of years younger than aaron)... we'd play all day...runaway or pirates or indiana jones..and make hay forts in the barn and just have the time of our lives. beth's memories with aunt deb have more to do with baking in the kitchen and being allowed to make a huge mess in the process since by the time she came along, the fort days were nearly over and she had aunt deb largely to herself. even joe and josh, 21 and 23 years younger than i, are growing up with their aunt deb time. every friday they go to her house and play in the river and make messes and bake and take walks..only this time its not with her sons, but her grandson. still, their faces light up when they realize its FRIDAY! and still, they come home filthy and dead tired from hours of hardcore play.

throughout my life, when i think of the handful of people who have really left their mark on me, aunt deb towers over the list. she and i share a love for books and debating and getting fired up. as i grew older, i earned my place in the morning coffee discussions. some of my favorite times were being in our pjs, drinking coffee with the news running on the tv, and discussing everything about life and our family with my mom and aunt deb (and beth once she was in high school)

every year on my birthday, aunt deb gives me a book...its always used and she always scribbles a heartfelt message inside the front cover. although i have loved every book she's given to me and read them multiple times, its those scribbled words in the front cover that have most impacted me. even sitting here right now, i could repeat- word for word- much of what she has written to me over the years...yeah, i have read them THAT MUCH. i can think of numerous times in the recent past when i felt like i was in a dark hole, and i would go dig out my copy of 'the divine conspiracy' and sit with her encouragement and see "the world needs you" scrawled across the page in pencil and just cry...because thinking of her love for and belief in me is like a beam of light, leading out of that dark place.

and you know what? i bet she doesn't remember even writing that. and not because she did it flippantly, but because she takes the time to do things like that alot. my aunt deb is a master encourager. we sometimes tease that if you have a dream or an idea, the best person to share it with is aunt deb because she not only believes in it, but she will start dreaming right alongside you! she's never one to poo poo on any parade. she's creative and smart and passionate about life.

i just had coffee with her yesterday morning, but whenever i think about her and recount the things i love about her, i always think of how she looked one day about five years ago. i remember she had ridden her bike over to my mom's and it was the summertime. she was full of some great idea and just beaming as she sat in my dad's blue recliner and spoke. i don't remember what she talked about that day, but i do remember thinking to myself 'THIS is how i want to remember aunt deb forever'. she was wearing a bright, flourescent yellow wind jacket that pulled over her head and had a little white zipper that only went down a few inches. deb is always wearing either paint clothes (she's a painter) or workout clothes (she loves to bike and run and is in tip-top shape). that day she had sunglasses perched on top of her head and her skin was darkly tanned from lots of time outside riding, gardening, running...her skin was tight over her cheek bones as she smiled. her beautiful, short white hair (i will never dye mine if it becomes that color with age) was glistening, her hands were clasped together, and her green eyes were dancing.

that's the picture i would post for you if i had it. she was radiant in that moment- she being herself. and its embedded in my memory..

although my aunt is truly brilliantly smart and full TO THE BRIM with amazing thoughts and great ideas, proabably few will ever know her name. she really should write a book- i keep telling her that- but she hasn't yet and maybe she won't. there are a million large and small generous and wonderful things she had done that maybe only the closest of family will ever know about. she's the kind of person who has put herself out there a million times to help others and has been a hurt as many times by people who didn't get it or who were just willing to take advantage of her kindness. AND YET, she continues to do good...to love fully...to give...to care...

she is one of my heroes.

so here's to aunt deb! i love you! happy birthday!

who doesn't love a kid in a costume?

cohen spent a bit of his first trick or treat night being a SLEEP-PEA baby rather than the sweet pea we had planned, but eventually he woke up and got into the spirit of things...

joe was (very fittingly) a pirate who yelled 'aye, mighty'! (aka matey) with great precision and bubby, the fire fighter, shared with us how he saves peoples lives. the three of them , complete with costumes, made for a very enjoyable night.

the best part? they got tired quickly so we didn't have to stay in the cold too long... i think nights like these are often better as photo ops than as actual activities and we did get some good photos! so enjoy, friends!

Christmas jingles in October

i heard my first Christmas jingle last night. shawn and i made a quick run to babies r us to get cohen a halloween costume last night after we had dinner with my cousin, aj, and the girl he is dating. it was a really great night... we got to see the house aj is flipping (it looks RAD...if anyone you know is wanting to live in dayton, ohio- give me a hollar!) and then he picked up allison from her grad class and all five of us went to thai 9 for dinner. it was a great night full of wonderful surprises! my tom kah gai soup (my thai fav!) was unbelievable and the sushi was delightful! who knew dayton had such good asian food!??! allison- well, she got my stamp of approval. we were the first family members to meet her and so honored. and even cohen was in a good mood and happily (and almost quietly) flirted with the waiter and surrounding tables. it was a good night.

we jetted to babies r us just 30 minutes before it closed..which, i hate to do to the workers. i worked retail in college, i know how awful it is to see people walking in while you are trying to close (early, if at all possible). BUT there is nothing of the like in bellefontaine and we desperately needed to get his halloween costume since trick or treat night here is thursday. we walked in and saw the perfect costume immediately- i am going to keep what it is a surprise- but i will post pics on friday. it will be a plethora of cute kiddies...

ANYWAY when we were in babies r us drooling over all of the adorable clothes, shoes, coats...i heard my first Christmas music of the 'season'...my first thought was 'are you kidding me?!?! Christmas music before halloween?' i used to get upset when i heard it before Thanksgiving, but now that's an accepted practice, but before halloween? can anyone say 'marketing machine'?!?! that was my entire thought process as we rushed in and out of the store.

but today i got thinking about it... about Christmas and what it has become. you know i think holidays are just days and pretty much what you make them. we weren't allowed to trick or treat as kids but i don't personally have a problem with the way we are doing it this year...taking the kids to a nursing home where they can bless the residents, get dressed up, and enjoy some candy. i actually have more of a problem with Christmas... growing up we were poor enough (so many kids) that we never experienced that HUGE SPENDING/UGLY CONSUMERISM that gets talked about on the news. my parents never went into credit card debt to give us everything we wanted and it never took more than an thirty minutes for us ALL to open our presents. i didn't realize until the last few years that credit card debt for Christmas is actually quite common and that many parents feel pressured to give their kids everything they want...i didn't realize our economy actually depends on Christmas- that analysts start hoping for big spending months in advance...

and honestly, it makes me sick. last year, when shawn and i decided not to do the 'big gift thing' and just agree on some gifts we both wanted... he got a camera lense and upgrade and i got maternity clothes- and we still spent a ridiculous amount.

SICK.

so this year, we (along with my parents and siblings) have decided to give gifts to those in need instead of each other and we couldn't be MORE EXCITED about it.

we might be a little extreme and i certainly don't think everyone has to follow suit here, but i DO think EVERY PERSON should consider giving a gift to someone who truly needs it. it could mean participating in Angel Tree (angeltree.org) or serving at your local food pantry or shelter or even giving a gift to a child overseas. we have decided to do the latter.

there are lots of good organizations out there, but i want to highlight WORLD VISION because i ahve seen with my own two eyes the good that they do. when we went to africa i couldn't believe the difference $35/month could do. the ONLY kids at school with books or shoes were the sponsored kids and the only families with animals and seed to plant were families with sponsored kids.

world vision has a gift magazine with hundreds of gift ideas ranging from $35 to $5000! most of us could certainly spare $35 around the holidays... if you are interested AT ALL, please click on the picture below to see the gift ideas at www.worldvision.org and pray about adding a needy child or family to your Christmas shopping list... i promise that it will be money well spent- money planted into the Kingdom of God- and something you will never regret doing.

happy (very) early Christmas, friends.

bloggy happiness

hey friends..this one is going to be short and sweet...

i just wanted to let you know that i am working on a new site! i am very very excited about it! i will post a link as soon as it is up and running, but you can bookmark it if you like!

www.katemcdonald.NET

please note it is a ".NET" site and not a ".com" one...apparently kate mcdonald in every variation is already taken!

anyway, the new site is going to have my regular blog (which I will be updating alot- everyday), a book blog with recommendations and links to buy them USED, a recipe section, and eventually (this may take a month or so) a Bible study section!!! also, i am going to do the read through the Bible in a year again!

can't wait to get it up and running for you!

if insomnia had a face, i'd punch it

welll....friends. its 2:11am and i am STILL VERY AWAKE.

and you know what? its illogical. i woke up early with cohen, was awake half the night with cohen last night, and have been sleeping like literal crap for over a week now. logic says i should be on the verge of the kind of exhaustion that puts those movie-star-party-girls in the hospital every other week (of course mine hospital stays would actually be caused from exhaustion and not alcohol...minor difference, but you know what i am saying)

UGH. i want to sleep! if you are one of those people who falls asleep the minute your head hits the pillow and wakes in the morning when the alarm goes off...if that's you, with your perfect 8 hours of sleep every night, then i forbid you to continue reading this post!!!... we can't be friends anymore.

its not you, its me. as an insomniac, i just can't find it in my heart to like people like you who have deep, undisturbed sleep.

(please hear the SARCASM- you know i love you)

anyway....i am not sure what has happened to me. i mean, i have struggled with this my whole life (yes, even as an infant), but lately things had been better. i felt tired at night and woke up somewhat refreshed in the morning. heck, i was even nursing without really waking. but now i am back to this...

i just can't turn my brain off, people. i think during the day thre's nowhere for me to put my thoughts since i am focused on cohen...and then at night i have a whole day's worth of processing to do! when cohen finally nods off (he has troubled sleeping too), i just unwind for a while and then here come those pesky thoughts...and before i know it, its 2am and i am staring at the ceiling or watching cohen sleep with great jealousy.

what's a girl to do?

ok well i don't want to waste a whole post writing about how i am not sleeping, which is obvious enough i don't need to say it... so let me tell you some recent joe and josh stories...but just a few....

think of it as your reward for reading this far.


I AIN'T SCARET OF DOCKERS!

joshy (who is now insisting on being called 'bubby') is really scared of going to the doctor. you probably would be too if you were on a medical card and got treated more often than necessary at clinics because your (bio) mom liked the attention and wanted something to do besides sitting on her butt watching tv all day..(man, lack of sleep doesn't make someone nicer, does it?) ANYWAY, suffice it to say that josh has had many bad experiences with doctors is rather scared of them. he got strep throat last week and had to go...he was pitching a fit about it and crying and carrying on. then just he walked out of his room and right up to mom. "guess what, mommy? jesus said to my heart 'YOU AIN'T SCARET OF DOCKERS, BOY!!' and i ain't scaret no mo." he said it with such conviction and so loudly that we all had to restrain ourselves from laughing until he left the room. and who knows, right? maybe that's just how jesus said it to his little ghetto, 3 yrd old heart!


NURSERY RHYMES GONE BAD
joe was singing nursery rhymes and songs in the back of the car while we drove. its not out of the ordinary for him to mix and match the lines/lyrics but this was the best one we'd ever heard: joe singing just as sweetly as possible, "mary had a farmer in the dell" (i promise, that's true! *grin*)


11 OR 12 WIVES
while i was house-sitting for my aunt mary and shawn was fishing in michigan, joe and josh came and spent an afternoon with cohen and i. we were working on puzzles and talking about life. the boys gave me some great revelations. joe was working intently on the puzzle and telling me how he is going to marry 'iley'(ireland), a little girl from his class. he kept telling me 'she look like berry 'ortcake!' in his best loud voice accompanied by his best sort-of-bashful expression. (i think he thinks being louder will make it less embarressing) the cutest part is that iley really DOES look like strawberry shortcake.

i asked him how old he thought he should be before he got married and he quickly said "18". that was closer than i expected. he then told me 'her daddy don't care!' i smiled.

later when i asked him how many peices he wanted his bagel cut into and he said '18!' and when i asked how old he thought i was '18!' and then how many girls he likes '18!' and then how many is he going to marry?

'maybe 11 or 12'. hmmm...i thought maybe everything was going to be answered with a resounding '18!', but it seems like he thought about that last one...*grin*


CHINA BABY
the same afternoon josh was playing with one of cohen's toys...its a tummy mat with a spot that has water in it and little floating fish. josh asked 'how you maked this?'

i assured him i didn't make it or know how it was made, i just bought it at the store. i didn't want to get into a long convo of 'whys'...then josh asked me who did make it and to humor myself i quipped 'probably someone in china'. i said it mostly under my breath, but leave it to josh to pick up on every word.

"china? i used to lib in china..."

i looked at him with surprise; he looked at me just to check if i was buying it. i played along. i wanted to hear where this would go...

"...i libbed in china when i was a baby."

"you did?" i egged him on.

"yep. shore did."

"how long did it take you to get there?"

"umm...a wong, wong time. its far far away"

"did you walk there?" i asked.

"no silly! its far far away. i taked a airpane."

"how long was your airplane ride, joshy?"(he corrected me "bubby")

"it taked 18 weeks!" (i guess he caught on to that whole 18 thing too)

"wow..what did you do there?"

"i was a teacher. i teached babies and big tids!"

"what did you teach them?"

josh looked over at cohen, who was kicking his little legs wildly and said "i teached babies to tick like tohen! and i teached them to grow...big like ME!"

what could be more fun than just asking questions and seeing where a little kid will take a story...!?!? i think at 3 thte line between reality and imagination is pretty blurry...by the end of the conversation, he thought he had convinced me and i think he did convince himself. he's now telling everyone he was born in china!



MY LAST NAME IS...
on my aunt's wall there hangs pictures of her 4 sons and their children. now my maiden name is adelsberger and my aunt's first husband's last name was rodenberger. josh and joe wanted to look at each picture and say the grandkids names. "that's riley and brody and alec!" exclaimed josh. joe put in his two cents "there's addy!" we went through this drill about a million times in one afternoon, naming each kid every time. josh finally took a breath and paused and looked at me.

'what's cohen's last name?' he asked (at preschool, he is just figuring out people have first and last names, but why some people's are the same and some are different is still lost on him)

"mcdonald" i answered.

'what's your last name, tadie?'

'mcdonald' i told him. i hesitated to explain cohen's and mine are the same since i am his mommy. the boys think of my mom as their own so the fact that their last names aren't the same could potentially be confusing. while i was mulling that over in my mind, joshy started rapid firing

...."what's shawn donald's last name?'

"mcdonald, silly,' i answered (they think his first name is shawn donald...of course they think shane's first name is 'shane and shane' and that the other shane is his brother...so lots of things are confusing to them)

then josh started asking me the last names of all of the little kids on the wall of pictures. it ended up that my answers were something like this: "adelsberger, adelsberger, rodenberger, adelsberger, rodenberger, rodenberger" etc.

josh took it all in and started back on the puzzle. then he paused and looked up. 'want to know my last name? its (he looked at the tv) jimmy neautron-jesus (his favorite person)- BERGER!"

i stifled my laugh and asked again, 'what was that last name?' this time he said it louder and with great enthusiasm "JIMMY NEUTRON-JESUS-BERGER"

I tried to convince him not every last name ends with 'berger' but it was in vain.



ok...tiredness is coming on and i am going to try to make nice with mr sleep rather than wasting my time fighting with mr insomnia...

later, friends.

*hey 3 posts in 4 days, arne't you proud of me?

organization seems unattainable, but the organizing makes me happy

what do you do when everything in your life needs settled? wellll, if you are me, you organize. and not only do you organize, but you organize something simple and unnecessary that will take you the better part of the day....

...like, for instance, my bookshelves...

all of my books were already unpacked and on the shelves in some relative order, but today i was looking at them and decided they all needed to be taken down and properly situated. it would also be correct to say that today i was looking at my parents' basement full my furniture and boxes in great need of being ordered, unpacked or repacked and labeled, and cleaned and faced with the greater mess, i opted to deal with the 100th thing on my enormous to do list: the bookshelves.

so i took every one of the books down off the shelves (i have a lot- the line an entire wall probably 12 feet long and almost as high) and began placing them in piles... fiction, pregnancy/parenting, cohen's books, dog books, nutrition/cooking, study tools, Bibles, Bible study books, journals, relationship/marriage, classics, science books, psychology..and so on. even just getting them in piles took a few hours of my time in between nursing appointments with my rather demanding almost 6 month old (dear Lord!) son. then i mapped out where i wanted each section...which ones i use the most often where they would be most accessible, the journals up high where no one can read them, the study tools in the middle, fiction to the left, books on Christian living to the right with the study tools and Bible studies and Bibles. Then I alphabetized each section, labeled it, and placed them on the shelves according to the accessibility grid.

(as an aside, it turns out that have a last name that starts with an "l" or an "m" is prime for being an author since about half of my bookshelves are filled with authors whose last names begin with those letters. i guess that's good for me...now all i need is some TIME, movitation, and a topic and i will be well on my way to authorship! *grin*)

anyway..it took all day, but the bookshelves are beautifully organized and ready for use, even if i still can't find my clothes or the cover for cohen's bouncy seat or the extra key to the front door the realtor is needing...

...and honestly, i feel better.

does anyone else think procrastination is a disease? *grin*

well..i have posted two days in a row...so i am going to give myself some grace.

have a good night, friends.

p.s. (how long has it been since i last typed that!?!?!) i finished the book last night and the end was even better than the beginning...i want to tell you about it so much that i am going to have to sign off here before i blurt it out and ruin everything for you......

A little inspiration does a body good

hello, friends...

maybe a few of you are still reading these scant posts.

someday (soon) things are going to calm down and i am going to post everyday. okay, let's get real: things are never going to slow down, but someday (SOON) i am going to start posting everyday.

promise.

its been a crazy week. puppies! baby! more puppies! i have been house/dog sitting for my aunt and going back and forth between my mom's house and her's. at first shawn, cohen and i were staying there full time. she has a big back yard and we thought 'why not take all the dogs too?' so we packed up like we were moving AGAIN (good grief) and moved in to her place. i will save you the painful details, but that turned out not to be such a good idea. well, minus the fact that she has an awesome bathroom that was perfect for whelping the puppies. but other than that, having our four dogs plus her mini schanuzer all in one house was not a brilliant thought. because the big back yard is not fenced and the not so big front yard is directly on a large, busy road it was not such a brilliant thought. everyone ended up inside together. two adults, one baby, and 4 dogs plus another pregnant one is frankly, just too much. so after jetti had the puppies, the dogs all got moved back to my parents way out in the country where they have the run of garage and 5 acres out in the middle of nowhere. and we are all much happier...even while driving back and forth taking care of my aunt's house and dog.

shawn went fishing with my dad in michigan last weekend and that was the really hard part...when he left. before that, he was taking our 3 out to potty and he can control them better than i do. i was just dealing with jetti who hardly could move she was so huge. and my aunt's dog is leashed up outside. but when he left, i was taking each dog out one by one on a leash. not fun.

wait...i didn't tell you about shawn chasing grey (my aunt's dog), did i?

its a good story. wanna hear it?

so my aunt informed me that grey is a runner...you let him off the leash and he bolts. so everyday i was taking him out and making sure he was secured tied up outside and then taking him ON THE LEASH into the house. i have no time for chasing dogs. i guess we had been there about a day and i was inside making breakfast. grey was out on his tie up in the yard. shawn decided to take our 3 out to go potty. he had been out a few minutes when he came running in, with our 3 dogs in tow, and he was red-faced and panicked. "he just took off!" he yelled, out of breath.

"who?" i asked, my emotion quickly raising to meet his.

"grey!"

"grey?!?!?"

"yes, grey" he looked surprised at my bewilderment.

"SHAWN! i said he bolts! why did you take him off his tie-up?!?!?" now i was panicked.

"what? i don't remember you saying that...i just thought he would like to get off and play with the others."

he didn't remember me saying 'just leave grey- he bolts'? are you kidding me?!!?!

it was the last thing i said, people. the last thing before he walked out the door. just further proof that men really don't listen. i couldn't say anything i was so mad (and that's mad for me) i raced out the door in my pjs which would hardly have been appropriate for any woman, let alone a nursing mama. i spotted him. i walked toward him telling myself to exude calm assertive energy (thank you, mr. dog whisperer) grey was socializing with 3 tiny pomeranians next door. i got within two feet of him and he lunged away and ran across that big, busy road in my aunt's front yard. i was sure i was going to see him get killed, but he just missed a semi. the neighbor offered to help and i was about to fall apart. then i saw shawn speeeding across the road. i watched as grey darted around the apartments and shawn chased him. and there i stood in my pjs screaming "chase him AWAY from the road!" i really had lost all sense of pride, friends. i just didn't want to have to tell my aunt her precious dog had died on my watch after two days. grey darted behind the apartments and i lost sight of them for a minute until they were in the parking lot of the medical campus a ways down the road. grey thought it was a game. shawn looked tired. suddenly i remember my son sitting in his swing and i ran back inside. i was crying. about ten minutes later i heard shawn's FLIP FLOPS (yes, he was running in them) on the sidewalk and he came in carrying the wayward dog. he put grey down inside the door and muttered something about being out of shape and needing to run. grey looked tired too. i started laughing out of relief but then i was laughing because it was kind of funny.

needless to say, grey was never off that leash again outside. my aunt gets home saturday and her dog will be alive and well to meet her.

i didn't really intend to go into all of that...but what the hey- why not?

my mom has this friend from college, sprinkle, that i secretly wish was my friend. i guess she is, but we are friends in the way that you are with someone the age of your mom. she has a beautiful, round face and this wild irish red curly hair and these shiny brown eyes. she is shorter than even me and her laugh is addictive. luckily, she laughs a lot. she was here last for my brother's wedding (which was GORGEOUS, SWEET, JOYOUS, MAGICAL). she stayed for the weekend and she left a book for my mom. my mom doesn't get the occasion to read much while she is chasing around her elementary age little boys. shawn went to visit a friend in columbus tonight, and so when he did and cohen was nursing, i picked up the little book.

she told me briefly that it was about...a friend of rich mullins who lost his 2 year old, severely disabled daughter 6 months after Rich was killed by a semi, and then lost his mom wrote the book. its a novel about grief and heaven..somewhere between fiction and non-fiction... in the same vein as lewis' book 'the great divorce'.

well..i am half way through and I LOVE IT. in fact, i love it so much that i had to pause reading it so i could write a blog and tell you to read it.

its that good.

i am putting a link on here so you can get it and enjoy it like i have. its beautiful...beautiful thoughts about heaven. i don't want to give anything away or rob your very own reading experience..but i have to tell one thing, ok? i would like to say i am just trying to get you hooked, but i'd be lying to deny that i just can't keep things to myself. i do want you to hooked, though, ok? so don't hold it against me too much.

ok...so the main character is having a vision/dream/i am not sure about going to heaven and he enters into this cabin in the woods. there isn't much in the cabin...its sparsely furnished and decorated. he sees on picture on the fireplace mantle and goes in to get a closer look. its a young boy playing in a sandbox. he can't help but smile. then it occurs to him...the photo is HIM. only he can't remember ever seeing it before...can't remember it being taken. later, through some plot turns, he learns that its not a photo, but a memory...God's memory...God's favorite memory of him as a boy...

yeah...its good, people. you can buy it used on amazon for only a few bucks. its worth it. trust me.



something else that you should check out if you are needing to FEEL...cry...feel inspired.

go to your local movie rental place (or better yet, buy it) and get yourself a copy of "reign over me". i think i blogged about it when shawn and i first saw it in the theater. but it just came out on video so it deserves to be blogged about again. go see it. i know adam sandler and don cheadle seem like an odd couple to be in the same movie together...but this ain't no (good grief! my grammar has been affected by joshy, i am afraid!) 'water boy' adam sandler movie.



just watch it. you'll understand. let me know what you think.

good night, friends.