The Accidental Traveler HAS MOVED!!! FIND ME AT: WWW.KATEMCDONALD.WORDPRESS.COM

Some Places to Find Me

2009-04-23T03:08:00.001-07:00

2007-12-30T18:40:00.001-08:00

NEWS

2007-12-30T12:59:00.000-08:00

I am currently about 7 miles above the earth in a slightly empty flying tin can of sorts. The best part of that sentence is “slightly empty” because that means that the air is somewhat fresh, the human smell is muted, and in general everyone (airline stewardess and steward included) is happier. It is almost as good as an upgrade.

Almost.

Our first flight from Portland to Denver was a disaster. Shawn and I were split up and no available seat for Cohen, so he was squirming on my lap and fussing and biting his fingers. The two ladies seated next to me were about as friendly as rattlesnakes. Before Cohen even started fussing, they were giving me unfavorable sideways glances. Then once I nursed him and got him asleep, instead of being relieved they just kept pushing his legs back over into my seat. It was sort of like the imaginary line thing you did in the backseat of the car with your siblings during family vacation,…kinda, except, his foot would be one inch their direction and they’d push it back with one finger as if he were covered in some flesh eating rash.

It was two hours I wouldn’t want to live over. So this flight in comparison…well, its heaven.

So I am writing because I have some NEWS. (and no, I am not preggo- admit it, you thought that) I think I will post my NEWS with bullets…how do you feel about that?

• First of all, Engage the Journey is beginning in just a couple of days now and I am oh-so-excited about it! I have had lots of emails and interest, so I am sure this will be as rich as in 2006. If you are interested, just drop me an email, ok? mcdonkate@gmail.com Of course you can join anytime, but its easier to stay committed if you don’t get behind.

• Secondly, the website for Engage the Journey ’08 has changed. Its now www.engagethejourney08.wordpress.com I was looking back through my blog last night and categorizing posts (something I should’ve done a long time ago) and realized how often I have attempted to use my iWeb to make sites, but the only problem is, THEY ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS! Some people can’t read it on non-mac computers, sometimes there are unexplained publishing errors, and I cannot upload or change anything from a computer other than my own. So I started thinking about that and got worried that if something went wrong, it could mess up people’s reading. SO..I changed it. If you already bookmarked the page, change it, ok? And let others know too, ok? Thanks

• Thirdly, its not only Engage the Journey that is moving to wordpress.com, The Accidental Traveler is too! Same explanation as above…had trouble getting it to work and got fed up…so PLEASE change my link and visit me at www.katemcdonald.WORDPRESS.com I will miss you if you don’t come and visit. You might ask, why wordpress? Well….

o It is more complicated to figure out and you to have to pay in order to change html code (which I haven’t done yet) BUT you can have multiple pages, people can sign in and leave their address even if its not a wordpress one, more widgets, more designable….
o I have loved blogger and most people I know keep their blogs there, but I have grown tired of it and needed a change that gave me a few more options…

So I think that’s all my news for now. I will write some funny stories a little bit later when the computer isn’t about to die like it is right now. And don’t worry, Caroline, I am fixing to answer your theology question in a day or so!

Church of the Nativity (with pics)

2007-12-28T08:02:00.000-08:00

Good morning, friends! Wow. I meant to write this post some time ago and just haven't been able to. We have enjoyed having Christmas in Oregon with Shawn's family, but its been FULL. We haven't been here in so long and there's been lots of catching up to do! That, and then did I mention that Cohen is cutting teeth? Because he is. Shawn sang "all I want for Christmas is my two front teeth" to him on Christmas Eve and wouldn't you know the next morning he'd cut his first one? And then he's spent the last two days working on the second bottom tooth. So the rest of my time that's not been spent talking or playing games has been spent administering cold things to chew on and concentrated infant motrin. He's been fussy, but that tooth is so stinkin' cute I don't even care! As soon as its big enough to photograph without us seeming like those parents, I will post a pic.

ANYWAY
Our last day in Palestine, we had sort of a free day. Cohen and I had missed the afternoon shoot at Manager Square and the Church of the Nativity, so we wanted to go there. Shawn had to do some taped interviews in the morning for the documentary so I decided to do some laundry. Everyone smokes there and between that and Cohen's puking, pretty much all of our clothes needed washed. I hate packing dirty stuff. So to make a long story short, I started laundry around 10am and literally didn't finish until we left for the airport at 4:30pm. How is that possible? No, we didn't wear 18 outfits each everyday...it was only 1 load of laundry...BUT the washer didn't spin out, so at the end of its cycle it was still full of water and I had to ring out each piece of clothes by hand then when I checked on the dryer an hour later, it became apparent that it does not actually get hot. So I ended up hanging our clothes out to dry on the roof. Which probably would've worked if it had been warmer than 50 degrees. So anyway, we left at 1pm to see the church while the clothes were "drying"...really, I could've had a few more hours in the square if I had just succumbed to the idea that I was going to be packing wet (although not pukey or smokey!) clothes. So the moral of the story is....if you go to Palestine, see the sites and just take home that stale smoke smell. Its better in the end than mildew.

*grin*

ANYWAY
Even with the slight laundry debacle looming, the Church of the Nativity was the most amazing thing we saw. Built over the stable believed to be where Jesus was found by the shepherds, it was completely captivating and old and full of mystery. I wanted to share with you some of the photos I took.

The square was just starting to fill up when we arrived and it was teeming with people by the time we left...this is the first Christmas tourism had come back to Bethlehem and everyone was so excited!

These women are huddling in front of the door into the church- its tiny! you can see the actual door better in the above photo.

Here's a view from of the door from the inside. You can see how small it is. I guess at one time it was larger and you can see where they built it in with wood. Our friend said that it was built smaller to keep the Romans from charging into the church on horseback.

The original floor had been built over.

Its gorgeous tile...you can see what it looked like here.

This is the view from when you first walk in...there are actual services going on and you can see ahead how ornate everything is! It was hard to get pics because of all of the lights hanging low, so bear with me, ok? I will post some of Shawn's awesome pics somewhere so you can see more clear ones.

In this area here there was actually a priest and a nun. I refrained from taking their pics!

This was one of my favorite areas inside because it wasn't so ornate...this felt like what I had imagined..old and magical.

We went down in these tiny tunnels that looked like caves and were in the ground. You can see everyone crowding around to get a pic of the area set up to honor Jesus' birth in the spot he was believed to have been found. Stables were actually underground in caves then.

Here's what the shrine looked like

We came out of the caves into another area of the church that is newer and gorgeous! There was an orchestra practices for a Christmas concert. This whole church was bigger than you can imagine. We just kept going and going and there seemed to be no end to it!

Adjacent to the orchestra was another place to stop and honor Jesus.

There were tons of more caves from there...none of the pics turned out but this one since most of the areas were very dimly lit by candles. Lots of saints and Bible translators (early ones) were buried in the caves. It was not like something you'd see in a church in the States, trust me!

One such Bible translator was whose body we had passed, was also remembered in a statue just outside the church in a courtyard.

another view of the gorgeous courtyard

one more view from outside

Shawn and I have this travel book called something like "1000 Places to See Before You Die" or something catchy like that. It lists one of the places as Bethlehem at Christmastime. Although we missed Christmas by 2 days, I think I can agree with the book and recommend it. We actually want to go back again and see more. If you get the chance, Go! Don't let the news media scare you into not going.

Okay friends. More later. Love you!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2007-12-25T13:01:00.000-08:00

leavin' on a jet plane

2007-12-22T11:29:00.000-08:00

well my dear friendly readers, its 9:30pm here in tel aviv, israel and we are just shy of two hours from beginning our very long trek back to the US. we have a 12 hour flight to atlanta and then a 5-ish hour flight from there to portland.

can't you tell every word i write is pregnant and almost bursting with sheer joyful anticipation?

ha.

cohen is awake now which i hope translates to lots of sleep in a bit. you know, yesterday we started saying 'well at least he never adjusted to the time here... that should make it easier for him to go back west.' and then you know what happened, right? the obvious comedic scene that swiftly followed our hopeful assertions?

yep. he slept through the night last night, proving that it took him exactly one week to fully adjust to the time change- just in time for us to go home. what can i say? this kid's got great timing.

know what else he's got? lungs, people. and not just lungs or even Lungs...he possess some serious LUNGS. he's protesting his incarceration in the stroller right next to me at the moment. shawn's off in the duty free section of the airport, shopping, i am afraid. even just typing that makes me nervous. he's been gone exactly 48 minutes now.(not that i am keeping track, mind you) i hate spending money...i am the tightwad of this marriage. let's say he's more 'free spirited' than i am in that realm...and let's just say that his being gone so long is making me slightly 'crazy' because that also would be fair statement.

ahh...men. ('nough said)

i can't write too long or we'll have no battery for the flight. we are planning on watching (yes, again) the most recent rob bell dvd. and maybe if the stars all align we'll be watching from business class. when we checked in they told us there was a good possibility of being upgraded. i kinda wish they hadn't even mentioned it since now about all i can think of (besides strangling my husband if he comes back with a shopping bag) is those stinking big comfy chairs in business class that i have never actually been able to sit in.

anyway, i have pics of manager square and the church of the nativity to share with you and a few more stories and i promise to get to them within a few days.

But until then, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

here's a pic of cohen enjoying the tel aviv airport

and in other news...cohen had only liked bananas and avocado until this trip...but then he decided he LOVES hummus and we thought 'man our kid has sophisticated taste' and patted ourselves on the back a little..too much, maybe since the very next afternoon he decided he also LOVES the taste of random coffee tables.

a day in the Holy City (with pictures)

2007-12-19T00:53:00.000-08:00

good afternoon, friends. well its not afternoon in the US yet, but perhaps by the time you read this it will be.

cohen and i opted to sleep in this morning rather than go with the filming crew...for one, we've not been getting much sleep since the time change has really thrown our baby for a loop. secondly, we have to leave the area when they are filming anyway since cohen is so...um...LOUD.

anyway...i couldn't fall asleep so i stayed up watching rob bell's new dvd "everything is spiritual" which i highly recommend to all of you. just when the dvd was finishing, cohen woke up. which, of course, figures. he rolled over, pulled himself to his knees, and holding on to me, started to bounce. my immediate thoughts were: he's really missing his jumpy seat. and he is really awake. i enjoyed it for awhile, but after a couple of hours, i was ready to take him into the common area and leave him there so i could get some sleep! (just kidding- well, kinda) but when i rolled over this morning and realized we'd slept until 10:30am, everything felt alright.

yesterday was nothing short of amazing. we had the day to just see the area. since it was the only chance we'd have to see Jerusalem, we decided to get a cab and go. that proved to be no easy task, since we had to get a driver from outside of palestine to cross the border and come and get us. none of the arab drivers are allowed to leave. then when we did have a israeli driver, we had to go through the check point- also no easy task. but it was all worth it.

i cannot tell you how the very short drive from palestine to israel feels like you are being transported from one world to a completely different one. in comparison to where we'd been staying, israel was a place fit for kings! all of the buildings looked new and modern and white washed. everything is made of these gorgeous stones and trees and all around and even flowers (something we'd not seen yet). many of the people were dressed stylishly and there were traffic lights.

a little taste of what the city looks like

what the homes look like in Israel

our driver took us to the gates of the old city and dropped us off. the first thing that struck me was that the shopping mall just outside of this ancient part of the city was not unlike a shopping mall in europe or the US. when we saw signs for the billabong store, i think we all had to check ourselves!

we ate just inside this old city gates at a little stand. cars zoomed by on the cobbled streets and people en mass pushed through. we watched the orthodox jews walking around with their black garb and hats and long, curly sideburns. shawn desperately wanted to get a photo, but apparently that's offensive to them, so he held back. we walked down the old streets now so full of shopping, with brightly colored scarves hanging high, tossed by the breeze. it was a gorgeous sunny day. perfect for a little walking in a place like the old city. its the kind of place you could spend weeks discovering. i wished we had more time.

shawn talking with ariella on a typical street in the old city

a view of the shopping down one alley

to say there's a lot to see here, would be the understatement of a lifetime. EVERYTHING is ancient and EVERYTHING is spiritually and historically significant here. every inch of this beautiful land has a story... ariella, an israeli/american girl who is here with us, was playing tour guide for the day. and although she's lived in the Holy Land for 10 years now and essentially grown up here, she said there;s still so much she hasn't seen.

which gives you an idea of how much we were trying to cram into our one little afternoon.

with so many amazing sites to choose from, we decided to see the place they think Christ was crucified and buried (the garden tomb), arial view of the city from a mountain, garden of gethsmene and accompanying church, and the wailing wall.

the garden tomb was an amazing place...the most 'lush' vegetation we'd seen.. as you wind through the garden, you come to place with a view of the side of mountain that bears what appears to be a skull in the side of it. i don't mean an actual skull, mind you. i mean that they way the rock was shaped looked like a skull. it is widely believed to be the site of golgotha (which in hebrew is "skull"). it was a weird moment...later we all said we felt like its a spot that should be quiet and candle lit or something. instead, there's a bus station just below and crowds of people mulling around. all i could hear was the tour guide 15 feet away, explaining the whole scene...it sort of stole the moment. i think later, i'll have to sneak back in my mind and experience it alone...with candles and silence. the garden from which the view of golgotha was seen also holds the tomb where Jesus is believed to have been buried. this time, the tour guide with his tour-guide-voice (you know what i am talking about!) came in handy as he explained why its believed to be Jesus' tomb. for one, the tomb was manmade and the specific area where the body was laid was dug out and obviously not meant for the body it held. the Bible says a rich man named Joseph of Arimathea gave up his tomb for Jesus, so that would make sense. also, the tomb was obviously meant for a rich person...based on a nearby wine press and the impressive gardens. that paired with the closeness of golgotha, a place known for crucifixtion, and now you know the reasoning for this being labeled Jesus' tomb. even though there were lots of tours and people nearby, we got to enter the tomb alone and have a moment. it felt very surreal.

golgotha

you can kind of see the skull here- the two big holes are eye sockets, can you see it now?

the garden of the tomb

the outside of the tomb, ariella and jeff (works for ethnographic media) entering in

the tomb

an inscription in the tomb

sign outside of the tomb, in the garden

the garden of gethsemene was beautiful...full of olive trees. the church built on the site (churches are built on nearly ever 'site' or believed site) was exquisite! i cannot begin to tell you have huge it was or how ornate. we enjoyed seeing it, but had to work hard to get our imaginations to consider Jesus praying there, among the olive branches. I know these places have to be tourist spots, but I wish somehow it all could've been preserved. still, that's not realistic, i suppose...and huge elaborate church or not, it was mind blowing to think we were standing in any proximity to places where Jesus had stood.

the garden of gethsemene.. this pic is deceiving because you can't actually walk around in it

the church from a distance, with garden in foreground

side view of church, garden is to left

church is HUGE! (this is my attempt at an artistic photo-ha!)

told you it was HUGE. cohen made friends with the monks! (wish i had a pic of that)

a view of the entry doors from inside the church..the light was gorgeous

view from the church steps... the wall of Jerusalem and the very top of the gold dome

the wailing wall was a site many people were at...to get close and actually touch the wall, the women had to go in on one side and the men on another. the wailing wall is believed to be the oldest part of Jerusalem and an original wall of the rebuilt temple. it is a site of mourning what has been lost...jews are actually waiting for the temple to physically be rebuilt since they don't believe Jesus was the temple resurrected after 3 days. an older jewish man was singing loudly near the wall and ariella said he was praying for the temple to be rebuilt.

jewish flag, wailing wall is wall to the right
you can see the stones at the bottom are larger and older, a different style of building..if you look close you can see the people who are closer to the wall through the fence...

shawn and i know we have to come back here...to have more than 5 or 6 hours to soak it all up... and maybe when cohen is a bit older... carrying all 21lbs of him in a front pack all day was some serious work. and by the end of it, he;d just plain had it!

happy cohen in the morning

distressed cohen at dinner time

you know, when we first drove in from the airport, i remember almost asleep in the taxi i thought 'i could live here'. which is weird, because i never think that. not even of places in america. and even weirder, since all i had seen were a few things in the dark, passing by quickly in the taxi cab window. but it is a weird sensation, to feel connected to a place you've never been before...but i do feel attached to this land. i think despite everything going on and all of the unrest, you can feel its Holiness. you can feel the emotion of the people and the love of the land God gave to them. it literally feels spiritually significant. now, don't go fretting -(esp. mom, if you are reading this)- we aren't moving here. but i know that if God asked me to, i could. that's all i am saying.

the culture is special...its not scary at all either. people are warm and friendly on both sides. i wouldn't want to be a jew in palestine, of course, but everyone is kind to foreigners. so if you've ever thought of coming and then decided against it because of what you've seen on the news, i encourage you to rethink a trip here. you won't be disappointed.

ariella's father was a missionary kid here and grew up in israel. he went to college, got married, had children, and then felt pulled back. i asked her what her american-born mom felt about living here...she said simply "she loves it". ariella is going to college in the US if she can stand to leave her homeland for that long, but she is definitely coming back. and i don't blame her. she tells us there is so much work for the Kingdom to be done here...so many believers in need of help that she knows her life has meaning here..she knows what is her part to play... its in her blood.

i have a feeling it wouldn't take long to get into mine either.

God bless. more later.

** and better pics later...i will post some shawn's when he uploads and edits them..his are gorgeous! his art...i take pics for memories**

Ghetto Bethlehem- {Bethlehem trip- part one)

2007-12-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

Well, I added a ton of posts because I wasn't sure I would be able to blog at all this week... you just never can be sure about the state of internet while traveling... BUT as it turns out, the Bethlehem Bible College that is housing us, does in fact, have wireless internet.

So I suppose all of my franctic blogging was all for naught, friends. Anyway, if you get super bored, there are many new posts here in the month of December.

I was quite worried about our flights (see previous post) but in the end, it all worked out. Some nice people traded seats so that our little family could all sit in the same row. And even more importantly, Cohen was asleep within the first hour and continued sleeping for the next 8 hours of our 12 hour flight. Shawn and I were so relieved that we didn't even mind that our seats didn't recline. Everything seems wonderful when you are expecting to deal with a shreiking, squirming, growling 7 month old and then instead you get a smiley, peacefully, deep sleeping one! He woke up this morning and spent the rest of the flight flirting with two young Jewish girls seated near us. A few people, upon exiting the plane, even said "we didn't even know there was a baby sitting by us!" We are so proud- our little traveler. Of course, this whole experience is making us think 'man, its no problem to travel with little ones' which I am sure will backfire on us whenever we con ourselves into having more.

Or maybe we'll just remember how he responds to jet lag and decide travels must be somewhat limited. When it was time for bed last night here it was lunchtime at home. I nursed Cohen and we turned out the light. He went to sleep- magic! And then he woke up and the magic was gone. He shreiked and screamed until I put the light on. I tried to nurse him and get him to lie down...he looked at us like we were nuts. Eventually somewhere around 3am, we officially gave up and let him play with toys on the bed between us while we tried to get some sleep. He went back to sleep around 4, Shawn decided to get up after anyway, and me? I decided to SLEEP.

Ethnographic Media/Bearing Fruit is a really cool group of people. The sun came out this morning and we had a little more strength to give sustained attention to learning about the members of the crew and the man who the documentary is centered around. To say its been a day of learning, would be an understatement.

I suppose I consider myself a fairly educated and aware person overall. But I have to admit that when we first got the call that we were invited to go to Bethlehem, I thought 'wow Israel!' when of course, Bethlehem is in Palestine. That gives you an idea of my ignorance about the middle east even from a geographic perspective- nevermind the politics. My thinking about the tension between the Palestinians and Israelis was simple: these people have been fighting forever and its not likely to change anytime soon..and please? the Gaza strip? is that strip of desert worth fighting over? And I suppose if I had to take sides (not that I really had)I would've sided with Israel on the simple basis of their being God's chosen people. I think probably a lot of Christians think similarly while being mostly ignorant like myself. We hear little bits and peices on the news but I hate to say that even Fox news (widely perferred by believers) is not spin-free.

Sammie, the man whose life is the focus of this documentary, said something tonight that I think is very true. He said, when people come here for a week, they think they could write on one page what would fix the tensions here. When they've stayed a month, its grown to a pamphlet. In six months, the pamphlet becomes a booklet and by a year, its become a book. The more information one learns, the more frayed and varied and difficult the solutions seem.

Sammieis a Palestinian Christian whose family was kicked out of their homes in Jerusalem 40 years ago and they have been considered refugees ever since. Educated in the US with a masters degree in the psychology of non-violence, Sammie came back to Palestine and started The Holy Land Trust. Its main objective is to teach non-violent mindset and procedures and to encourage travel to the area for outsiders to become educated on the issues that exist here.

Dinner tonight with Sammie and his family (wife and daughters Lu Lu 5yrs and Laraina 5 months)helped to shed light on all of the scenes we had soaked up today as we drove around Bethlehem. Most of our day was focused on seeing the wall that is being erected all around the borders of Israel and is actually walling in the tiny area called the Palestinian territories. The wall is enormous. I cannot rightly explain to you just how HUGE it is. And almost every inch of it is covered in graffiti. Its that very artistic and thought-provoking graffiti that inspired the name of this documentary 'Ghetto Bethlehem'. Sayings cover the walls, asking Israel to remember that "thou shalt not steal still applies" and reminding them that the are now doing to the Palestinians the very thing that was done to them- taking their homes, not giving them a land, and occupation. The art is almost as bone chilling. The one that sticks out most in my mind is a huge dove with an olive branch in its mouth, wearing a bullet proof vest.

There were so many things I didn't understand... I guess I just thought that these were two countries, equal in power and resources, that were fighting one another. The reality is much different. Palestine does not have a military of any kind. And now they are only fighting to occupy 8% of the land and be able to govern themselves. Its not quite the picture I had in my mind. Even as we looked at an arial view of the wall being built and our guide pointed out the land beyond, saying 'this is our land. we still own parcels and houses but we cannot build it. Israel will not give us permits. We are only allowed to 'visit' our land between 6am and 6pm. And even then, we can only go when the guard shows up to unlock the gate, which is rare.' Even then, the thought in the forefront of my mind was simply 'this is half the story'.

Tonight as Sammie went back and explained to us the history, I struggled to hold on that thought. So in case you know as little as I did, I will tell you just a few things. Until 1948, all of this land was Palestine. Jews and Palestinians lived together here. There was tension, but it was all Palestine. Because of that tension, the UN came in and divided the land, creating two countries and giving Israel their own land. Although the Jews constituted 20% of the population, they were given 55% of the land, which naturally was unacceptable to the the arab community. This is when things heated up. The outcome was that eventually Israel actually took more than the UN gave them and ended up with 80% of the land and now the Palestinian territories actually make up only 40% of the rest of that 20%...do the math, that's 8% of the total. And that's what they are fighting for. Yes, its the west bank and gaza strip- land we can't imagine fighting over, but its all they have. And there is a fight over Jerusalem, a city both groups lay claim to. I guess Jerusalem is actually east and west Jerusalem- two cities. Samie seems to think Israel should have one city and Palestine the other...without borders, but who knows if that's possible now?

One thing is for sure, many people here have been refuges over 60 years now and living in horrid conditions. In the refugee camps (there are 5 in Bethlehem)as many as 50 people live in one flat that's usually less than 1000sqft. Animals and people co-exist in filth. Its very sad. When the Palestinians were forced out of Jerusalem, 800,000 people were displaced. And SAmmie is right to say that once conflict is over, people return home (think: Bosnia) but no one has returned home here. And however you see it, there is something not right with that.

Tonight part of our dinner was filmed...strange. You definitely find yourself thinking more about how wide you open your mouth to take a bite than you do the conversation. So luckily they only filmed a small portion. Once we were without lights and cameras, the conversation flowed more easily and we were all more relaxed. It began to occur to me, that along with my ignorance, I had made the assumption that Israel is Jewish and Christian and Palestine is Muslim. But the lines are that easily drawn. Many Muslim Palestinians live in Israel and (although declining) the Christian population in Palestine was in the recent past over 30%! These are a people with a shared history and in many ways, a shared DNA. Sammie told us even though he's Palestinian and Arab, a genetic test he had done showed his markers to be 80% Jewish...

Anyway I asked Sammie if Palestinian and Israeli Christians identify more with their faith or their nationality? He said they identify themselves more as Palestinian or Israeli than Christian.

That stuck out to me. Its the same issue I have with a lot of American believers. We tend to identify ourselves politically more than we identify with our faith. I mean, a lot of Christians think that its Christian to be Republican when Jesus didn't even affliate himself politically during a very political time while he was on earth. He was asked political questions,people tried to nail him down. But instead of addressing the issues or taking sides, he answered with questions that pointed to deeper realities. He showed that he didn't come to fix the systems in place, but to usher in a COMPLETELY NEW mindset...a Kingdom mindset.

At my church in Ohio, Pastor Ricks (an african american man in a very small, rural, mostly white town) said something one Sunday that has stuck with me. He said he doesn't think of himself as African American. That he doesn't identify himself primarly by his race or gender or political standings or even by a denomination. He said simply "I am a Christian who happens to be African American, who happens to be American, who happens to be male...whatever label society gives me, I only have one identity for myself and that is Child of God."

I have been thinking about that since we left dinner. I should be sleeping while Cohen is (in case it doesn't last! *grin*) but I am up thinking...wondering...

I have been here only a day and a half now, so I should only have one sentence to write about the situation, according to Sammie's saying. And with the words of Paul running through my mind "there is neither, slave nor free, male nor female, Jew nor Gentile", I think the sentence I would pen would be question something like this...

How different could this war be if belivers in both countries really heard and obeyed the command 'love your neighbor as yourself' or 'bless those who persecute you'? What would happen if Christian Israelis took literally when Jesus said "if someone asks for your coat, give him your tunic also"? if the Palestinian believers focused on 'love covers a multitude of sins' (even land-stealing)? I wonder what it would change if the main identity of believers in this region was 'Child of God' rather than 'oppressed Israeli' or 'victim Palestinian'? I wonder what it would look like for the Kingdom mindset to be spread on both sides through believers who refuse to become more politically minded than things-above-focused?

Okay that's more than a sentence..*grin* And its just a thought. It certainly doesn't mean I think people don't ahve the right to protest or resist or fight for what is theirs...and really, Sammie is encouraging thoughtful non-violence and a coming together..peaceful coexistance...

Anyway its what is on my mind as I prepare for bed half way around the world in a place full of boxy stone houses and olive trees, and the best most amazing hummus you've ever tasted. (cohen was a big fan..so that's now 3 foods he likes- bananas, avocados, and now hummus...good palate so far!)

Good night friends. More from Bethlehem in the days to come!

KAte

on our way to tel aviv- just a little late

2007-12-15T15:59:00.000-08:00

if i were to put my life in order by arranging the days from most stressful to least, i bet the last four days of my life would appear in week one. wednesday at the regional passport office in chicago, thursday driving down to west virginia and then getting stuck for hours in the cold with cohen and a pregnant miss piper (one of my dogs), friday leaving for the airport at 2:30AM to take two pups to catch a flight to washington, then getting the call that the airline peeps never fed or watered them for 12hrs (boiling blood) to the point that one pup had seizures from dehydration, then packing, cleaning, doing laundry for our trip today...oh and did i mention that a huge winter storm hit ohio as we were leaving and our normally 50 minute drive to the airport was 2.5 hours PLUS at one point we slid (shawn was driving 20 mph) and flipped around FACING traffic? thank God no one was close to us and we missed the guard rail by inches! shawn got it turned around while mom and i were hyperventilating and cohen was peacefully snoozing. we got to airport one our before our international flight (a big no no) but its okay since our flight is now like 4 hours delayed or something. but hey! good news! our plane finally left atlanta and is in the air! so who knows maybe we will make that tel aviv flight after all...the one that's over sold 30 seats where they have shawn, i, and cohen all sitting separately...yeah...

ANYWAY.

whew!

i am glad to be past at least the last three days. and i made it. i didn't even have a panic attack. almost, but didn't.

and even if its not tonight, EVENTUALLY we are going to leave here and arrive in tel aviv. and i, for one, can't wait. it doesn't seem real yet with everything else going on, but i have a feeling its going to get real very soon.

i am learning more about ETHNOGRAPHIC MEDIA (the film company doing the documentary) and they sound so rad. i feel very honored to be allowed to come along and see what its all about...check them out!

ok...so anyway i know this post sounds down, but don't worry- i haven't lost my sense of humor about this week... in fact, if i had more emotional energy i would finish typing a post entitled "i am losing my....keys!?!" you see that whole getting stuck in west virginia thing? well, it was 100% my fault. because i lost my keys. while i was in the car. and i couldn't find them. in fact, a locksmith had to come and make me a new key. the worst part? it was the second day in a row that i lost the keys BEFORE i even got out of the car. the second day. in a row, people.

its a story.

but one you;ll have to wait to laugh and cringe at until i get back in the US because shawn needs the computer and cohen needs his milk (and unfortunately he doesn't get it from a bottle yet - although he's toying with the idea of the sippy cup, praise Jesus!)

so i left you with some of my long-windedness to read in case you get bored and want to over the next week. i'll post some middle east pics for you when i get back too.

oh, and if you are interested in joining Engage the Journey, email me and let me know, ok? i will get to the emails shortly after i return...and tell you friends about it, ok? the more the merrier!

Kate

can Jesus be in my heart at mommy m's?

2007-12-15T04:37:00.001-08:00

I wish I could explain more than I am going to be able to in this post...

Because its an on-going situation, I have to be careful what I say. But if you've read this blog at all before, you've heard about Joe and Josh and probably read some side-splitting stories about their antics. If you haven't, my parents have been raising these two boys (4 and 6) for two years now without any permanent sort of custody. Its been hard for my parents to know what to do, because if they went for custody and lost, that'd be it. Its a scary prospect.

However the boy's bio "mom" pulled a stunt a few weeks ago that has forced my parents' hand. I can't say what happened (yet) but lets just say my parents have no choice but to do exactly what they are doing in order to protect the boys. They just filed for full custody.

Please pray:
1. for favor in the case being moved to the county in which my parents live
2. for the judge to order a protection ruling keeping the boys from their mom until the case is decided
3. for the judge to act in the best interest of joe and josh
4. for as peace a resolution with their mom as possible
5. GOD:S WILL.

Thanks.

I want to leave you with a lil' something.

Josh asked Jesus into his heart last weekend. Mom said he was talking about how bio "mommy" M always says he's a bad boy. Mom and he got talking about being bad and how Jesus loves us. He wanted to ask Jesus to "always be with him". So mom prayed "Jesus I love you" expecting him to repeat (just like an adult!) and he exclaimed "ME TOO!"...and he did that all through the prayer. How sweet is that?!?!

Then the next day he asked my mom "Mommy, can Jesus still be in my heart at mommy M's house?"

Yeah...I know. I am tearing up just writing that.
Think on that while you are praying for these guys.

6 yr old JOe

4 yr old Josh

UPDATE: caleb

2007-12-15T04:35:00.001-08:00

Caleb does have malaria and is being treated over the next two weeks. Please pray that the medication doesn't make him anxious and that it will work. The side effects of the medication include psychosis so we are praying he won't have that response.

Thank you!

mommy's new favorite pic!

2007-12-15T04:34:00.000-08:00

had to share this one!

ENGAGE THE JOURNEY 2008

2007-12-14T13:36:00.000-08:00

lots of new posts & a prayer request

2007-12-14T03:57:00.000-08:00

uploaded several new posts for y;all.

hey my little cousin caleb is in the hospital and they think he has malaria. please pray for him. he went to new guinea this summer as a Bible translator. he's a rad guy and could really use some prayers. thanks

strange comfort

2007-12-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

i have been doing a lot of driving these past two weeks and while most of the time it has been less than inspiring, on the way to michigan last sunday night, God got my attention...

do you ever think 'man, what if i had never____?' or 'wonder what would've happened if i had_____...?' and then just let your mind trail down the path of 'could've beens' both good and bad until you can imagine how that one single event could've changed the whole course of your life?

i do this from time to time. i used to more before cohen was born. now every time i unravel and re-imagine my life and cohen gets cut out, i am done. i can't imagine no cohen. but sometimes i do think about what would've been if i had traveled more or less, if i had taken a year to go around the world, and even simple things like how would our lives have changed if we had never gotten a puppy. the end of my wandering is sort of inconsequential at best and sometimes i think i'd be better off to discipline my mind to stay focused on what IS...you know what i mean?

oh the many plights of being a woman! *grin*

anyway, back to the other night. cohen finally stopped crying and i turned down the sirius singer/songwriter station (#30 coffeehouse) and just enjoyed the silence. i wasn't really thinking about anything...just dutifully watching the mile markers pass. when out of nowhere a memory came to mind. its funny that i call it a 'memory' because i think it might've been only the second time i ever remembered the moment.

cohen was about a month old and all three of us were flying into nashville while shawn was finishing vocals on his record. cohen and i were only staying 2 days (for our anniversary and cohen's would've been due date) and then we were going to ohio. there was some issue with the rental car so i sat down and held cohen on a bench and shawn left the luggage all piled around us while he went to take care of the situation. it took quite a while and people kept stopping and looking at how tiny cohen was and remarking about his size. everyone pretty much said the same things to us at that point...either how scary it must've been to have such a tiny babe or that someone they knew had a preemie or questioned if i had an easy labor. it was all very rote.

then a large (tall and soft) african american man and his wife came through the double doors from outside into the transit area of the airport. they both smiled, but his smile was magnetic. his eyes lit up. 'jolly' is the word that comes to mind. they stopped and had some of the normal-preemie-baby conversation with me. then a few minutes later, the man came back. he said "you know you said he came early, but no one comes early. everyone comes just when God intended for them to be born". i was sort of taken back and just smiled in response. at the time i remember thinking that i was surprised how comforting his words were when i didn't feel like i was in the need of it.

i didn't think about that exchange again until last sunday.

then i started to do the what ifs...only this time, i wondered what would've come about in our lives if cohen had been being born that week rather than us taking him on his very first trip via plane... as i traveled down that train of thought, i realized a lot of painful things in my life would have been eliminated if our little monkey would've arrived 'on time'. that whole week would've looked different. we would've been home in seattle together celebrating our first days with a healthy, bigger baby. shawn would've been finished with the record already and wouldn't have had to cut out of the shane and shane tour early. if cohen would've shown up as expected, so many things would be different for us now. its almost like his birth set into motion a series of painful deaths in our life. (i am not talking physical here)

as i thought about that, i was surprised at my response... i was not a) mad at God for appointing cohen to come early and allowing all of these trials in our life and b) i really wouldn't have changed it if i had a magic God-sized wand that would allow me change the course of history.

i kind of sat with that for a while as i drove 96 west. it felt good to be at some level of peace with the scenery in my life in this season. i felt a little release somewhere deep inside me as i glanced in the rearview mirror at my sleeping little boy... the timing of his arrival has caused an unraveling of our lives and yet i feel the new life growing alongside him everyday. somehow when he smiles, i know in a deep, often uncertain place in me that God knows what He is doing and is working all things together for good. its not all good, but its all being worked for good.

thank you Jesus

regional passport offices and people with OCD tendencies don't mix

2007-12-14T02:56:00.000-08:00

we are last minute.

always.

its like one thing you can count on with us.

so the same-day passport thing was put into play for procrastinating peeps just like us. i should be thankful for those regional passport places, but i am telling you, we just don't mix (and yes, i am the one with the OCD tendencies)

so we thought we were going to chicago on tuesday to get cohen's passport, but there were no appointments. (go figure, you can't get those with one day's notice) so on tuesday we hung around in lowell and went to the local social security office to get cohen's number.

i know. he's 7 months old. did i mention we are last minute?

his card never came and i was worried we'd need it for his passport. now i didn't need mine back in 2000 when i got mine, but things have changed since then. and the website says "you must have social security number. applicants without one will be changed an additional $500". am i kidding? i wish.

i was convinced getting this number would be a lengthy process. so i made shawn drive fast and was biting my nails because good grief! it was 1! and the office closes at 4! drive faster! of course, then we got there with all of our documents in hand..passports, drivers licenses, marriage certificate (just in case), birth certificates, hospital records. i was a nervous wreck. i checked about a hundred times to make sure what had everything and even though the man only needed to see cohen's birth certificate and our drivers licenses, i kept asking 'do you need to see this? or this?' he didn't.

and we walked out the door with cohen's social security number in hand. we got into the car. it was 1:20

still, i was stressed. did i put all of the above listed documents back in my zipped folder? if i checked once, i checked 20 times. i wrote his number on everything. then i worked on memorizing it just in case. i am pretty sure if you are even close to grand rapids you could find cohen's ss# on some scrap of paper nearby.

oh...i am serious. and it wasn't even regional passport office day yet, people.

so on wednesday, i woke up at 4am because i was determined that we needed to BE ON THE ROAD by 5. you know, just in case. i mean, traffic is bad in chicago. a 2.5hr trip could easily become 5, right? i mean, we under no circumstances could we miss the appointment! i was a nervous wreck, people. we left at 5:10 and i was ready to hyperventilate. we made a whole 3 miles before shawn had to give me a talkin' to. he pulled in mcdonalds and tried to talk to me about chilling out. all i could see what that digital clock ticking away. finally he ordered some coffees with a shake of his head, and mapped out our trip thanks to their free wifi.

i drove. and i drove fast. you can do that in michigan. (add that my plus column)

i talked manically to shawn, who probably wanted nothing more than to sleep, but he humored me anyway. we arrived in chicago at 8:00...2.5 hours practically on the nose. shawn smirked at me. i think we both wanted to kill me as we drove downtown. i am no city driver. the conversation we had a million times went just like this:

me: 'i wish you were driving. why didn't we trade off before the city?!?! i wish you were driving. why aren't you driving?!?!'
shawn: 'you are doing great' (i think he was trying to convince himself he was going to make it alive, but i was thankful for the affirmation anyway)

we made. i parked the car in a good spot in the VERY expensive parking garage. i crawled in the back seat with cohen and nursed him. shawn dressed him while i changed out of my sweats (yes in the car- no one was looking) i compiled all of cohen's needs for the day in one bag and then added my zipped folder of highly important info and a few other things. painstakingly we got cohen into his hat, coat, and slippers (we can't keep shoes on him..the slippers are tight above his ankle). shawn got his camera ready and packed his lenses and then carefully arranged the inexpensive items to cover over his guitar in the backseat. we checked and then i re-checked a few hundred more times. it was a production, people. then, we got out and just when shawn reminded me to lock the car i realized i couldn't find the keys.

it was already almost 9:00. our appointment was scheduled for 10:30 with the warning that if you didn't get there 15 minutes early your appointment would be given away.

oh did i mention we still needed passport photos? cause we did.
oh and did i mention we didn't know where the federal building was yet? cause we didn't.

we looked for a half an hour until shawn found them wedged in some strange place under his seat. i don't know how i did that, but i know i did. i remember taking them out of the original baby bag and then- nothing. i must've dropped them. anyway, by the time he found them we were sweating, praying, swearing (just being real). we chuckled a little to relieve the tension. then we took off running to the first CVS we saw.

of course, it took three people to finally take cohen's pic (and mine- name change requires new passport) and then to print them. we were watching the clock. the tension was back.

when they finally handed us the photos, we bolted.

the one thing that worked out all day was that we managed unknowingly to park 2 blocks from the federal building. thank you, Jesus!

we raced in and discovered the metal detector. of course,...federal building. we undressed our winter gear, put cameras and computers and purses and baby bags through the scanner and hurried upstairs. the guard asked us if we had an appt. and what time. we said "10:30" knowing we were getting close..so imagine our shock when he said "you're too early", but then begrudgingly let us get in line.

two important things here:
1. there is a LINE. that whole appt thing? little more than a ruse. people with appt and people without all just get in the same LINE. oh and that confirmation number i memorized? never asked for it. all i could think is 'we could've come tuesday after all! i re-arranged our schedule for nothing"
2. we were early...somehow.... 'oh wait! chicago is on central time isn't it babe?' oooohhh...yeah it is, babe.

so we waited in line with a wanting to nurse cohen. but the line was too line so instead i bounced.

for an hour and a half.

then they let us in to the 'real line' and told us to fill out the proper forms. cohen needed a new passport form. i needed a name change (yes..still hadn't changed it from 'adelsberger' to 'mcdonald'..told you i was last minute!) and shawn needed more pages added (lucky son of a gun!)

shawn filled out his and i filled out cohen and i's as fast as i could. why they wait to give you these forms only in the last ten minutes of the line is beyond me. where was cohen? oh, on the floor. just sitting on a blanket on that filthy floor. he occasionally would lean over and lick something and we'd use a foot to scoot him back. our hands were just too busy writing and praying to get out of there quickly. when the line moved ahead, we kind of pushed him along with our feet. people were staring at us and i realized 'oh we are those parents'. i remember when i was pregnant watching a woman pull her kid through security at an airport while he screaming and crying. i was critiquing her in my mind and now i am pushing my kid on a filthy floor. oh, and he was growling. its a new trick that came just in time. naturally.

it was our turn. i handed the guy a million important documents and started explaining. 'do you have proof of travel?' we did. on the computer. he said we had to print it. i said i called and was told they only need to see it not have a copy. "sorry, someone told you wrong'

so shawn had to leave and go in search of a place to print. i went to the bathroom and nursed cohen. on the floor. an indian woman came in and nursed in solidarity with us. we talked about diaper rash and nursing in public. it was riveting.

shawn found a UPS that allowed him to print, went back through security, and came with all three confirmation of flights. we got back in line.

an hour later, cohen was in full blown i-need-a-nap-meltdown. he was arching his back, crying, screeching, growling, flailing his arms, and occasionally breaking down into a real tear inducing sob. just before they called our number (1265- not that i drove myself crazy memorizing and straining to hear it or anything) cohen fell dead asleep. this new guy? oh, he didn't ask for flight confirmations or even social security numbers.

perfect.

we left for a few hours while they processed our forms. we went to panera because it looks warm even when its freezing cold in chicago. we had intentions of shopping a little on michigan ave (let's hear for H&M!) but we thought cohen should nap first. who knew getting him to fall asleep again would take roughly 2.5 hours? shawn had to have walked him for a solid hour in panera. he was growling again. and loudly. at first people smiled at the little cutey. but the smiles had pretty much stopped within the first 5 minutes.

oh, well, except for shawn and i. we couldn't quit laughing. you should hear him growl...really. its hysterical. especially when people are all watching you try to calm your kid and he is winding up more and more in almost the exact degree you are working at calming him.

i need to find that lady from the airport and apologize.

it was a laugh or cry day. thanks to cohen we laughed.

can one of you please remind me to never ever wait till the last minute to get a passport again? thanks.

oh, and while you are at it, how bout helping remember not to be so last minute ok?

tall order, huh?

well i need to get going. i am sitting at mcdonalds sucking down coffee, trying hard to get geared up for my hour home from the airport. i have now been awake since 3am thursday morning. not good. i'll tell you why later. its another heck-of-a-day kind of story.

i am loading you guys up with blogs to read while i am away. i know, i know..i'm so nice.

oh, expressive cohen was in chi-town, y'all!

2007-12-14T02:25:00.000-08:00

i think he was as worried about the day as mommy

oh my!

cohen at panera before the fighting-sleep episode:

huh?

the half smile

the real one

work that double chin, boy!

cohen, daddy's newest model.. shawn actually said to me, "this is great, because he'll understand just how to pose when he gets older" oh, all of my dreams are realized now, people.

this is blowing bubbles right before a big growl

you want me to what, dad?

silly, da da!

there's the expression dad was looking for! see what the sign says behind him? "be careful of ice" cute. like i said, my dreams are coming true right before my eyes!

the brood of beautiful girls

2007-12-14T02:12:00.000-08:00

i have told you about these beautiful girls that God gave to our friends pastor jason and heidi...now i am happy to show you! taylor (tay) is on the far left. she's four and shawn's little buddy. kami is in the middle. she's such a little adult at 8! and aly is on the right...i am pretty sure no one else has ever made me think more of beth!

Impenetrable

2007-12-11T08:58:00.000-08:00

Impenetrable.

A good description for a wall...or maybe a fortress. Not such a great description for a person.

I mean who wants to be thought of as:

1. not penetrable; that cannot be penetrated, pierced, entered, etc.
2. inaccessible to ideas, influences, etc.
3. incapable of being understood; inscrutable; unfathomable: an impenetrable mystery
4. Impervious to sentiment or argument: an impenetrable heart.

Not the way you always dreamed being thought of, huh?

Yeah, me either.

Pastor Jason, Shawn, and I were sitting at their counter height dining table (love it!) talking about life and our marriage...well, Shawn and I's anyway... I suppose you could rightly call it marriage counseling, but there are no couches involved...nothing formal...just friends learning from their pastor...

Jason was asking each of us questions and for the most part, they were ones I expected. But when he said, "Kate, what is this thing in you...this impenetrable quality....?" As he went on, the only word bouncing around in my head was- you guessed it - impenetrable.

I fumbled with my answer, taken completely off guard...(something I pride myself in NOT happening often)...I went here and there, remembering random events in High School, siting my parents' personalities...even going as far as to blame birth order.

I knew I wasn't getting anywhere from the look on both of their faces. At the time, Jason said "hmmm" and went on.

But later...when I was alone..just driving back to Ohio, I had to give myself a good grilling.

I mean...impenetrable?!??! Me!?!? Kate McDonald...impenetrable?

I realized either these two who know me so well are WAY off or I am not seeing myself quite clearly these days. I tried hard to convince myself it was the former, but after some arguing, even I couldn't make that case.

I asked myself..."okay, self..what is this internal fortress? Has it always been there? If so, why? And if not, when did it get erected and under what pressure?"

I can remember crying more easily, laughing more freely, opening up without regard for what might happen... But when I tried to think of an instance since college, I could only come with a handful of truly vulnerable moments and most of the time, I was stretching it to make them fit the description.

Ouch. I know you are probably thinking "wait a second, Kate! You are vulnerable on this blog all the time...okay more often in the past, but still..." And I thank you for your kind and generous thoughts toward me, but the darn, plain truth is that I there is a big heart difference between being transparent and being vulnerable. The two can go together, but they don't always. I am good at being transparent and strain and fight against being vulnerable as hard as Cohen fights his nap time. we are in Panera and Shawn has been walking and bouncing him for over 40 minutes...eyes still open and he's still babbling "da da da..na na na!" at the top of his little voice! The apple doesn't fall from the tree, folks.

So now its time to start unraveling that mess.

Pray for me. I need it.

Christmas in Bethlehem- well, almost

2007-12-10T08:31:00.000-08:00

Ok...well I am back in Michigan..so I guess I never got to write my "ohio" post after all! Its been a really crazy week. I know I am always saying that, but I mean it, friends. Life is really hectic now. I am sure that's not going to change for a long time- like ever.

Anyway, part of the reason its been so full is because we are leaving Saturday for BETHLEHEM. I am serious. We found out a few weeks ago that the offer to be a part of a documentary there was actually going to materialize and since then, we've been nuts rounding up paperwork, arranging schedules, delivering puppies, and getting Cohen a passport. Yes, he has to get one. How funny is that? Seven months old and already getting traveling documents. I guess he did go around the world when he was in utero...but this will be the first trip that he's been on where we know his gender and name. So yeah, let's just call this his first trip. His first Christmas- in Bethlehem- well almost. We leave for Oregon on the 23rd. So we'll just miss it by a few days. Anyway, we are SUPER HONORED to be a part of this documentary and I will post more info as to when its coming out and all that jazz. And I promise to post lots of pics when we return. Shawn's an amazing photographer so I am sure they'll be great...we are spending the first 2 days in Jerusalem. I cannot believe I just typed that.

Someone pinch me. Please.

You know something? I am going to be real honest with y'all. When we didn't know if we were going to be invited to go or someone else...the "someone else" turned out to be the Shanes and my sister. Now I found that out because Mom came home and said "guess who else is going to Bethlehem with you? Beth!" and she told me how the Shanes were going and everything and instantly my heart sunk. Because I knew it wasn't an "also" situation, but more of an "either or" kind if thing. I didn't know that Mom had misheard and that it was only a possibility that they were going. So I reacted in the most Mature, Christian way....I wish. No, I started to cry. I felt jealous. I felt stupid. I had already told people it was 90% that we were going. Now, it wasn't going to be me...it was going to Beth. I talked to her and she was iffy about going...(shane's first Christmas without his dad and Beth wasn't sure they should be without his mom, but who could turn down Christmas in Bethlehem?) I wanted to be happy for her, but to say I was disappointed would be a HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT. I cried all day on and off until I finally pulled it together. I felt pangs of hurt even when I realized it wasn't a sure thing...I felt bad for myself...the last few months have been the most painful of my life and this trip felt like the perfect present in the middle of the murkiness. I felt a little angry as I told Mom "I know they'll choose the Shanes and they aren't even sure they want to go". It was pathetic. I was being really childish and poor-me-ish. I wish I could blame it on hormones, but it was just ole Kate...in the FLESH (I mean that in a spiritual sense) By that night, I really was ok and happy for them to go and I wrote the film place and felt good and honest about writing "you will be happy with whomever you choose..the Shanes and Shawn are both awesome and wonderful people."..because I meant it. I love them all and knew I could be genuinely happy for them if the situation called for it. But that night, as I laid down to bed and prayed...I said "God, I am not testing you. But to be real, I so need to feel like you love me. I feel like so many thing have gone awry in my life and this trip is just a trip, but I really wanted it. I wanted to SEE Jerusalem and Bethlehem. I wanted to come alongside this documentary. Whatever happens, I will be ok. Just had to be honest with you." And I went to sleep really at peace. And really wanting to feel like God would pull some strings for me...Admit it, you've felt that way. Like you wanted God to act like a doting Daddy.

So when they called, I was surprised, honestly. And I did feel a little redness in my cheeks...a little flushing...a little hoping that God was saying "you are a piece of work, missy! But I love you anyway"

okay..so this got way off of target... thanks for being my online confessional here *grin*

Hey, I have BIG NEWS. I will be posting a button soon to go to the ENGAGE THE JOURNEY 2008 site!!!! I will post more details of what that is, for those of you who didn't hear about or participate in Engage the Journey 2006. Anyway, its basically a read through the Bible in a year study online... the readings are CHRONOLOGICAL...and the best part? Being part of a community...reading what others are learning...talking about controversial topics...sharing your own journey and learning tons along the way! Last time, people of all ages, from all over the globe participated...SO if you are interested, spread the word! I will post the button and also the html so you can add the button to your site, myspace, or blog to invite others!

Toodles, friends! More later! (like tomorrow!)

Kate

stranded in MI

2007-12-05T10:58:00.000-08:00

sorry i haven't been updating on here, friends. i have been up in MI visiting with the hubby and our dear friends the holdridges. i spent one whole day just getting here. just in case you are wondering, a 4 hour drive with a 7 month old baby is really more like 6.5.

its something to think about when you have a small child and you are planning a trip. not only do you have to plan around traffic in the cities you are passing through, but you also have to plan around nap time. and even then, a 4 hour nap is somewhat unrealistic to hope for...even for an idealist like myself. so basically, all of the planets have to align and your bladder has to hold out in order to travel in the same manner as you did before the child.

BUT i won't complain because we did make it. and i didn't completely lose my sanity. (and yes, i do want a pat on the back for surviving 2 straight hours of blood-curdling screaming, ok?)

its been a good trip...the little town here is really quaint and friendly, just like shawn described and i was glad to get driven around and introduced to the area. i was also glad for some good conversations with our friends and their beautiful brood of girls.

i was going to leave this morning for ohio and i got about a half hour away when my mom called me frantically and told me about the storm. i pulled off on rest stop, nursed cohen and talked to the state highway patrol. and we went back. shawn was supposed to go to Oklahoma today but his flight got cancelled. so it worked out.

we're chilling in the local coffee shop. good times. the music stinks here..."ghost busters" was just playing a second ago. seriously. in a coffee shop. so i would write more but it "Busted" the writing vibe..so look for a better, more interested post once i make it home, ok? i need to respond to many of you...thanks for your comments. and thanks for the Christmas ideas! i am already implementing several of them!

until then, friends...
kate

you asked for it...

2007-12-05T10:50:00.000-08:00

ok, maybe not YOU, but someone asked for some new cohen pics...here you go!

checking out my rad shoes for uncle aaron's wedding

good choice, mama!

enjoying uncle jojo's soccer game

front porches are made for fall!

daddy's new light toy is super interesting!

not so sure about this, mama

wait! nanas (bananas) are yummy!

he's a chin man

2007-11-26T11:14:00.000-08:00

so we made our first trip to the ER last night...cohen has a severe upper respiratory infection. we had been up two nights ALL night (that's not an exaggeration) with him, but last night (thanks to some prescription strength cough medicine) we finally got some sleep.

and it was sweet, friends. i didn't see the clock even once between ten and nine. there was a little 'praise the Lord' in my spirit as i woke *grin* and more importantly, cohen is better rested and back to smiling.

in the last week i learned something about my son that i am pretty sure sets him apart from most 7 month old boys: he's a chin man. if you pick him up and face him in towards you, he immediately grabs your ears or hair or handfuls of neck or whatever else he can get a hold of, and pulls you really close, and just GOES TO TOWN on your chin. the first time he did it, i thought perhaps the sickness was making him delirious enough to think the chin was also a milk producing organ, but then it became a habit..a quick. he attacked beth's chin, mom's chin, and then he started on the men...but learned quickly that his dad, uncles and grandpa all have scratchy hair there. he tried the noses next with them, but found they don't taste too good and decided to keep his chin sucking exclusively for females.

so if you are woman and you meet cohen, watch out. he grabs hard and chews furiously. consider yourself warned.

i am going to write later and the new site is going to be up SOON! but i did want to take a moment to write an open apology to a few of my favorite readers...

i posted a blog in october that it has come to my attention was offensive to some people i know and love. i wrote the post about my feelings concerning gift giving at Christmas time. i really wrote with the sole intention of encouraginig people to set aside part of their Christmas budget for needy persons. i highlighted world vision and shared that we were giving a certain gift because i have seen with my own two eyes the good world vision does in the poorest areas in the world. i probably shouldn't have listed what we are giving..the reason i did it specifically was because i wanted to make sure i wasn't asking people to do something i myself wasn't willing to do..and because i didn't want anyone to think i was promoting world vision because of shawn's ties. in hindsight, it wasn't the best way to go about it. i want to specifically apologize to those in my life who have given gifts to me or received gifts from me. i did not at all mean to imply that i wasn't thankful for or didn't enjoy the things you had given to me with thoughtfulness and love. my feelings about Christmas and the consumerism that surrounds it, are independent of you. please know that i am sick my words hurt you and that it was NOT my intention in any way to offend you. while i was writing the blog, my thoughts were primarily about general consumerism and specifically about shawn and i and the money we spent and why. i love you all dealy and am regret that i didn't write with the sensitivity i should have. i hope you can forgive me and charge this bad judgement to my head and not to my heart.

thanks and giving (a prelude to Christmas)

2007-11-23T06:35:00.000-08:00

well i guess today is 'national CONSUMERISM day' or something here in america. (i can poke fun since i have no attachment to the day after thanksgiving shopping- my fam just never did that) anyway, i am here at mom's and just saw the panic in some store owner's face as he was being interviewed on the news..it seems maybe people aren't buying enough! oh no! people! WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!??! GO OUT AND BUY SOMETHING! CHARGE UP THOSE CREDIT CARDS! YOU NEED MORE! MORE!! MORE!!

ah..just a little bit of holiday sarcasm for you all this morning.

it makes me sad that this season of thanks and giving is now the spending spike that our economy depends on. it really does.

BUT i am not going to dwell on that...i just want to encourage all of you to visit www.worldvision.org and consider redirecting some of your Christmas budget to people who have needs beyond keeping up with the newest igadget.

(stepping down from my soapbox) we had a wonderful thanksgiving and i hope you did too. my mom's family holiday is thanksgiving..about half of her 7 siblings and children and childrens children come together for the day. its wild. its crazy. its LOUD. we actually considered imposing a 'law' that says the rest of married-in family must be quiet and subdued...not only to even out the genetics but simply because i think we have reached a volume threshhold at family get togethers.

the traditional turkey bowl had a new spin as this years the football teams were divided into the 'marrieds' and the 'singles'. the marrieds won the third game, breaking the tie. and now none of them can walk this morning. pride is a powerful thing, y'all. i think its a good thing there is no re-match this morning...shane limped out of the house to take his mom to the airport and shawn is moaning with every move. shane was the mvp of the game yesterday and shawn was last year...beth and i are so proud. the male cousins are happy with our hubby choices since we have upped the game's athleticism. and hey! they are both quiet and subdued too! we will just have to take a moment and pat ourselves on the back *grin*

you know, even with shawn's 'quiet' genes, cohen is the loudest of the kids. and that's saying something, friends. we had prayer at the end of the night and cohen started talking and cooing just as loud as ever so i walked down the hallway, wanting to still hear the prayers of my family...he was louder...so i went into the back bedroom and closed the door..my 17 year old brother came in and apologetically said "um, he's really loud...we can still hear him out there...?" i think i would've had to take him to the next county to not be heard. so he's got some serious holzbauer in him (yes my mom's name would've been holzbauer-adelsberger if she had been feminist enough to hyphenate it..thank God she wasn't! i wouldn't have been able to spell my name before middle school!) besides being loud, cohen was also the chubbiest baby and earned the nickname "the pillow" due to his...um...softness. *grin*

last night the cousins and my siblings and their significant others came over to watch a movie shane picked out. we popped popcorn the old fashioned way and visited...and then cohen woke up. screaming. so i think the movie was called 'shooter' or something but i really couldn't tell you because i spent the first hour and a half trying to cleaning out his nose with that little round sucker thing (he loved that, as you can imagine), trying to get him to nurse, and ultimately trying to get him to wind down into sleep....i say "trying" because stating any sort of success in those three categories would be a stretch for even me. i caught the last few minutes of the movie and basically what i got from it was the mark walberg's character could single-handedly take out a small army of people and a helicopter. great flick *grin*

anyway, it was really okay with me because i was tired. i am old, people. after a long day of eating non-stop and listening to a whole room full of Germans trying to talk over each other and out do the last story, i was ready to snuggle down in bed and fall asleep (even if it was to the sounds of whiny baby)

we woke up to a light dusting of snow this morning and i remembered how pretty that can be... it looks like someone sprinkled sugar on the fir trees...i love the way the sun glints off of snow..its kind of magical. i didn't even mind warming the car up. the cold air felt good in my lungs.

i felt thankful for it. and this morning, as i type, surrounded by my sweet family, i realize just how many things i have to be thankful for....a healthy, (mostly) happy baby. wonderful siblings (natural, adopted, and married-in). a legacy of togetherness and love...

and now that thanksgiving has passed, but i am determined to keep a spirit of thanks and giving as we move into the Christmas season. i want to develop traditions for my little family that make this time special... my mom was anti-consumerism (which is on my list of things i am thankful for) but to the point she really couldn't enjoy Christmas because it bothered her so much. do you have any thoughts about how to make this time special without focusing on gifts and spending? what does your family do? do you have any unique traditions? ...

..ones you wouldn't mind someone like, say, me, emulating...?

(can't wait to read your responses!)

continuing community...and 6 month old freak outs

2007-11-20T09:04:00.000-08:00

Well friends...its official...I am a wanderer...back and forth between our new place and my mom's house. You know, the thing about moving is that I always forget a bunch of little things just when I think I've finally got everything... Last night about 10pm, I realized the "little" things I had forgotten included (but are not limited to) sheets for my bed, my toothbrush!, toilet paper, cohen's body wash, cohen's spoons, and the rest of cohen's inserts for his cloth diapers.

You know, just a few little things.

Good grief.

Beth had kept Cohen for a few hours so I could actually get something done around the house and when she brought him back, he had been having a major melt down. He had cried his 'sad cry' on the way to the house and worn himself out on the road over. He woke up in an even more worked up state. I nursed him and tried to calm him, but at 10:30 I was still rocking a screaming child in the most un-put-together living room you could imagine. I wanted to pull my hair out, people! I would look at him and see how upset he was and feel horrible for him, but then a few seconds later feel so frustrated I didn't know what to do. Finally, thank Jesus, he slipped (flighting the whole way) into a deep, snoring sleep. I told myself to get up and keep unpacking, but I was too tired. Well, first I told myself to get up and get some of things we needed and had left at Mom's, but I took one look at my sleeping son and knew that was out of the question. So instead of doing anything productive, I popped in season 5 of Sienfeld, curled up on the couch with Cohen and a couple of baby blankets, and fell asleep.

It was a fitful night. I swear Cohen knew we were in a new place. His little blue eyes would flutter and he would lift his head up and look around and then lay it back down. I think I would've slept for hours and hours if I didn't have an almost 20lb 6 month old sleeping on top of me..but I guess we will never know, will we? (ahh...the life of a mother)

Cohen is still in a mood today...I think he's not a good transitioner (he would get that honestly) He loves his aunt Beth and she was with us at Mom's a little this morning. He kept looking over at her (and her sweet friend Kari) on the other couch and then looking back at me, and then his little face would scrunch up and he'd start bawling and screaming. We came to the conclusion that he was afraid I was leaving him again. Poor thing. I know, he's almost 7 months old and its the first time he has spent more than an hour away from me... Anyway, the screaming people- oh the screaming! Its a good thing Daddy is coming home today...Mommy needs a break!

Maybe its teeth? And if it is, please God, let them all come in at once and let's just get this over with. I want my smiley, cuddly baby back! Advice on teething, Moms? PLEASE?

On a totally separate note, thanks for all of your comments and thoughts and stories on community. I feel like I learned a lot from your words. Thank you. I responded to all of you in yesterday's comments. As I was thinking about community more today, I remembered reading a post by a dear friend about the same topic within the last week. Pastor Jason Holdridge is a dear friend, my former youth pastor, and Shawn's mentor...His blog should be on your must-read list. I am posting both the link to his main blog and also the link to the specific post about community entitled "in love with an idea". [sorry my linky thing isn't working- you'll have to copy and paste]

Jason's Must-Read blog: www.jasonholdridge.blogspot.com
"In Love with an Idea": http://jasonholdridge.blogspot.com/2007/11/in-love-with-idea.html

Anyway, just in case you need convincing, here are few of my favorite quotes from his blog: (He had been from the first line.. "It's really easy to be in love with the idea of community only to be quite unnerved by the reality of it")
-"We talk of loving the broken, but if you're anything like me, they never fit the brokenness that I've conjured up in my head...I want them to be the exact kind of brokeness that I feel compassion for.."
-"...no, people in the Bible that Jesus helped never were leachy with co-dependency issues and insecurity complexes and obsessive compulsive disorders. Nope, they were normal people with some dirt on their face that just needed someone to give them an "Extreme Makeover" and Presto...you have a well adjusted conversion that leads to a Great Awakening...and so on and so forth about "So and So" and "Such and Such"...it's fiction at it's best...and we buy it. We sell it."
-"And who knows that Heaven isn't going to be filled with people that get under your skin and on your nerves. It's free from sin, not personality. "

Read it and let me know what you think! and be patient with my responses...the internet isn't up at the new place, yet.

Monday morning Church Thoughts

2007-11-19T04:05:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I have missed as much church ever in my life as I have since Cohen was born. Those first few months were such a fog, I actually don't remember going much, but maybe we did. When I fist came to Ohio, Cohen was still small enough that he mostly slept away his days..so, church? No problem. I just brought my "hooter hider" nursing cover (that's its actual name, people!), nursed him up, and sat with him asleep on my lap the rest of the service. But Now... well, now Cohen can arch his back, shake his head no, say 'na na na', and growl... now, mr. cohen has learned he can be loud and frankly, he prefers it!...and now, he can play with toys...he can't hang on to them, but he can play with them...which basically means we spend hours of him putting a toy to his mouth, then dropping it, then me picking it up...over and over and OVER. So church is now a very new experience. When I say we 'miss church' I don't mean we aren't there...cause we are people. We are there...and if you don't see us, its cause we are in the lobby. Cohen is arching his back, shaking his head, growling and yelling 'na na na' at the top his lungs while I try to watch the sermon on the Tv screen admist almost constant toy-retrieving.

That's how it usually goes.

But yesterday...oh yesterday was magic. We road in with Beth and got there just as worship was starting and Cohen wanted nursed, so I sat down and nursed him...and he went to sleep. I kept thinking, 'oh he'll wake up now' every time the music changed, or people clapped, or a roar of laughter erupted...but he didn't. He just pursed those little lips, fluttered his eyes, and went right on dreaming.

Its the longest nap he's had in months.

And I got to actually HEAR the sermon.

You know what, though? I was really distracted...not necessarily in a bad way...but have you ever had a moment where you became really aware of another person...? You know, where you sense a need or a hurt and as you watch, the hurt seems to grow and you can see it on their face and in the way they hold their head..? Have you had that experience before? I used to have that experience frequently, but not so much in the last years. I really think the depression did just what its name implies- it pressed down all of my feelings. I felt numb. And I am only realizing it as my feelings are coming back...and boy, are they coming back.

There was a young couple sitting directly in front of us with an adorable little red haired boy. The girl was there with the baby and her husband (?) came in a song or two into the service and took the little boy from her arms without looking at her. Now, every married person knows that interaction... you've had a disagreement and you are sitting stiffly near each other, trying at all costs not to relax your face or look at each other in the eyes. I couldn't help but watch...their little boy was leaning over the seats and waving at us. I think I went to high school with the guy- he looks really familiar- but when I looked at old yearbooks, I couldn't find him...so who knows? Maybe I am crazy. I haven't seen them at church in awhile and I couldn't believe how skinny the girl has gotten. She was already one of those I-hate-you-cause-you-are-naturally-thin looking kind of girls, but I swear she's lost 20lbs. She was wearing little kid jeans that were bagging off of her rear end. She looked so tired...and sad. At one point in the service, he seemed to relax a little and smiled during the sermon and sang with the congregation...her face was immovable, like stone. He kept glancing her way with a certain sadness in his eyes and she never looked back, although, as a woman, I am sure she felt his eyes on her.

Their sadness was like a wave that crashed over the row of seats onto us. (I say us, cause Mom and Beth noticed it too) My heart just ached for them. I have so been there. I wanted to reach up over into the next row and put my hands on their shoulders and offer some word of encouragement. I wanted to tell them whatever it is, its not worth it. I wanted to say or do something meaningful..to help...but all I could muster was "your little boy is so sweet"...the both smiled stiffly and invited no other connection. I have been there too.

And this morning, they are still on my mind. I prayed for them. I don't know their names or what their situation is or even if they are married. But what I do know is how damaging strife can be...how hard it is to work through hurt in relationships...the great contrast of joy with your child in the midst of an argument.

I really wanted to Be the Church to them yesterday, but I felt so hesistant. I know praying for them is being the church in the best of ways...I guess I just find myself yearning for a more connected, community-oriented action. Do you feel that? Do you ever want to put your arms around people and speak into something and then you pull back because poeple just don't seem to do that? Or because its awkward? Socially? I just wonder if Kingdom living requires more than just going to church anonymously and pretending we don't see people struggling, marriages struggling, families failing...I wonder if it requires us to not be anonymous ourselves in our own fleshy issues and if, by the same token, it requires us to invite others out of their pretending...?

Now, I am not suggesting that because I don't know that couple well enough to know what is going on or how to reach out to them, that they are pretending or living disconnected. And I am not suggesting that inserting ourselves (unwantedly) into peoples' issues is a way to invite them into community... I guess the situation just has me thinking...how DO we invite others into loving community? How do we create an environment of honesty and trust among those of us who are the Church here on the earth?

Please share your thoughts...assuming you are one of the ones who can read this!

some random thoughts for a saturday morning

2007-11-17T09:44:00.000-08:00

cohen is bouncing in this great little bouncy seat i got for him awhile back. at the time, he wasn't so sure about it, but now he's a jumping bean! and we almost can't keep him it! when he bounces, lights and music go off and the little toucan above his head bounces back and forth...he's pretty enamored. i have video of his frantic jumping the day he figured it out that i really need to post- it will make you laugh, guaranteed.

anyway, i am a fan of the jungle bouncer as well (even with the annoying, repeatitve jingles) because it means I CAN ACTUALLY GET SOMETHING DONE! every mom knows the gift of an educational distraction.

thank you, Lord.

we are moving stuff into the new rental house today. well, actually the mens are doing the moving...i am mostly pointing and organizing and 'managing'. i did help physically move a lot of things last night once cohen had fallen asleep so i don't feel guilty about my lack of lifting today. i am excited to get moved it, but (honestly) last night i looked around at the mounds of boxes sitting in each room and just wanted to cry. i must've looked very overwhelmed cause mom was quick to ensure everyone would help and get things settled in no time.

i felt like a little girl. because i really do want my mommy to get things settled for me. i have felt displaced and unsettled for years now and i just don't think i can take much more of it. i am just now realizing the immense stress we had living in a constantly-being-remodeled house for two years and never having things ALL put away. and even though this rental situation is going to be short lived, i want to have it ALL put away.

so i know once i get through these next few days, i will be tired, but at least we will have a place with our things and it will be painted and finished.

Praise God.

On a happier note, Beth comes back tonight or tomorrow and then Shawn, Aaron & Becky & Shane & his Mom are all coming Tuesday sometime...so the fam is going to be together for our *favorite* family holiday and I can't wait! us girls are getting together wednesday to prepare the finger foods for the day (lots of veggies, fruit, crackers, and different kinds of hummus and veggie dips) and its going to be even better because i will get to use my beloved food processor! (which until now has been packed away) Thanksgiving is a big deal here...lots of family (like 50+ peeps) and a traditional, yearly 'turkey bowl' (aka football game) complete with uniforms. Its good stuff.

i hope yours is wonderful...tell me about it! do you have any unusual traditions?

a couple of other things i wanted to say before i get cohen and head over to begin the massive amounts of unpacking i have yet to do:

1.) i am sorry some of you are having problems with my blog. i really don't know what the issue is...BUT i do know that i need to get www.katemcdonald.NET up and running soon! so i am going to shoot to have it accessible by next friday! between blogger and myspace, i have been having oodles of trouble, so i am just going to get my independent site up and *HOPE* you all will still visit me there!

2.) i know several of you did "engage the journey" in 2006...and i have since had lots of comments/emails about doing a read through the Bible session again...SO (drum roll please) i will be setting up a Read Through the Bible (chronologically) again in 2008!!! i am going to have the site up on www.katemcdonald.NET and soon will be posting a button that you can add to your blog or myspace or both to invite people to join. i know i really enjoyed hearing other people's persepectives and learned a ton and am really stoked to journey again through the Bible. i hope you will join us!

ok...well time to get unpacking. more later friends!

time for a change

2007-11-15T21:12:00.000-08:00

i changed my background and hope there are no more problems with viewing my posts.

and yes, i do know it says 'turned on' in the background. but there is a light bulb, peeps. context is key here. think when you see it 'is the light bulb in my mind turned on' ok?

PLEASE? cause i like the coloring and i don't want to have to change it.

oh yeah, i posted some new stuff. and more is coming. sorry for the delay.

much loves, kate

irreducible complexity

2007-11-10T04:05:00.000-08:00

Now that I have set up camp in the town of my origin, every time I drive from Mom and Dad's place into town, I see the little square brick home of my high school science teacher. And every time I see it, I think about parking on the street, making my way to the front door, knocking, and hopefully being able to have a good little chat.

Mr. R had both of my parents in High School and when time rolled around for me to sign up for my freshmen classes, my parents insisted that I sign up for Advanced Biology. I did not want to...not under any circumstances...even if it was better for my college applications. But that was a battle I did not stand a chance of winning, so I signed up. It turned out that not only was I in Advanced Bio first semester, but it was my very first class of the day. I remember how all of the excitement over High School and new lockers and old friends was instantly quenched as I walked into the Mr. R's room. Dirty looking flasks of all sizes were littered around the room and bunson burners were spread out somewhat evenly across the tables. His desk was a mound of papers taller than me and I remember thinking 'its the FIRST day of school, where did all of that come from?' And then he entered the room, maybe five minutes after the bell had wrung, looking dishevled as ever, coffee in hand.

Did I mention he looks like the perfect cross between Gene Wilder (think Willy Wonka) and Bob Dylan???

In the middle of all of my hating on my parents and science and the beginning of stupid High School, Mr. R rolled out a TV on a cart, popped in a movie, and pressed play without a word. That morning we watched The Dead Poet's Society. He didn't hand out a syllabus; he didn't even take attendance.

I was inspired.

Over the next four years of my life, science went from being a subject I dreaded to one I salivated over. I took (literally) ever single science class offered (Microbiology, Physics, Chemistry, Botany, River Ecosystems, Anatomy, Human Genetics, Evolutionary Theory, etc etc) I probably spent as much time with Mr. R as anyone else during those years. He was always late, always coming in with a cup of McDonald's coffee in hand. Many times the office would call down and we'd cover for him and say he was in the restroom until he finally arrived. His curly hair grew outward by the day until on fridays he really did look like a mad scientist. He warmed his coffee up on the bunson burners, gave tests whose preparation kept me up nights on end (and he gave you the questions in advance), and he loved Bob Dylan. By the time I graduated, I knew every Bob Dylan song by heart. I often saw him more than once a day for class and several nights a week I worked in the lab on my science fair project. I had tons of respect for Mr R and it would be fair to say he and I became friends.

And yes, I did just say science fair project.

I know, you thought that was just something elementary kids did to find out which detergent works out best or something lame like that. Not so.

I had the same project for four years, although it evolved and changed as I learned more. I competed in local, district, state, and national fairs and my project was responsible for my being able to pay for college (which I am thankful for, no matter how nerdy it made me!). The name of my project? "The Evolution and Transfer of Antibiotic Resistance in the Mitocondrial DNA of Isolated Soil Microbes" although, to be fair, that first year I think it was "Antibitotic Resistance in Microbes"

I went to college, thinking I was going to be a Genetic Counselor...I changed my mind about that (its a lot of counseling pregnant women about the defects in their baby...I decided that wasn't for me after all) but I have always loved science.

My affection for scientific knowledge and discovery and mystery did not exactly earn me a comfortable position with the Christians in my school as you might have well imagined. (On more than one occasion I was told I was going to hell for even considering the possibility of evolution) Things to me that did not seem mutually exclusive (like the Bible and evolutionary theory) proved to be topics others didn't want to put into the same framework. I didn't see the inconsistencies. I read my Bible, loved God, and at the same time was intrigued with the natural world that so clearly bore his fingerprint. While others accused Mr R of everything from promoting atheism (he wasn't an atheist- not that anyone asked) to being behind the "force" that apparently caused all things evil (I guess I thought we were born into sin? Perhaps God forgot to mention that sin would be born along with the theory of a bird-watcher named Darwin?) I found him to be a good friend, wise soul, and a heroic educator.

I used to argue with people alot about the original language of the Bible, the discrepencies between Genesis chapter one and chapter two, the tenants of science, what Darwin actually said (few have read his writings), and the implications of different perspectives. I don't argue anymore. I just sort of develop a tick when people start talking about Darwin and monkeys in the same sentence.

Few people understand this like aunt Deb, who is by the way,EXPONENTIALLY, ridiculously smarter than I am. I am trying to force her to start a blog because you all would love her thoughts...and we'd all learn something too...and because she should write a book, but I am afraid she won't get to it.

Anyway, Aunt Deb brought over a DVD for me called "Unlocking the Mystery of Life". I loved it.

I have been gabbing and gabbing about all of this just so I could have some context to tell you about it this B hour long educational DVD. Its true.

I was fascinated.

Maybe you don't like science or wonder about the origin of life but I still bet you would think it as fascinating as I did.

To get to the mind-blowing, there-must-have-been-a-Creator-coolness we might have to have a small little science lesson. I know its Saturday morning, but can you go there with me? I promise it will be worth it. And I promise it will be quick.

Come on..you know you want to... *grin*

Ok...contrary to a lot of what you have heard, Darwin did not say we came from apes. He talked mostly about finches, as a matter of fact. He went to the Galapogos Islands and began to journal about the variations in the animals he saw there. As a naturalist, Darwin tried to explain what he saw and in the process came up with the theory of natural selection, which basically says that genetic variations are selected for if and ONLY if they give the organism an advantage in terms of survival. Its a good thought, really. It definitely explained why the finch population had different sizes and shapes of beaks during seasons of drought and seasons of rain.

Natural selection is one of the main tenants of current evolutionary theory. And while it does go a long way to explaining the variety in nature, I don't think anyone really denies that in light of new technology that has allowed scientists to see things Darwin never could have dreamed of (think DNA) that natural selection cannot fully explain the origin of life.

Let me explain...

Darwin supposed that his theory of natural selection COULD explain how life began... that perhaps things randomly combined until something arose that was advantageous and ka-boom! its the beginning of life. Darwin stated that it was possible his explanation might be over-simplified and even gave certain perameters that would nullify natural selection as a viable explanation about the origin of life.

It turns out that Darwin was right. Natural selection is over simplified. Its a good theory. It goes a long way toward explaining variation...but it cannot explain the Origin of Life.

On the DVD the scientists (none of whom are admitted Christians and none of whom are Creation 'scientists') point out THE new discovery that has led to them to understand there must be a Designer.

What is the discovery?

Irreducible Complexity.

In every cell of your body, things are moving from place to place...the vital information your cells need to reproduce is moved into the nucleus of the cell where it can be transcribed and recombined...and the vehicle that the information is moved in is powered by an amazing little natural machine called a flagellum. The flagellum is a machine not unlike the motor of a small boat...it looks like a slender whip projecting from the cell and is responsible for mobility. It is comprised of eight parts (proteins), all that are essential to the functioning of the flagellum. If even one peice of the flagellum motor is absent or broken, the DNA cannot be moved into the cell, the cell cannot reproduce, and basically: there can be no life. If you have taken a biology class in the last ten or so years, you have seen undoubtibly seen a highly magnified photo of a flagellum.

But just in case you haven't taken biology in the last ten years or did but can't remember what I am talking about, here you go...

Here's the traditional photo:

And here's a newer illustration of what is now known about this amazing, super important, microscopic machine:

So what's so great about this eight protein propelling machine? What is so enlightening about it that these scientists would by it come to believe that the origin of life was put into motion by a Designer (don't you love that term?)? Well, its like this friends...

No life could exist without flagellum..not even one single cell...and in order for the flagellum to function, all eight parts must be present. Thus, the flagellum represents something complex which cannot be reduced. The chances that all eight proteins would assemble randomly and in the correct, very precise order? I would say slim to none, but in all actuality, the answer is that it is impossible. And the theory of natural selection would suppose that the machine would have arisen from the proteins (over time) combining randomly until something advantageous came about and was built upon, BUT because there is nothing advantageous about the flagellum until ALL eight proteins are rightly ordered into this highly efficient machine,and because the chances of that happening randomly are next door to 'not in a gazillion years', natural selection falls short.

So the questions began to intensify... If natural selection is unable to explain the origin of life, what does? And if there is this irreducible complexity, how did it come about? Can random evolution explain it or is it necessary to consider a Designer?

One of the lead scientists stated on the DVD that there are two main criteria for deciding whether or not something is intentionally designed.... One, the phenomenon must be something that does not naturally occur and Two, it most represent something that can be found elsewhere. He used a good example to give hands and feet to this idea: Mount Rushmore. While rock is often shaped over time naturally, faces do not occur in rock over time. And we can be sure that the faces of past presidents carved into rock was designed because they are recognizable in our culture elsewhere. Therefore, Someone decided to create what we see...and the creation has recognizable significance as well as a property that allows us to infer certain things about the designer.

The idea of irreducible complexity lends itself to notion of a Designer. We know, by the very nature of its irreducibility, that the flagellum machine did not randomly assemble...it had no purpose in being built unless each peice was placed together in a meaningful way on purpose.

And ta da! Now we have to deal with the possibility of a Designer. Someone who in fact did build that extemely efficient and tiny motor, with all eight proteins, for a specific purpose...

I was so happy after watching the DVD, I wanted to dance a little jig in the living room. I really did. I wanted to tell someone that seeking Truth in any vein of understanding (if you are really looking for Truth) will eventually always lead you to a very real Someone...a Creator...a Purposer...a Designer. I wanted to scream that science and God-loving belong in the same framework.... I wanted to call up a couple of old classmates and tell them that I am fairly certain I am not going to hell for my time wondering about the way life has been spun (okay...just kidding...I only entertained that thought for one milisecond)...

But I really did want to get in my car, drive to Mr R's house, and talk about irreducible complexity and the very real possibility of a Purposing God...One who would not only be interested in creating tiny, efficient little propellers, but also the mobility of thoughts and emotions in the human soul. I wanted to drink some McDonalds coffee and listen to some Dylan with him and let him know that I still think God likes him and that perhaps scientists (like him) and Christians (like me) have a lot more in common than we'd often care to admit.

And maybe I just will.

meandering all the way to limbo-land

2007-10-31T18:46:00.000-07:00

i usually have some sort of a 'working title' when i begin to blog...not so tonight...not sure where this is going to go...

feel like meandering, friends?

i just hung up the phone after chatting for a much-needed-while with sister beth...i got to fill her in on the 'happenings' and then hear what she is learning. she pointed me to a website of must-listen music (www.isamusiconline.com) and ironically enough, i had reviewed it in ccm's september issue...and then promptly forgotten about it. i was glad for the reminder to turn it on...

you know, its funny...i love music...my sister, soon-to-be-brother-in-law, and husband all sing for a living...i review indie albums..and YET i really don't listen to music much. (note to self: maybe i shouldn't say that?) its not that i don't want to most of the time...i just get doing stuff and forget to put it on. the only time i really don't like to listen to music is in the car. i like to have conversations then or to pray or to just talk out loud to myself. i know- i am weird.

ANYWAY...

while i was talking with her, jetti came upstairs and peed in the hallway..,dad was sitting in the living room and she goes to the door when she needs to go out, but he didn't realize that was "the" signal...and i no more than cleaned up her mess when i heard cohen crying in the bedroom. it took a few minutes for me to get him changed and fed and back asleep...all the while i am pressing my ear into the phone desperately trying to soak in beth's profound take on the story of david and jonathon's crippled son.... whew!

i wouldn't trade cohen for a million days each full of a million hours to do with whatever i wanted...but even so, i must admit i had a lot more time to read and pray and think profound thoughts before he came into the world. now my reading, praying and especially thinking (even i can even call it that these days) is broken into many fragments punctuated by his various, continual needs. you know, i think paul might have mentioned that a woman is even MORE divided when she becomes a mother than when she becomes a wife....*grin*

hmmmm

but its good. really. and i mean that. he's such an amazing GIFT. sometimes i just look at him and wonder how in the world we got such a beautiful, happy baby. i mean, c'mon who in the world deserves this level of cuteness? to look at? and enjoy? EVERY DAY?

he smiles almost all day and now he giggles a ton...mostly at josh, who has a knack for being over the top silly and sometimes at whoever is playing peek-a-boo well enough. he started eating fruit this week...he's crazy over bananas although his digestive system isn't so thrilled! and so far he likes licking apples, but he won't actually swallow any of them that i pureed. the other major thing he started doing is STANDING. i mean, (i promise this is true) he was able to stand holding just one of our fingers at 8 weeks. but now, he can pull himself up and stand. he was sitting on my lap and he sort of lunged at my dad's recliner, grabbed a hold, tightened all of his little core muscles and pulled himself to a standing position. he looked so proud of himself as he spread his legs apart and got a good solid stance. he was there long enough for me to get some pictures...(this was the only non-fuzzy one since he was moving around so much!)

this kid is going to walk so early, i bet he doesn't even crawl.

oh, and he was 6 months on monday. insane.

monday was a day... shawn left for michigan around noon. did i mention shawn was going to michigan? i think i meant to, but then didn't. (see i told you thinking doesn't come easy as a mom!) anyway, shawn is going to be staying in the grand rapids area for awhile with some dear friends of mine (initially- now they are ours). pastor jason (www.jasonholdridge.blogspot.com) and his amazing wife, heidi, have been friends of mine for going on 10 years now. pastor j came into my life when i was a junior in high school and he was fresh out of college, newly married, and took a pastoring job in our sleepy town. he was dynamic as a person and as a pastor and shook up a lot of people's notions about what youth ministry was supposed to look like. i would not be overstating anything to say that his coming to bellefontaine changed my life.

i respect him and his family and ministry immensely. about four years ago he moved to michigan to work with a church plant there... and in this season of stuff our family is going through, pastor j and heidi, have by the sweet grace and leading of God, committed to coming alongside us...and in the most practical ways they are coming alongside shawn.

let's call it mentoring.

so shawn will be spending a bit of time there, four hours north of us, serving in quiet, not out front kind of ways at the church, working under pastor j, living in their basement, maybe even working a regular ole job, and whatever else God requires. its a good thing. i suppose (in this ONE case) that we are used to spending mass amounts of time apart. well, maybe not, but that sure does sound positive, doesn't it? (patting myself on the back for being so glass half-full)

no, in all seriousness...i am thrilled that j and heidi are being so generous with their life and their time and it makes me feel very LOVED by God that He would put such a tugging on their hearts for us. most of you know shawn's background so i won't feel the need to explain, but suffice it to say that its good for him to have time to just BE with a family for awhile. so many men don't really grow up with a dad who is intentional about validating, affirming, and shaping them, you know? shawn's grandpa is rad, but there's an undeniable age gap and that comes with its own issues...

my pastor here, pastor ricks, is really firm on the notion that we all need a spiritual father here on earth...someone whose vision and calling we can line up with, serve under..someone whose spirit we'd like to "catch"...someone to really pastor us...i think that term is really misunderstood in our overly religious Christian environment...we too often experience pastors as the talking-head of the church..someone who is elected into the position by one means or another, who spends the week with their nose in books, and then delivers a message with cleverly labeled points in the most charismatic manner they can muster up...i don't mean pastor in that sense...i mean a man appointed by God to shepherd a group of people that God has gathered...someone who God wakes in the middle of the night to pray for the sheep in his flock..someone who drives all over town looking to find you when God has laid something on his heart for you...someone who knows your name and gifts and weaknesses and loves you like a father...someone who isnt afraid to discipline you and tell you the truth...not someone who butters you up and flatters your pride so you won't take your tithe to another building...

jason is a shepherd and God put shawn on his heart. so shawn is there, being pastored. and we are THANKFUL for the provision of God even if it means there is some time and space between us.

God knows what He is doing.

in the meantime, as much as i love my family, we are moving out. its been a great couple of months of just chillin' with the fam... but the other day, i realized MY MOM IS DOING MY LAUNDRY...and within a milisecond, i knew it was time to go. the house still hasn't sold so we may be setting up camp here for awhile until we can afford to do something else, but there is something about going home that makes anyone feel like a child again. still, i HAVE a child..i am not one so its time to spread those independent wings once again.

luckily my aunt deb owns a house on the edge of town and the bottom floor just became available. the big, old brick home sits on 5 acres (perfect), has floor to ceiling windows (perfect), a huge front porch (perfect), a garage and a barn (perfect), hardwood floors (perfect), amazingly wide old trim (perfect) and huge open kitchen (PERFECT!!!) the bottom floor is actually notably larger than our seattle home and the upstairs is being rented to 3 college age girls from the church. i can't wait to get in there... we are going to rip up the carpets and refinish the old hardwoods and paint the whole thing. she just got the house last summer and hasn't had much time to work on it since she rented it out right away. so once it is unoccupied, i am going to be spending the first half of my nights after cohen goes to sleep, driving into town and sanding and painting. i love that stuff... and at least this time, we are going to be able to do the work BEFORE we move our stuff in. (that's a lesson you only have to learn once, friends!) and i am excited to get to know the girls better...college was a great time in my life and leading my Bible study was the highlight. i am praying God will give me opportunities to love on them, talk with them, and maybe even have a slumber part or two.

i will post before and after pics when i have them. (of the house that is!)

hopefully our house will sell soon, but its good to know that even its awhile, we have a really great, affordable housing option that works with the dogs AND a marvelous landlord to boot (see the post just prior to this one!)

i am always wishing for a "pause" button in life...you know, a chance to throw up the "T" gesture for a sizable time-out...to think, pray, SLEEP...and its just not often that you get that opportunity. so even though i would rather not be making a mortgage payment on an empty place, i am not going to complain. we've needed this stint in limbo-land to kind of mull some things over in our minds and make some serious decisions...

we knew we weren't supposed to be in seattle. nashville seemed like the obvious option. but then we got the house up on the market, moved our stuff to ohio to wait for a sale, and all the while our confidence in nashville as our new homeward destination seemed to be crumbling. we didn't talk about it for awhile..both thinking the other one might be frustrated to hear doubt after we'd already put ourselves out on the limb of faith...but then one of us gave a voice to the feelings and found we were in the same boat.

i think shawn said it at least once a day for the last month we were living under the same roof: it doesn't feel good to not have a home.

and no, it doesn't.

i know the brick house won't be 'home' for long just like shawn's hole-ing up in pastor j's basement won't be forever either, but maybe it does explain my excitement over painting and sanding. maybe i am hoping to work my way into some homey comfort.

i know the Lord has a lot to speak to us in this season...tomorrow is the first day of november and in this upcoming month of thankfulness (my fav holiday!) i feel the Lord calling for it to be a season of fasting in my life...so i am sure i have watched my last bit of mindless dribble on the tv, done my last google search, and eaten my last non-daniel style meal for awhile. even as i write that, i feel a yearning to go deeper...to drink deeper...to draw closer...

and my heart his anxious to hear. i am thirsty for His Words on all of these matters that concern us...knowing where He is planting us; the place we are to set some roots and serve...well that really doens't even make the top 5 of issues i am wanting His leading in, but maybe He will share it with me anyway...who knows? or maybe we'll just sit and be together...that would be fine with me...

ANYWAY, all of this meandering is making me sleepy and sleep has its value here in limbo land, friends. so good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite and all that jazz.

much loves
kate

getting better with age

2007-10-30T06:34:00.000-07:00

today is my sweet aunt deb's birthday. i wish i had a digital picture of her because i'd post it. not that a picture of her would be at all as great as getting to actually know her, but just the same, i'd post it.

the absolute polar opposite of her younger sister (my mom), aunt deb is like a second mother to us adelsberger kids. when we were younger, playing at her house was magical because she'd let us make a big mess and be out in the woods all day without panicking that we might get hurt or making us 'check in' (like my mom did) just to be sure we all still had our limbs and weren't covered with blood. and by us, i mean my bro aaron and i are her three boys (matt - 1 yr older than me; aj- one year younger than me, and caleb- a couple of years younger than aaron)... we'd play all day...runaway or pirates or indiana jones..and make hay forts in the barn and just have the time of our lives. beth's memories with aunt deb have more to do with baking in the kitchen and being allowed to make a huge mess in the process since by the time she came along, the fort days were nearly over and she had aunt deb largely to herself. even joe and josh, 21 and 23 years younger than i, are growing up with their aunt deb time. every friday they go to her house and play in the river and make messes and bake and take walks..only this time its not with her sons, but her grandson. still, their faces light up when they realize its FRIDAY! and still, they come home filthy and dead tired from hours of hardcore play.

throughout my life, when i think of the handful of people who have really left their mark on me, aunt deb towers over the list. she and i share a love for books and debating and getting fired up. as i grew older, i earned my place in the morning coffee discussions. some of my favorite times were being in our pjs, drinking coffee with the news running on the tv, and discussing everything about life and our family with my mom and aunt deb (and beth once she was in high school)

every year on my birthday, aunt deb gives me a book...its always used and she always scribbles a heartfelt message inside the front cover. although i have loved every book she's given to me and read them multiple times, its those scribbled words in the front cover that have most impacted me. even sitting here right now, i could repeat- word for word- much of what she has written to me over the years...yeah, i have read them THAT MUCH. i can think of numerous times in the recent past when i felt like i was in a dark hole, and i would go dig out my copy of 'the divine conspiracy' and sit with her encouragement and see "the world needs you" scrawled across the page in pencil and just cry...because thinking of her love for and belief in me is like a beam of light, leading out of that dark place.

and you know what? i bet she doesn't remember even writing that. and not because she did it flippantly, but because she takes the time to do things like that alot. my aunt deb is a master encourager. we sometimes tease that if you have a dream or an idea, the best person to share it with is aunt deb because she not only believes in it, but she will start dreaming right alongside you! she's never one to poo poo on any parade. she's creative and smart and passionate about life.

i just had coffee with her yesterday morning, but whenever i think about her and recount the things i love about her, i always think of how she looked one day about five years ago. i remember she had ridden her bike over to my mom's and it was the summertime. she was full of some great idea and just beaming as she sat in my dad's blue recliner and spoke. i don't remember what she talked about that day, but i do remember thinking to myself 'THIS is how i want to remember aunt deb forever'. she was wearing a bright, flourescent yellow wind jacket that pulled over her head and had a little white zipper that only went down a few inches. deb is always wearing either paint clothes (she's a painter) or workout clothes (she loves to bike and run and is in tip-top shape). that day she had sunglasses perched on top of her head and her skin was darkly tanned from lots of time outside riding, gardening, running...her skin was tight over her cheek bones as she smiled. her beautiful, short white hair (i will never dye mine if it becomes that color with age) was glistening, her hands were clasped together, and her green eyes were dancing.

that's the picture i would post for you if i had it. she was radiant in that moment- she being herself. and its embedded in my memory..

although my aunt is truly brilliantly smart and full TO THE BRIM with amazing thoughts and great ideas, proabably few will ever know her name. she really should write a book- i keep telling her that- but she hasn't yet and maybe she won't. there are a million large and small generous and wonderful things she had done that maybe only the closest of family will ever know about. she's the kind of person who has put herself out there a million times to help others and has been a hurt as many times by people who didn't get it or who were just willing to take advantage of her kindness. AND YET, she continues to do good...to love fully...to give...to care...

she is one of my heroes.

so here's to aunt deb! i love you! happy birthday!

who doesn't love a kid in a costume?

2007-10-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

cohen spent a bit of his first trick or treat night being a SLEEP-PEA baby rather than the sweet pea we had planned, but eventually he woke up and got into the spirit of things...

joe was (very fittingly) a pirate who yelled 'aye, mighty'! (aka matey) with great precision and bubby, the fire fighter, shared with us how he saves peoples lives. the three of them , complete with costumes, made for a very enjoyable night.

the best part? they got tired quickly so we didn't have to stay in the cold too long... i think nights like these are often better as photo ops than as actual activities and we did get some good photos! so enjoy, friends!

Christmas jingles in October

2007-10-24T11:30:00.000-07:00

i heard my first Christmas jingle last night. shawn and i made a quick run to babies r us to get cohen a halloween costume last night after we had dinner with my cousin, aj, and the girl he is dating. it was a really great night... we got to see the house aj is flipping (it looks RAD...if anyone you know is wanting to live in dayton, ohio- give me a hollar!) and then he picked up allison from her grad class and all five of us went to thai 9 for dinner. it was a great night full of wonderful surprises! my tom kah gai soup (my thai fav!) was unbelievable and the sushi was delightful! who knew dayton had such good asian food!??! allison- well, she got my stamp of approval. we were the first family members to meet her and so honored. and even cohen was in a good mood and happily (and almost quietly) flirted with the waiter and surrounding tables. it was a good night.

we jetted to babies r us just 30 minutes before it closed..which, i hate to do to the workers. i worked retail in college, i know how awful it is to see people walking in while you are trying to close (early, if at all possible). BUT there is nothing of the like in bellefontaine and we desperately needed to get his halloween costume since trick or treat night here is thursday. we walked in and saw the perfect costume immediately- i am going to keep what it is a surprise- but i will post pics on friday. it will be a plethora of cute kiddies...

ANYWAY when we were in babies r us drooling over all of the adorable clothes, shoes, coats...i heard my first Christmas music of the 'season'...my first thought was 'are you kidding me?!?! Christmas music before halloween?' i used to get upset when i heard it before Thanksgiving, but now that's an accepted practice, but before halloween? can anyone say 'marketing machine'?!?! that was my entire thought process as we rushed in and out of the store.

but today i got thinking about it... about Christmas and what it has become. you know i think holidays are just days and pretty much what you make them. we weren't allowed to trick or treat as kids but i don't personally have a problem with the way we are doing it this year...taking the kids to a nursing home where they can bless the residents, get dressed up, and enjoy some candy. i actually have more of a problem with Christmas... growing up we were poor enough (so many kids) that we never experienced that HUGE SPENDING/UGLY CONSUMERISM that gets talked about on the news. my parents never went into credit card debt to give us everything we wanted and it never took more than an thirty minutes for us ALL to open our presents. i didn't realize until the last few years that credit card debt for Christmas is actually quite common and that many parents feel pressured to give their kids everything they want...i didn't realize our economy actually depends on Christmas- that analysts start hoping for big spending months in advance...

and honestly, it makes me sick. last year, when shawn and i decided not to do the 'big gift thing' and just agree on some gifts we both wanted... he got a camera lense and upgrade and i got maternity clothes- and we still spent a ridiculous amount.

SICK.

so this year, we (along with my parents and siblings) have decided to give gifts to those in need instead of each other and we couldn't be MORE EXCITED about it.

we might be a little extreme and i certainly don't think everyone has to follow suit here, but i DO think EVERY PERSON should consider giving a gift to someone who truly needs it. it could mean participating in Angel Tree (angeltree.org) or serving at your local food pantry or shelter or even giving a gift to a child overseas. we have decided to do the latter.

there are lots of good organizations out there, but i want to highlight WORLD VISION because i ahve seen with my own two eyes the good that they do. when we went to africa i couldn't believe the difference $35/month could do. the ONLY kids at school with books or shoes were the sponsored kids and the only families with animals and seed to plant were families with sponsored kids.

world vision has a gift magazine with hundreds of gift ideas ranging from $35 to $5000! most of us could certainly spare $35 around the holidays... if you are interested AT ALL, please click on the picture below to see the gift ideas at www.worldvision.org and pray about adding a needy child or family to your Christmas shopping list... i promise that it will be money well spent- money planted into the Kingdom of God- and something you will never regret doing.

happy (very) early Christmas, friends.

bloggy happiness

2007-10-23T08:24:00.000-07:00

hey friends..this one is going to be short and sweet...

i just wanted to let you know that i am working on a new site! i am very very excited about it! i will post a link as soon as it is up and running, but you can bookmark it if you like!

www.katemcdonald.NET

please note it is a ".NET" site and not a ".com" one...apparently kate mcdonald in every variation is already taken!

anyway, the new site is going to have my regular blog (which I will be updating alot- everyday), a book blog with recommendations and links to buy them USED, a recipe section, and eventually (this may take a month or so) a Bible study section!!! also, i am going to do the read through the Bible in a year again!

can't wait to get it up and running for you!

if insomnia had a face, i'd punch it

2007-10-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

welll....friends. its 2:11am and i am STILL VERY AWAKE.

and you know what? its illogical. i woke up early with cohen, was awake half the night with cohen last night, and have been sleeping like literal crap for over a week now. logic says i should be on the verge of the kind of exhaustion that puts those movie-star-party-girls in the hospital every other week (of course mine hospital stays would actually be caused from exhaustion and not alcohol...minor difference, but you know what i am saying)

UGH. i want to sleep! if you are one of those people who falls asleep the minute your head hits the pillow and wakes in the morning when the alarm goes off...if that's you, with your perfect 8 hours of sleep every night, then i forbid you to continue reading this post!!!... we can't be friends anymore.

its not you, its me. as an insomniac, i just can't find it in my heart to like people like you who have deep, undisturbed sleep.

(please hear the SARCASM- you know i love you)

anyway....i am not sure what has happened to me. i mean, i have struggled with this my whole life (yes, even as an infant), but lately things had been better. i felt tired at night and woke up somewhat refreshed in the morning. heck, i was even nursing without really waking. but now i am back to this...

i just can't turn my brain off, people. i think during the day thre's nowhere for me to put my thoughts since i am focused on cohen...and then at night i have a whole day's worth of processing to do! when cohen finally nods off (he has troubled sleeping too), i just unwind for a while and then here come those pesky thoughts...and before i know it, its 2am and i am staring at the ceiling or watching cohen sleep with great jealousy.

what's a girl to do?

ok well i don't want to waste a whole post writing about how i am not sleeping, which is obvious enough i don't need to say it... so let me tell you some recent joe and josh stories...but just a few....

think of it as your reward for reading this far.

I AIN'T SCARET OF DOCKERS!

joshy (who is now insisting on being called 'bubby') is really scared of going to the doctor. you probably would be too if you were on a medical card and got treated more often than necessary at clinics because your (bio) mom liked the attention and wanted something to do besides sitting on her butt watching tv all day..(man, lack of sleep doesn't make someone nicer, does it?) ANYWAY, suffice it to say that josh has had many bad experiences with doctors is rather scared of them. he got strep throat last week and had to go...he was pitching a fit about it and crying and carrying on. then just he walked out of his room and right up to mom. "guess what, mommy? jesus said to my heart 'YOU AIN'T SCARET OF DOCKERS, BOY!!' and i ain't scaret no mo." he said it with such conviction and so loudly that we all had to restrain ourselves from laughing until he left the room. and who knows, right? maybe that's just how jesus said it to his little ghetto, 3 yrd old heart!

NURSERY RHYMES GONE BAD
joe was singing nursery rhymes and songs in the back of the car while we drove. its not out of the ordinary for him to mix and match the lines/lyrics but this was the best one we'd ever heard: joe singing just as sweetly as possible, "mary had a farmer in the dell" (i promise, that's true! *grin*)

11 OR 12 WIVES
while i was house-sitting for my aunt mary and shawn was fishing in michigan, joe and josh came and spent an afternoon with cohen and i. we were working on puzzles and talking about life. the boys gave me some great revelations. joe was working intently on the puzzle and telling me how he is going to marry 'iley'(ireland), a little girl from his class. he kept telling me 'she look like berry 'ortcake!' in his best loud voice accompanied by his best sort-of-bashful expression. (i think he thinks being louder will make it less embarressing) the cutest part is that iley really DOES look like strawberry shortcake.

i asked him how old he thought he should be before he got married and he quickly said "18". that was closer than i expected. he then told me 'her daddy don't care!' i smiled.

later when i asked him how many peices he wanted his bagel cut into and he said '18!' and when i asked how old he thought i was '18!' and then how many girls he likes '18!' and then how many is he going to marry?

'maybe 11 or 12'. hmmm...i thought maybe everything was going to be answered with a resounding '18!', but it seems like he thought about that last one...*grin*

CHINA BABY
the same afternoon josh was playing with one of cohen's toys...its a tummy mat with a spot that has water in it and little floating fish. josh asked 'how you maked this?'

i assured him i didn't make it or know how it was made, i just bought it at the store. i didn't want to get into a long convo of 'whys'...then josh asked me who did make it and to humor myself i quipped 'probably someone in china'. i said it mostly under my breath, but leave it to josh to pick up on every word.

"china? i used to lib in china..."

i looked at him with surprise; he looked at me just to check if i was buying it. i played along. i wanted to hear where this would go...

"...i libbed in china when i was a baby."

"you did?" i egged him on.

"yep. shore did."

"how long did it take you to get there?"

"umm...a wong, wong time. its far far away"

"did you walk there?" i asked.

"no silly! its far far away. i taked a airpane."

"how long was your airplane ride, joshy?"(he corrected me "bubby")

"it taked 18 weeks!" (i guess he caught on to that whole 18 thing too)

"wow..what did you do there?"

"i was a teacher. i teached babies and big tids!"

"what did you teach them?"

josh looked over at cohen, who was kicking his little legs wildly and said "i teached babies to tick like tohen! and i teached them to grow...big like ME!"

what could be more fun than just asking questions and seeing where a little kid will take a story...!?!? i think at 3 thte line between reality and imagination is pretty blurry...by the end of the conversation, he thought he had convinced me and i think he did convince himself. he's now telling everyone he was born in china!

MY LAST NAME IS...
on my aunt's wall there hangs pictures of her 4 sons and their children. now my maiden name is adelsberger and my aunt's first husband's last name was rodenberger. josh and joe wanted to look at each picture and say the grandkids names. "that's riley and brody and alec!" exclaimed josh. joe put in his two cents "there's addy!" we went through this drill about a million times in one afternoon, naming each kid every time. josh finally took a breath and paused and looked at me.

'what's cohen's last name?' he asked (at preschool, he is just figuring out people have first and last names, but why some people's are the same and some are different is still lost on him)

"mcdonald" i answered.

'what's your last name, tadie?'

'mcdonald' i told him. i hesitated to explain cohen's and mine are the same since i am his mommy. the boys think of my mom as their own so the fact that their last names aren't the same could potentially be confusing. while i was mulling that over in my mind, joshy started rapid firing

...."what's shawn donald's last name?'

"mcdonald, silly,' i answered (they think his first name is shawn donald...of course they think shane's first name is 'shane and shane' and that the other shane is his brother...so lots of things are confusing to them)

then josh started asking me the last names of all of the little kids on the wall of pictures. it ended up that my answers were something like this: "adelsberger, adelsberger, rodenberger, adelsberger, rodenberger, rodenberger" etc.

josh took it all in and started back on the puzzle. then he paused and looked up. 'want to know my last name? its (he looked at the tv) jimmy neautron-jesus (his favorite person)- BERGER!"

i stifled my laugh and asked again, 'what was that last name?' this time he said it louder and with great enthusiasm "JIMMY NEUTRON-JESUS-BERGER"

I tried to convince him not every last name ends with 'berger' but it was in vain.

ok...tiredness is coming on and i am going to try to make nice with mr sleep rather than wasting my time fighting with mr insomnia...

later, friends.

*hey 3 posts in 4 days, arne't you proud of me?

organization seems unattainable, but the organizing makes me happy

2007-10-19T15:38:00.000-07:00

what do you do when everything in your life needs settled? wellll, if you are me, you organize. and not only do you organize, but you organize something simple and unnecessary that will take you the better part of the day....

...like, for instance, my bookshelves...

all of my books were already unpacked and on the shelves in some relative order, but today i was looking at them and decided they all needed to be taken down and properly situated. it would also be correct to say that today i was looking at my parents' basement full my furniture and boxes in great need of being ordered, unpacked or repacked and labeled, and cleaned and faced with the greater mess, i opted to deal with the 100th thing on my enormous to do list: the bookshelves.

so i took every one of the books down off the shelves (i have a lot- the line an entire wall probably 12 feet long and almost as high) and began placing them in piles... fiction, pregnancy/parenting, cohen's books, dog books, nutrition/cooking, study tools, Bibles, Bible study books, journals, relationship/marriage, classics, science books, psychology..and so on. even just getting them in piles took a few hours of my time in between nursing appointments with my rather demanding almost 6 month old (dear Lord!) son. then i mapped out where i wanted each section...which ones i use the most often where they would be most accessible, the journals up high where no one can read them, the study tools in the middle, fiction to the left, books on Christian living to the right with the study tools and Bible studies and Bibles. Then I alphabetized each section, labeled it, and placed them on the shelves according to the accessibility grid.

(as an aside, it turns out that have a last name that starts with an "l" or an "m" is prime for being an author since about half of my bookshelves are filled with authors whose last names begin with those letters. i guess that's good for me...now all i need is some TIME, movitation, and a topic and i will be well on my way to authorship! *grin*)

anyway..it took all day, but the bookshelves are beautifully organized and ready for use, even if i still can't find my clothes or the cover for cohen's bouncy seat or the extra key to the front door the realtor is needing...

...and honestly, i feel better.

does anyone else think procrastination is a disease? *grin*

well..i have posted two days in a row...so i am going to give myself some grace.

have a good night, friends.

p.s. (how long has it been since i last typed that!?!?!) i finished the book last night and the end was even better than the beginning...i want to tell you about it so much that i am going to have to sign off here before i blurt it out and ruin everything for you......

A little inspiration does a body good

2007-10-18T18:34:00.000-07:00

hello, friends...

maybe a few of you are still reading these scant posts.

someday (soon) things are going to calm down and i am going to post everyday. okay, let's get real: things are never going to slow down, but someday (SOON) i am going to start posting everyday.

promise.

its been a crazy week. puppies! baby! more puppies! i have been house/dog sitting for my aunt and going back and forth between my mom's house and her's. at first shawn, cohen and i were staying there full time. she has a big back yard and we thought 'why not take all the dogs too?' so we packed up like we were moving AGAIN (good grief) and moved in to her place. i will save you the painful details, but that turned out not to be such a good idea. well, minus the fact that she has an awesome bathroom that was perfect for whelping the puppies. but other than that, having our four dogs plus her mini schanuzer all in one house was not a brilliant thought. because the big back yard is not fenced and the not so big front yard is directly on a large, busy road it was not such a brilliant thought. everyone ended up inside together. two adults, one baby, and 4 dogs plus another pregnant one is frankly, just too much. so after jetti had the puppies, the dogs all got moved back to my parents way out in the country where they have the run of garage and 5 acres out in the middle of nowhere. and we are all much happier...even while driving back and forth taking care of my aunt's house and dog.

shawn went fishing with my dad in michigan last weekend and that was the really hard part...when he left. before that, he was taking our 3 out to potty and he can control them better than i do. i was just dealing with jetti who hardly could move she was so huge. and my aunt's dog is leashed up outside. but when he left, i was taking each dog out one by one on a leash. not fun.

wait...i didn't tell you about shawn chasing grey (my aunt's dog), did i?

its a good story. wanna hear it?

so my aunt informed me that grey is a runner...you let him off the leash and he bolts. so everyday i was taking him out and making sure he was secured tied up outside and then taking him ON THE LEASH into the house. i have no time for chasing dogs. i guess we had been there about a day and i was inside making breakfast. grey was out on his tie up in the yard. shawn decided to take our 3 out to go potty. he had been out a few minutes when he came running in, with our 3 dogs in tow, and he was red-faced and panicked. "he just took off!" he yelled, out of breath.

"who?" i asked, my emotion quickly raising to meet his.

"grey!"

"grey?!?!?"

"yes, grey" he looked surprised at my bewilderment.

"SHAWN! i said he bolts! why did you take him off his tie-up?!?!?" now i was panicked.

"what? i don't remember you saying that...i just thought he would like to get off and play with the others."

he didn't remember me saying 'just leave grey- he bolts'? are you kidding me?!!?!

it was the last thing i said, people. the last thing before he walked out the door. just further proof that men really don't listen. i couldn't say anything i was so mad (and that's mad for me) i raced out the door in my pjs which would hardly have been appropriate for any woman, let alone a nursing mama. i spotted him. i walked toward him telling myself to exude calm assertive energy (thank you, mr. dog whisperer) grey was socializing with 3 tiny pomeranians next door. i got within two feet of him and he lunged away and ran across that big, busy road in my aunt's front yard. i was sure i was going to see him get killed, but he just missed a semi. the neighbor offered to help and i was about to fall apart. then i saw shawn speeeding across the road. i watched as grey darted around the apartments and shawn chased him. and there i stood in my pjs screaming "chase him AWAY from the road!" i really had lost all sense of pride, friends. i just didn't want to have to tell my aunt her precious dog had died on my watch after two days. grey darted behind the apartments and i lost sight of them for a minute until they were in the parking lot of the medical campus a ways down the road. grey thought it was a game. shawn looked tired. suddenly i remember my son sitting in his swing and i ran back inside. i was crying. about ten minutes later i heard shawn's FLIP FLOPS (yes, he was running in them) on the sidewalk and he came in carrying the wayward dog. he put grey down inside the door and muttered something about being out of shape and needing to run. grey looked tired too. i started laughing out of relief but then i was laughing because it was kind of funny.

needless to say, grey was never off that leash again outside. my aunt gets home saturday and her dog will be alive and well to meet her.

i didn't really intend to go into all of that...but what the hey- why not?

my mom has this friend from college, sprinkle, that i secretly wish was my friend. i guess she is, but we are friends in the way that you are with someone the age of your mom. she has a beautiful, round face and this wild irish red curly hair and these shiny brown eyes. she is shorter than even me and her laugh is addictive. luckily, she laughs a lot. she was here last for my brother's wedding (which was GORGEOUS, SWEET, JOYOUS, MAGICAL). she stayed for the weekend and she left a book for my mom. my mom doesn't get the occasion to read much while she is chasing around her elementary age little boys. shawn went to visit a friend in columbus tonight, and so when he did and cohen was nursing, i picked up the little book.

she told me briefly that it was about...a friend of rich mullins who lost his 2 year old, severely disabled daughter 6 months after Rich was killed by a semi, and then lost his mom wrote the book. its a novel about grief and heaven..somewhere between fiction and non-fiction... in the same vein as lewis' book 'the great divorce'.

well..i am half way through and I LOVE IT. in fact, i love it so much that i had to pause reading it so i could write a blog and tell you to read it.

its that good.

i am putting a link on here so you can get it and enjoy it like i have. its beautiful...beautiful thoughts about heaven. i don't want to give anything away or rob your very own reading experience..but i have to tell one thing, ok? i would like to say i am just trying to get you hooked, but i'd be lying to deny that i just can't keep things to myself. i do want you to hooked, though, ok? so don't hold it against me too much.

ok...so the main character is having a vision/dream/i am not sure about going to heaven and he enters into this cabin in the woods. there isn't much in the cabin...its sparsely furnished and decorated. he sees on picture on the fireplace mantle and goes in to get a closer look. its a young boy playing in a sandbox. he can't help but smile. then it occurs to him...the photo is HIM. only he can't remember ever seeing it before...can't remember it being taken. later, through some plot turns, he learns that its not a photo, but a memory...God's memory...God's favorite memory of him as a boy...

yeah...its good, people. you can buy it used on amazon for only a few bucks. its worth it. trust me.

something else that you should check out if you are needing to FEEL...cry...feel inspired.

go to your local movie rental place (or better yet, buy it) and get yourself a copy of "reign over me". i think i blogged about it when shawn and i first saw it in the theater. but it just came out on video so it deserves to be blogged about again. go see it. i know adam sandler and don cheadle seem like an odd couple to be in the same movie together...but this ain't no (good grief! my grammar has been affected by joshy, i am afraid!) 'water boy' adam sandler movie.

just watch it. you'll understand. let me know what you think.

good night, friends.

and...they are here!

2007-10-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

jetti woke me up at 5am sunday morning, whining and carrying on. i took one look at her and knew instantly that this was it. i watched for hours while she twisted in pain and to no avail. at 2pm she saw the vet, who informed me she was hardly dilated. poor thing. i did what he prescribed..took her home, put her in a dark, quiet room, and left her alone. i checked on her a few times and at 7:30, i just felt like something was going on. i peeked in the room to see her licking a pup. i watched for a moment- the pup was not moving at all. jetti was whining anc concerned. i took the pup and put it in a warm towel and rubbed it for several minutes, squeezed its nose and cleared its mouth- but nothing. i gave the pup back to jetti and she continued licking and moving the little male, but he didn't make it. i was upset and nervous that the first pup had died, but the vet said it was probably in the birth canal too long while jetti dilated and not to worry since losing the first isn't uncommon. when jetti had the second, she finally allowed me to take the dead puppy out of the crate. he was the spitting image of jetti, which made me even more sad. the rest of the night, things were much happier. jetti gave birth almost exactly every half hour until she had 8 healthy pups nursing happily at 1:00 am. and i guess in the spirit of this house's male offspring, she has 6 healthy male pups and two females.

here's the first look at beautiful little ones!

its beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

2007-10-08T23:50:00.000-07:00

okay, so maybe with the 90 degree weather here this ohio october it
isn't exactly looking like Christmas...BUT it is we are beginning to
think about Christmas here...

why?

because we are having CHRISTMAS PUPPIES!!! no, not the kind that are
born on Christmas, but the kind that are ready to go to their new home
on Christmas! is that good timing or what?!?!?

our lovable miss jetti is about a week away from giving birth to her
first litter of pups...she is waddling around the house and breathing
hard. i feel for her...it just hasn't been that long since i was in a
similiar boat. she has gotten so huge over the past couple of days,
that i was starting to worry... sure. we intentionally bred her to our
own beautiful stud dog who is a comparable size, but pocket beagles
normally have very small litters and girlfriend is getting HUGE. i
started wondering if somehow she had just three very large puppies
growing inside of her and i started to worry that she might not fair
well trying to pass those potential very large puppies. so today shawn
and i took her to the vet. he took blood and did a physical and told
us she looked great and that she has the most perfect temperment (we
knew that part already *grin*) then he did an xray so that we could be
sure she didn't have just a few enormous and hard to birth pups.

and she didn't have enormous pups... or just a few.

he counted EIGHT PUPS.

he said he was certain there were a minimum of EIGHT, but that he
couldn't rule out the possibility of a few more hiding in the shadows.

WOW.

so not only will we have beautiful Christmas pups but we will have a
minimum of EIGHT BEAUTIFUL CHRISTMAS PUPS.

so we are working on a site and will get some pics as soon as they
come. (we can't wait! SO excited!)

we are also starting a waiting list. just in case you are interested
(some of you have contacted us before, please do again!) or know
someone who is...

miss jetti is the mamma... she is a tri-color (black, white, tan) 11"
tall beagle whose tan coloring is almost blond. she is the most
loving, cuddly dog we have. she likes to follow you around and then
find her way into your lap when you sit. but don't think that doesn't
mean she wants to play at the park! she has the perfect medium
personality! here's a pick of her as a little pup and one more recent
photo (i will get a preggo pic up soon!):

tucker is the stud muffin pappa... a true chocolate beagle, tucker is
almost all brown..his head is blonder and he has two white toes and a
little white mark on his chest. he has green eyes, which is unusual
for a beagle. tucker is also 11" tall. he is much more shy and timid
than the rest of the dogs, but boy does he like to run! he has been a
heartbreaker since the day we got him..everyone wants to love on him,
but he makes you work for it! here's a puppy pic and a recent one:

miss jetti and tucker's pups have the potential to be tri-color, black
and tan, blond and white, or chocolate! but whatever color and
markings they have, they are certain to have their parents' wonderful
temperments!

we are starting a WAITING LIST, so if you are interested, please EMAIL
ME. i would love to talk to you through the process... all i need is a
deposit ($50) and your name and gender/color preference. we will work
on a first come, first serve basis. i will make a list of names in the
order that i receive deposits and confirmation and then once the pups
are born, i will let the first person on the list choose their pup
first and seond and third and so on... if you put down a deposit and
then don't get a pup (because we don't have what you want or because
you were the 5th one to choose and wanted only a female but then all
the females were gone (or something of the like)), of course we will
refund your $50.

interested? have questions? EMAIL ME @ pocketbealges@gmail.com

blond hair, bridesmaid dresses, and my bro

2007-10-03T20:46:00.000-07:00

did anyone see where september ran off to!?!? i mean, i know time gets faster and faster as you get older, but GOOD GRIEF.

my baby brother, aaron, gets married in 2 days. my husband is somewhere in kansas on his way to see us and will be here tomorrow. yeah... we've got a just a few things going on here.

today i was looking at cohen and thinking of how all of my picture-sending and story-telling could never have adequately prepared shawn for how much his son has changed in these last weeks. he's gained 4 lbs and gone from being a tiny infant who mostly cried all day to one who giggles, smiles non-stop, mimmicks sounds and expressions, can do push ups like its his job, can sit up with little-to-no help, and is independent enough to fall asleep without nursing.

i am excited for them to see each other again...to hang out and cuddle. and i am sad cause its been awhile and i am praying that all of those phone conversations will have helped cohen to remember his daddy.

to say his coming tomorrow is going to be a mixed bag of emotions would be the understatement of my life.

so how i am dealing with it? i colored my hair. one of the best roommates i ever had, brittany, wrote a poem once about how every time something happened with a guy, she changed her hair. so, shawn and i have this meeting up after 6 weeks of living across the country from one another and i thought 'why not dye my hair?' actually my dad dyed it. for years i have been watching him color my mom's hair and so something came full circle tonight as i sat in front of his recliner and let him work his magic on my blah locks. about half way through i started worrying that it would turn out orange or fall out altogether...wouldn't that be great? bad hair for a wedding AND bad hair when you first see your husband after a long time apart?

you know you never really get used to the coming and going of your husband, even if it is what's 'normal' for your lifestyle. it never gets easier. ugh.

UGH.

ok. blonds have more fun, right? i am blonder, so let's move on to something 'funner'. (for the record, shawn says 'funner' and it makles me crazy and beth just recently informed me that shane also says 'funner' and it makes her nuts... and my dad says 'walmarts' and 'illinoiS' and it makes my mom want to pull her hair out..guess its something us girls look for in man- improper pronunciation! *grin*)

some fun news... i am FIANLLY losing this baby weight! i was really depressed when i first tried on my bridesmaid dress for the wedding. it wouldn't zip, people. all of my friends swore that nursing just took the weight off of them. i had visions of fat just floating off of me while cohen and i shared a special feeding moment. when we ordered these dresses i was still preggo and thought SURELY in 5 months i would be back to pre-baby shape and ordered my dress accordingly.

(i guess i forgot to tell myself i am not a celeb mommy.)

although i feel like pretty much ALL i have done since cohen took his first breath is nurse...nurse..NURSE... my visions of fat floating away turned out to be more like a ridiculous fantasy rather than a true vision. i kept trying to remind myself that my midwife said it would take my organs, hips, and other things 4 months to go back to their original location. sitting on the edge of my bed she encouraged me that, 'a lot of women lose more weight in the second 6 months after birth than those first 6 months. for a lot of women, the 4 month mark is magical"

well ABRA CADABRA, friends!

in the last month i have lost 19.5lbs! i am back to running (maybe we should call it jogging at this point) and sleeping better and eating well and best of all, NOT WEARING PREGGO CLOTHES. i still have about 12 pounds to get back to pre-baby weight, but i feel very encouraged that it is going to happen. (i was starting to wonder)

certainly, weight isn't everything. but there is something wonderful about feeling like yourself. i look in the mirror the other morning and was like, 'hey! that;s my face! my face is back!' i had almost forgotten what i looked like after living with my pregnancy-altered body for nearly a year. and it feels good to remember.

and it feels even better to be able to zip that dress.

i really am looking forward to the wedding this weekend. i am so honored to be apart of two amazing people coming together in such a sacred union. i love my brother...he's such a great, solid guy. he always has been tremendous, but somehow becky has managed, just by her mere presence, to make him an even better man. he laughs harder now. he communicates better and more frequently. he might even just be a few inches tall when she's around... becky is like sunshine. her eyes light up when she giggles. she is a fan of comfy clothes. she is sweet but she has backbone. she IS the third sister...

i am SO happy for them.

ahhh...okay, well i am having trouble sleeping like a kid on Christmas Eve, but cohen is stirring and if i don't clothes this laptop he's going to get good and awake...

so, g'night friends. God bless.

I was tagged...

2007-10-01T14:57:00.000-07:00

...To tell about my man.

I don't usually do these things, but I was urged...

1. Who is your man? Shawn McDonald

2. How long have you been together? 3 years and 3 months

3. How long dated? 4 months before getting engaged and then we were engaged 7 (I don't recommend that timeline, by the way!)

4. How old is your man? 30

5. Who eats more? Probably me...Shawn forgets to eat a lot of the time. I don't know how he does it, but sometimes he just drinks coffee all day...that would make my stomach ache!

6. Who said "I love you" first? It is terrible, but I honestly don't remember. Knowing us like I do, it was probably me. I am the one who is more likely to put words to feelings.

7. Who is taller? He is

8. Who sings better? Shawn does. I can sing on tune and do harmony (and once even won 'Best Vocalist' in Jr High Chorale - ha!) but I don't have much flavor or uniqueness... hands down, Shawn is the talented one in the vocal area!

9. Who is smarter? I think it depends on the topic... I am probably more 'book smart'. I love to read. I am more insightful when it comes to dealing with people. I love philosophy and psychology and social/political issues and could spend hours discussing and debating topics. My realm is more the abstract. Shawn is WAY smarter in all things practical and concrete. He knows everything about music and photography and nature and gardening and technology...etc. Books could be written about all the things he knows and can do that I am clueless about!

10. Whose temper is worse? We both have one for sure, but I think if it came down to it, Shawn is probably more hot headed than I am.

11. Who does the laundry? We both do. I do mine and Cohen's. Since Shawn is gone alot, he does his own on the road (occasionally I should say...the rest of the time he puts coffee beans in his bags so that rather than smelling nasty, he just smells strongly of coffee! *grin*) When he comes home, he often prefers to do his own because he's very particular about how he wants it done. (and no, I have never ruined anything of his in the laundry!)

12. Who takes out the garbage? I usually did since I never remembered to take it out until Friday morning and the garbage man came before 9am and Shawn was never up by then!

13. Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? Shawn. But honestly, since I was big pregnant, I have often slept on the couch. It was more comfortable and then when Cohen arrived and didn't sleep well, it was easier for us to be downstairs and let Shawn get some sleep upstairs.

14. Who pays the bills? I do, but I hate it. It makes me very anxious. Its an area I really need to grow in trusting God. Doing the bills is probably the single thing I wish someone else would do! I just hate messing with it.

15. Who is better with the computer? Hands down, Shawn! Everything I know about how to do anything on the computer, he has shown me.

16. Who mows the lawn? I planted some flowers, but other than that, the yard is Shawn's thing. I love to work in the yard too, but mainly it was his domain.

17. Who cooks dinner? I would say that its something we share... most of the time, I probably was the one if a whole sit-down dinner was prepared, but Shawn is a good cook too. He loves to grill out so most of the time when he made dinner, it involved an open fire!

18. Who drives when you are together? Most of the time, Shawn is the driver. But I like it better when I drive. Its a control thing. (oh yeah, that and he drives fast)

19. Who pays when you go out? Whoever remembered their wallet. (that can be a toss up!)

20. Who is most stubborn? We are both really stubborn, but I think when push comes to shove, I am the more stubborn one.

21. Who is the first to admit when they are wrong? Shawn definitely says sorry sooner and is more quick to take the blame. I have a really hard time with saying sorry quickly. Something I need to work on.

22. Whose parents do you see the most? Even though we had lived so far from my family, I think we saw them more often. They were really awesome about flying out to see us even though it involved a good amount of money and effort on their parts. Now that I am living here in Ohio, I certainly see them more.

23. Who kissed who first? I did. I mean, he cooperated *grin* but I think I was the first one to do the 'lean in'.

24. Who asked who out? Neither one of us asked the other out. We were on tour together, hit it off, and switched phone numbers and email when the month-long tour came to and end. I honestly didn't think he would call me. But when we left the tour and headed to Maine for Beth's next show, I had a phone message from Shawn before we landed.

25. Who proposed? He did. I wasn't expecting it. I didn't say anything and Shawn eventually said, "Kate?" to which I responded, "Are you serious!?!?!" His response? "Well I am on one knee and I do have a diamond ring.." Smooth, aren't I?

26. Who is more sensitive? I don't know. I am a very feeling, sensitive person. So is Shawn. We are both criers, although he might express he's feelings with tears more than I do.

27. Who has more friends? We both are blessed with lots of good friends, but I think I am in more frequent contact than Shawn is with his friends. (traveling doesn't make that easy)

28. Who has more siblings? ME. I am the oldest of 7 (Aaron (24), Matt (19), Beth (19), Ben (16), Joe (5), and Josh (3)) and shawn was raised as an only child although he has one brother (Josh)

29. Who wears the pants in the family? I don't like that expression... There are areas I lead in and decisions I make because I need to (think: traveling husband) and other areas that Shawn is the decision maker/leader.

Okay, if you read this whole thing, consider yourself tagged! leave a comment and I will come and read your answers on your blog!

road trippin' isn't always fun

2007-10-01T09:18:00.000-07:00

hello friends...

well after weeks and weeks of finishing work on the house...shawn has finally left seattle! unfortunately he had to leave in the pouring rain as he drove over the mountains..not so much fun. also not so much fun? the man got a sick within hours of leaving. he called me this morning and he sounds awful. he has body aches and a sore throat...the works. i am praying it will be a 24 hr kind of bug and quickly move through his system. its hard enough driving a huge moving truck with our car attached to it and 4 dogs (one of whom is preggo!) riding in the cab. since the truck wasn't completely full, shawn set up a bed in the back where they could sleep at night...only thing he didn't think about? its COLD in the mountains at night. thank goodness he had the dogs then- four warm bodies to cuddle with! so maybe it wasn't such a good idea despite the fact that it kept him from having to park the huge truck/car combo.

he's headed to denver on tuesday... dear friends of ours lost a brother to suicide last week... and shawn is stopping to be with them at the funeral. please pray for them..we love them so much and cannot fathom the pain they are going through. please pray for the peace of God to guard their hearts and the presence of God to be supernaturally comforting in this time.

more later.
kate

"Please right now?"

2007-09-26T06:01:00.000-07:00

Scooby Doo is on the television and Joe is lying upside down watching it from the chair and Josh is equally as enthralled watching it right-side-up while sipping on some apple juice. Its relatively quiet for this zoo of a house. The only real sound is the 'white noise' from Cohen's swing and his occasional bouts of dolphin talk (aka squealing). Mom is taking her turn to run, so its just the four us here now. Having another adult in the house to watch Cohen while I take my turn means I didn't have to purchase an expensive jogging stroller after all.... sweet deal. And anyway, post-baby, I am having a hard enough time getting back in shape without pushing a big stroller with the chubster in it. Did I mention Cohen is getting HUGE?!?! He has now quadrupled his birthweight in just 5 months. I mean, he now has a dimply fat roll on his ANKLE. I think that's the definition of chubby.

Anyway...

I got up this morning at 4:30 (yes, A.M.) to take Sweet Sister Beth to the airport. I usually wake up easily, but this morning it felt like a dream (a bad dream) when she woke me up. Cohen has been sleeping through the night for some time now, but the last couple of nights he has been waking almost every couple of hours, crying. I AM SO READY FOR THAT TOOTH TO COME IN. I know once it comes in, I will be whining about nursing again, but at least I will be sleeping for some sustained amount of time even if I am 'injured'. So I was beyond tired y'all.

I fed and diapered Cohen and then we all piled into the car for the hour long drive to the airport. Its not a bad ride in the early morning when very few cars on the on the road and the baby is asleep. I like these times....just Beth and I and the chance to talk. I mean, obviously I do. I woke up at 4:30

We got about 10 minutes away and I looked down at the gas gage. It will dangerously close to empty. In all the feeding/diapering/carseating of Cohen in the dark I had not been able to find my purse. Beth said not to worry about it, she had hers. The thing was it was already 5:15 and at the rate we were going, she would get to the airport right at 6:10 about an hour before her flight. A stop meant she would be later. The other thing, was that there are not very many gas stations between us and the next big town and the next big town was a little less than half way. We live in the sticks, y'all. The STICKS.

I knew of one little gas station only a few more miles down the road, but wasn't sure it would be open. Beth wasn't sure it would take a credit card (we had no cash). I assured her it must take credit. I mean, WHO DOESN'T TAKE CREDIT?!?!? She was still skeptical. I thought of all the small businesses I knew that I had credit card machines....surely... but then I pulled in and read a big sign that clearly said "NO CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED. Cash and Check ONLY"

Are you serious? They would take a check rather than a credit card?!?!? Welcome to Small Town, America.

I wasn't sure we could make it the rest of the way to the next big town on the gas we had in the tank (the light had been on for 15 minutes now). I knew if we went the other direction, there would be gas stations galore, but then Beth would miss her flight. I have only once ran out of gas. It was two months after Shawn and I got married and I was on a busy road. I made it about 2 miles from our apartment and it puttered and then...nothing. Shawn had driven the car the whole day before without fillling it and I was on my way to the gas station to remedy that. He always swears you can get 60 miles on empty. So much for that! Anyway, o one stopped to help me. Shawn wasn't answering his phone because it was only 8am. So after awhile, I scribbled a note begging for the car not to be towed and put it in the window, and ran the whole way home. Shawn woke up to my freaking out and jumped on his skateboard (yes, his skateboard) and went to the car while our neighbor took me to get some gas.

I guess its kind of a funny story now. It wasn't as funny this morning as I recounted it to Beth. (well, except for the skateboard part...that's always funny) I was worried we weren't goign to make it. So I did what anyone would do:

I asked her to pray.

I have this thing about Beth...I mean, I know its stupid, but I sort of feel like she's a good luck charm. When we first started flying it freaked me out a little bit. I hate(d) landing. The take off and the whole flight, I was prefectly fine, but then we descent started, I would feel a tightening in my stomach. Beth would always hold my hand. So many times I would look over at her and think about the impact she was having with her music and think 'God wouldn't kill her. Its going to be fine.' Ridiculous I know. But i was a comforting thought to me. So she prayed and I felt better and we made it to the next big town and got some gas and somehow made it the airport in time for her to catch her flight.

It has been an eventful morning.

I came home and Cohen woke up and Joe and Josh were be wild. Mom kept having to remind them to say 'please can i have a fruit bar?' and 'thanks for my apple juice, Mommy'. About the third time Joe asked for another blueberry fruit bar, he was starting to get impatient. Mom was still holding out for the request WITH manners. "how do we ask for a fruit bar, Joe?" He looked at her with the frustration children feel from having to wait more than a mili-second for anything and said "PLEASE RIGHT NOW?"

I had to laugh.

I can be oh-so-very-much like that. I am a glass half FULL kind of gal. I am a tad more realistic than Pollyanna, but I do tend to see the brighter side of things. And often I want the brighter side of things PLEASE RIGHT NOW. So in this season of waiting on God to heal what's broken to redeem was seems hopeless, I often find myself wanting to skip to the part where everything is already better. Beth calls it the Adelsberger in me. I guess we all sort of have that. Our parents raised us to not complain and we are all too often the ones to say "Sure, its okay" or "I am fine" when the truth is nothing is fine or okay. We can be polite and gloss things over and always look for the best. Those can be great things...but they can also be avoidance strategies.

So this morning I was reminded with a little laugh to not rush to the point where everything is all put back together, but to instead look for God in each moment and savor each step in the healing process as He puts our life back together.

Thanks for all of the comments from the last post. Its good to know y'all are still reading. I will try to be more consistent. Have a blessed day, friends!

where in the world is kate mcdonald?!?!

2007-09-20T05:46:00.000-07:00

Did y'all ever watch that show- 'Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego'? I LOVED that show...Aaron and I watched it every afternoon... (we also watched Carmen videos, which doesn't say much about our taste! *grin*) I loved the mystery. I loved following the geographic and historical clues until we had nailed down just where Carmen Sandiego was. We even had the computer game. Remember that? It was so cool.

I feel a little kinship with Carmen. I mean, not as cool (obviously) and not as sought out, BUT I do feel a little MIA these days. If you followed my clues- 6 and under soccer practices, trampoline jumping, lots of cornfields, night hot tub talks with my mom, morning runs down the same road I have been running since I was 14, church at Christ our King, horrible cell phone service, a tesosterone filled house, etc- you might just find me here, at Mom and Dad's house in none other than good ole Bellefontaine, Ohio.

Still, in regard to the blogsphere, I have been....absent. And its not that I don't have things to write... Isn't it always that when you have maybe the MOST to say, that it comes out the slowest? (or maybe that's just me?) Anyway...

Its good to be back. I miss y'all. I have needed a break. But I sure do miss y'all.

There really is no place like Home. Even though I lived in Seattle for a couple of years and had our first home there, it really never felt familiar or comfortable to me. Seattle is a gorgeous place and the friends I made there are exceptional, but it just wasn't Home. I wanted to feel like I belonged in that cool, trendy, upscale city. But the darn truth of it all is that I feel like I belong in a place where its pitch black at night when the sun goes down; where cornfields sway with the breeze; where the most continual sound during the day is the crickets; where peacefulness is the norm rather than the exception. I won't be here too long and I know Bellefontaine isn't my final destination, but it is good to remember the things in life that make you feel some sense of rest...

I had started to feel like I was going to explode...(maybe implode?)

Let's just keep it real.

I was feeling like a balloon filled to the popping-point! Just imagine that the balloon was filled with stress and you've got the picture, friends. It wasn't pretty. I have been on the brink of unhealthiness for some time now. I guess I have been wanting to post about it- to be really frank with y'all- but it was impossible for me to type "THE SKY IS FALLING" and then not explain. And I couldn't explain. So instead, I posted pics.

At least my kid is cute, huh? *grin*

Life was getting a little tasteless. Just days before I had that really bad day/week/month/year/whatever moment, I made a little appointment with my family doctor and told her that I was feeling tired and down and that I wasn't sleeping and that nothing seemed fun anymore. She didn't have to tell me they call that DEPRESSION, but I did feel relieved when she didn't think I was a nut and kindly explained that lots of women have post partum that lingers on longer than the 'baby blues'. I wanted to act like 'oh sure, its just that post partum thing' and wear my TEAM BROOKE t-shirt proudly, but I had to be more honest. This wasn't just the baby blues...unless they started a few months before I got pregnant.

She gave me a prescription.

I decided to wait until I got here to fill it. And as it turns out, now I don't need to fill it. Resting here turned out to be the best medicine this girl could get. Lots of sleep, good conversations with my mom, and the sound of the crickets has gone along way toward diffusing all of that pressure.

Maybe that's too much information... I don't know. I used to be really transparent and then lately I haven't been in that place..so to me, it feels good to get back to being who I am. I think sometimes people can get the opinion that other people don't struggle (so not true) and especially if those people or their spouses are 'known' at all (even more untrue). So I wanted to say, we struggle. We struggle with the same things everyone else does. And sometimes our lives get a little run off into the ditch and it is necessary to halt everything and take inventory of what is really important before letting life pick up the pace once again.

But with that being said, I am doing well. Many of you who also read Shawn's blog have been writing and saying you are praying for us. We appreciate it. I just want you to know that we are well. Beauty can come out of ashes, friends. The hard times in our lives often end up being the best. God disciplines those He loves and one should never accept His love and not expect to be disciplined accordingly. Beauty from ashes...the Kingdom doesn't operate the way we would think. These things are the beautiful mysteries of our God. And on this morning, I am glad to report that I am seeing His working in our lives. It is requiring some serious dying on our part but it is so worth it.

SO WORTH IT.

I am glad to be back on here and really sharing. I love y'all. Seriously....

I am reading a great book by Dallas Williard, so be looking for a post about that soon. Its a rad book. Who doens't love Dallas Williard?!?!

I want to leave you with some verses I have been clinging to...be encouraged.

2 Corinthians 4: 6-11:
6For God, who said, "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the Light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ.

7But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves;

8we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;

9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;

10always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

11For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

real posts coming by tomorrow morning!

2007-09-19T07:34:00.001-07:00

sorry its taken so long! i am posting new stuff BY tomorrow! promise!

i have two quick things for you:

1.) i have an "update" on Josh and MYomi for those of you who enjoyed the video clip... soccer practice was yesterday and josh and naomi were playing on the playground when we heard josh say "oh MYomi there are monsters here! come tuddle (cuddle) me!" we went over to find them all snuggled up in the playhouse. later when mom asked josh about naomi, he said "she's purdy, mommy. but she still wears pull ups." i guess even in young love there are things you just have to accept about each other! *grin*

2.) here's my new favorite pic of my favorite boy:

MY-omi

2007-09-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

I have been taking Joe to his soccer games and practices and Josh has been going along. He told us after the first practice when he saw Naomi (known as "MYomi" to him) that he wanted to be her friend. My soon to be sister in law, Becky, happened to catch on video Josh's first efforts to woo her at Joe's first soccer game. Enjoy!

sun + baby = hats

2007-08-30T15:35:00.000-07:00

I don't think protecting someone from sun exposure has ever been so stinkin' cute!

tranquility and a good read

2007-08-27T06:57:00.000-07:00

I made it. I am here.

I had to step outside and just breathe it in.

Ohio. Ahh... sweet Ohio.

I know- you don't get what could be so great about cornfields and a crowded house full of boys...toddlers and teenagers- and I can't tell you in a way to make you understand. But it is oh-so-good to be home.

Mom and I have been taking walks in the morning and in the evening. My shouders are already tanning and its wonderful to walk this road I have walked a million times in my life...to talk with her about everything and nothing...to laugh and ponder..In the evenings the sky is so big and beautiful...deep blue with thick clouds hiding slices of orange and pink and purple...the corn stalks swaying in the ever-present breeze and the crickets churping. Its so completely DARK here at night. I forgot how much I could like that...how calming that can be.

I think that's what I have missed...the calm. When I was growing up, I could not WAIT to get out of here...to move away. Its funny now how glad I am to be here for a little while...I am just trying to soak up the tranquility.

Cohen is adjusting more quickly than I thought he would..going from a relatively quiet house to this one is a big transition.... Joe and Josh LOVE him and I think the feeling is mutual. I sit him on the couch and he is entertained for hours just by watching them as they read books and play and run around and punctuate their comings and goings with kisses for him. Its almost like he has brothers now... He is trying and trying to crawl and I bet he will do it sooner now that he has people to catch up with!

With all of the help I am getting now (there are enough people here for there to actually be fights over who gets to hold him next! *grin*) I actually got to read a whole book! I want to definitely recommend "A Thousand Splendid Suns" to ALL of you...wow. I loved Hosseini's "The Kite Runner" and this second book lives up to its predecessor. Hosseini has a way of telling the most tragic stories in the most beautiful, hopeful way. I don't want to give anything away, but if you are looking for a captivating read, check this one out!

Anyway, I need to go, but I wanted to say I will continute to blog even though the internet is SLOW here. Guess that's what you have to put up with to be able to enjoy the simplicity of this place..

More later, friends

its hard to sweep without a broom (and other things I hate about moving)

2007-08-21T06:55:00.000-07:00

I hate rain.

I mean, okay, sometimes its nice to have a stormy day so you can so you can stay in your pjs and watch sappy movies without feeling guilty about it ... but after nearly 9 months of drizzly, uninteresting, northwest rain (minus the wild beauty of a mid-western storm) I just don't think I can take one more day of it. C'mon, Seattle...people live here for the balmy, perfect summers...this is the one 'season' of the year its not supposed to rain. UGH.

Ahhh...well I am moving in THREE days...so it'll be over for me soon enough and then I will be in Ohio- and while that's no paradise island- it IS hot and sunny and evn with the crazy humidity, my parents have a pool, so Cohen and I won't mind a bit.(now that is a run-on sentence if I have ever met one) And wouldn't you know (the weather is on the news right now) that Thursday (the day I leave) is going to be the nicest day of the week? Figures.

The thing I really hate about the rain, is that I have dogs. Just try to keep your floors clean when you have four dogs running in and out of the rain to go potty. Its impossible. Here we have spent the last few weeks deep cleaning and preparing to sell our house only to have all of these 'so called' summer days full of rain ruin our hard work (okay, its not truly ruined, but..go with me here....)

Anyway, yesterday I went to sweep and mop and I opened up the pantry, where I always have kept both of those things, and found the swiffer looking very lonely.. I walked around the house and looked in each room but...no mop...no broom. I went back to the pantry, half expecting the broom to be there this time. We have lived in this house now for 26 months (that's 2 years, 2 months for all of you non-mamas *grin* I thought I would try applying the 'baby age rules' to other numbers just for kicks)...anyway, for as long as we have called West Seattle home, I have kept the broom and mop in the pantry. But....still not there. After looking and looking and eating up nearly all of my 'oh look the baby is sleeping, I should do some housework' time, I decided to go ahead and try to swiffer anyway.

Now, I am no great housekeeper and I hate housework as much as anyone I know, but even I have some basic rules about cleaning. One of which is, never do any mop-like activity before you sweep. Doing these tasks out of order can be...well...gross. Mopping without first sweeping only serves to push wet dog hair and dirt around your floor. The only thing more icky than dog hair and dirt is, you got it, WET dog hair and dirt. Still, I had to get the mud and paw prints up. So I swiffered.

There are a few things I would like to say to the Swiffer people... One, your product is not as great as it looks in commercials. Two, I have a rather small kitchen and I went through about 5 of those wet pads you apply to the swiffer just to get paw prints up! 5! Are you serious? That whole refill package only has like 20 of them and I just had to use 5 in one cleaning. (and no, my floor wasn't that dirty) Not only do the pads not go very far, but they aren't very tough either so there is no way you can scrub a floor with that thing... I only bought one cause my aunt Jen convinced me to when she was here helping me clean when I was waxing great with child and too tired to argue with her over cleaning products. (As a side note, my aunt Jen is a brilliant housekeeper and I am sure the Swiffer works well for her since she has no children at home any more and no animals..heck, I doubt her house even gets dirty..she has the cleanest house you have ever seen.)

. Anyway, I ended up on my hands and knees with a towel. I used to watch my mom clean the floors that way and while it was hard work, they actually turned out really nice...anyway...I still haven't found the broom or mop, but then again I only have THREE more days here, so I guess the Swiffer and I will just have to make do. I will say, it does smell nice... so if you have perfectly clean floors and just want to add a nice smell to them that requires being mopped on, the Swiffer is for you! But otherwise, a good old mop and bucket will do the trick. Oh, and don't forget to sweep first, friends!

Wow..that was a long tangent.

In other news (cause I know you are just dying for more amazing hot topics i.e. my mopping practices) I have finally figured out Cohen's diaper situation! Did you even know we had a diaper situation? Well, we did. My rad friend, Cara, told me about G Diapers (ww.gdiapers.com) right before Cohen was born..she's very environmentally conscious (and I am trying to be) so I was glad for the heads up. Did you know that 2/3 of what is in landfills are...diapers? Those sick things take 500 years to decompose...nasty. After learning that, I felt very convicted to use something a little more earth-friendly. We have been using G Diapers for months now and originally when you buy the diapers, they send you these flushable inserts that only take 30 days to break down. When we ran out of those, I decided I would just use the old-school regular cloth diapers as inserst and just launder and re-use them. BUT since we started doing this, Cohen has been peeing through the diaper, like seriously, every hour or so . So by the time I was washing all of those diapers and panels AND inserts (not to mention, peed on clothes), I am sure I was using enough water to obliterate my earth-friendly intentions. So yesterday, I picked Shawn up from the airport and we went to BAbiesRUs in search of a solution. We found some cloth diapers that were "4-ply, extra-thick and absorbant, and quick-drying"- everything I had been dreaming of! And I am proud to report that we have now gone 12 hours without a leaking diaper! Its pure magic, I tell you. I can almost hear the earth sighing in relief.

Speaking of earth-friendliness... I have been thinking a lot about that issue.,..about being good stewards of the wondrous creation God spoke into existance...and I am wondering what all of these issues mean to me? as a Christian? Its ironic to me that so many believers and maybe more so, the 'machine of christianity' seems to oppose the green movement. I don't get it. If we are the ones who believe the earth with its vegeation and inhabitants was purposefully created by the God we serve, why are we dragging our feet rather than leading the march to respect it? Hmm...something to think about. I imagine there will be more mosts about this soon...feel free to throw in your two (or more) cents.

Well, since I only have THREE days left and since Cohen is napping in his swing, I think I had better quit typing and get to working.

Have a lovely day, y'all. Hope its not raining where you are.

temper tantrums

2007-08-16T10:16:00.000-07:00

You know, I guess I can't say I am surprised to find that my child has a temper, but a temper at 3 and a half months of age? Now that is surprising.

The whole time I was pregnant, I knew I would someday have to discipline and train and teach the child that was growing inside me... I read a few books on parenting and started to form some ideas about what I thought was right. I started to play out scenarios in my mind... If my child does/say this, I will do/say that...etc etc. I thought for awhile my only job would be hold and kiss and feed and diaper...and that was true, its just that "awhile" was a lot shorter than I expected.

I told my Mom a week ago that I thought Cohen was starting to have temper tantrums...I am not sure she believed me until I left her with him one day last week so I could have lunch with a friend. I came back and he was asleep, but Mom recounted how mad he had been, "Kate, he wasn't crying...he was just screaming! I don't think I have ever heard a little baby like him actually scream." Well, there you have it, friends, my kid is already ahead of the pack...unfortunately his area of genius is anger.

Last night, he was asleep and I went upstairs to take a bath. I had no longer slid into the warm, relaxing water when I heard that gut wrenching, ear peircing scream. I layed back, knowing Shawn could pick him up. But after (literally) ten full minutes, I could hear him losing his voice so I got out and went to him. By the time he was settled down enough to nurse, he was almost asleep. Shawn and I were so worn out that we almost joined him.

This morning? Same thing. I layed him on his belly for tummy time and put his favorite book where he could look at the pages and grab it. He was fine for a few minutes and then he broke out into full-on freak out. His little face turned bright red, a vein started to protrude from his forehead, he was shaking and clenching his fists, and bellowing at the top of his lungs. I tried to stay calm and help him learn to calm himself, but the tirade went on for nearly 20 minutes until he fell asleep. Nothing was wrong with him...his pants were dry, his belly full, and the room a comfortable temperature...he was just mad.

As I was holding his tense little body against my own and trying to think of what a good parent would do in a moment like this to help their child learn to soothe himself and trying to ignore the blood-curdling screams (I think dogs everywhere, not just ours, went into hiding to get away from the shrill sound!), I started to laugh a little at the irony of the situation.

Cohen has been alive only 14 weeks...and he already thinks he knows what is best for him and is quite vocal about how unhappy he is when he doesn't get his way. I mean, teenagers who have been alive 14 years aren't even allowed to decide what is best for them and here this little tiny person who can't even crawl yet is already fighting to be able to live in accordance with his own will. He knows nothing about 'tummy time' or why its important for him to learn to push himself up onto his elbows...he doesn't realize that this minor discomfort and inability to see everythign he wants to will eventually lead to more of the independence he craves. HE doesn't know that to be able to walk, he needs to crawl and that to be able to crawl, he needs to learn to hold up his head and chest...which is why I am laying him on his tummy in the first place.

It made me think about my life....and about God. God must chuckle at my twisting and turning and screaming about wanting my way and think, "really, Kate? Really? You are so sure of you know what you need, aren't you?"

It was a small epiphany that left me thinking long after the little man had (finally) dozed off, worn out from his vain toiling. I found myself saying.."God, whatever it takes for me to walk...all of the stretching and discomfort...help me to quit fighting the things you have set in motion in my life to help me to grow.."

Have a blessed day, friends

Cohen Reid!

2007-08-15T11:30:00.000-07:00

Cohen's new (and FINAL! I promise) website is up and running... you can leave comments on the blog and on individual pics..let us know what you think! You can get to the site, by clicking on "Cohen Reid!" on the right column of this blog

it is Story Time, friends

2007-08-11T12:34:00.000-07:00

One time a number of years ago when I will still playing road manager to my lovely sister Beth, I told her "you know what? I am having a really bad day....week...month...year...whatever" She burst out into laughter and eventually I followed suit and had to snicker at my own dramaticism.

I should have reserved that exhange (perhaps minus the laughter) for this week.

I cannot get into what is so 'really bad' but I will ask you to pray for us. And since I can't get into it no matter how much I would love to save myself the cost of therapy and just vomit it all out in colorful words on this blog, I said to myself.. "self, how about some story time?"

I mean, who doens't love story time? I was just reminiscing a few nights ago at our fire pit about the Moon Dog stories my uncle Mike used to tell my cousins and I when we were growing up... my cousins' house was an old, comfy farmhouse that seemed to always be filled with the smells of Aunt Deb's baking and the sounds of adventure and wrestling that three young boys can bring...Aaron and I loved to play there. (and by that, I mean, Aunt Deb would let us play runaway all day out in the barn without one of the lectures my mom would have given us about suffocating in our straw forts! *grin*) But something happened to the warm and cheerful atmosphere of the farm once dusk hit. The big picture window adjacent to the wood fireplace had no blinds, and as the fire crackled we watched as the branches of the old oak tree whipped in the wind and made a frightening rapping noise on it. All four of the boys and I would drag blankets out and snuggle up on the floor and with only the light of the fire on his face, Uncle Mike would tell us his made up stories about Moon Dog.

A history teacher by trade, Uncle Mike was a master story crafter. If he ever decides to record them...all I have to say is, watch out Mr. Potter. (*grin*)

We had another kind of 'story time' here Thursday evening...because of my really bad day/week/month/year situation a few of my favorite Seattle ladies (you know who you are and you know I love you) decided to bring dinner to my house and help me do some packing. My brother Ben had flown in hte Saturday before to also help with the latter and my sweet Mama flew in Tuesday night in accordance with her role as Best Mom EVER. So, before getting to the work of bubble-wrapping all of the glass in my house (the thing I hate most about moving) we all sat down in the living room to eat. The dinner was wonderful and I was so glad to see my friends and have a small, but important fraction of my amazing family meet several of those dearest to me here. There was a little chit chat before the Best Mom EVER broke out into some stories.

I keep telling her she needs to write a book... not in quite the same realm as the Moon Dog Chronicles...maybe something more like Anne Lamott would write if she had been the 7th of 8 loud and opinionated German preacher's kids, worked in a group home, housed over 40+ foster kids, legally adopted two sons and not-so-officially adopted numerous of her childrens friends along the way, and was currently raising a 3 and 5 year old at the age of 50.

Mama has true (and often very funny) tales to tell. My soon to be sister in law, Beck, thinks Mama's house could be the setting for one of those crazy reality Tv shows (in her words, "Tina, people would pay to watch this"), but I am sticking with the whole book thing...

ANYWAY (looks who is windy when life is chaotic...wait. I am always windy, aren't !?)... Mama recently said that the youngest of our clan, Josh, seamlessly houses the obscene and the profound. And it is with that statement that this super-duper-too-long introduction transitions into the actual stories...(which, I am sure will be much shorter)

Joe (5) and Josh (3) have been living with my parents for about two and a half years now and they are so dang cute that I am pretty darn sure you'd want to eat them if you ever had the pleasure of making their acquaintance. My soon to be brother in law, Shane, calls them his "choc-nillas" which may not be the most politically correct way to categorize their ethnicity, but I love it. They are half brothers but its sometimes hard to believe they share even one strand of DNA. Joe is tall and willowy...dark complected with almost black hair and brown eyes so vulnerable and deep you could drown in them. Quiet and hesitant, he feels more like the younger brother that he isn't. Josh is a wild child...charming and loud and unpredictable. His chubby face is framed by almost-blond curls and his green eyes dance with mischief.

My two favorite characters.

Now for a few of my favorite stories involving my two favorite characters.

JESUS IS THE REAL KING!

Joe and Josh spend about one day every week or every two weeks with their biological mom...she's not a bad person, but she is crazy. (let's just be honest) So while the rest of us on the planet realize that WWF wrestling is not really appropriate for a 3 and 5 year old (and perhaps everyone else too!), she seems oblivious.

My mom would call me frequently after the boys had returned to her home following a bio mom visit and complain about the influences of WWF in their little lives...body slamming and take downs were beginning to be an hourly event..not to mention she had taken worms out of Josh's mouth on several occasions while he was pretending to be "The Undertaker". ugh. My poor Mama learned more about the characters of WWF than I am sure she ever thought possible.

In the car one day as Mama was driving, she heard the boys in the backseat discussing "The King". A short inquiry resulted in her understanding that "The King" was in fact an arrogant wrestling character. She had finally had it! In a moment of parental genuis (that I can only hope I inherited) Mom began to talk to the boys about Jesus...

[now, I should mention that Joe and Josh LOVE Jesus...they wake up every morning asking "is this church-day?"]

"There is only ONE King, did you boys know that? Who is the wrestler that he is pretending to be the King?!?! How big is he?" The boys responded "big" with emphasis. "Well Jesus is bigger...bigger than even the earth!" (Now she had their attention) "That wrestler is not the King, boys,...there is only ONE King and its Jesus. Do you know why? Because He is so Big and Strong that He body slammed the devil" Well she had said the magic words...the boys each stared out their resepective windows, gazing outside with dreamy thoughts about a King bigger than the earth, taller than the sky body slamming a little red devil.

Mom was just about to pat herself on the back for her quick wit and excellent parenting skills when they pulled up to the house. The boys jumped out of the car and into the yard..Josh grabbed Joe and body slammed him just before flexing and yelling, "I AM JESUS! AND JESUS IS THE REAL KING!"

THE PRAYER

Like I said in the above story, the boys still have somewhat regular visits with their bio mom. Besides being crazy, she also has a potty mouth. So, almost as soon as they began talking, my parents began living with the most beautiful, cussing toddlers you have ever seen. Luckily, both boys had speech impediments so the cussing was not always recognizable to everyone else.

At first, Mom tried not to over-react and instead redirect the conversation. When Joe called Mom a b****, she would say "Joe, are you calling mommy a peach? Well...then you are an orange!" When Josh slipped a**hole into a sentence, she would say, "Apple? No, how about we get some pears" The boys would giggle and in a minute be calling each other names of fruits, not distinguishing fruit-name-calling from cussing insults. Smart, isn't she?

This worked when the boys were younger and when they were just parroting words, but the older they got and the more their speech imporved, the harder it became to direct them. When they began using the words correctly and in context, Mom had to resort to making the time-out chair their second home. This worked for Joe, but Josh is a little more stubborn...I had never seen a two year old who would do a an hour long time-out happily rather than saying "I am not the boss" until I met the likes of JOsh.

So eventually Mom decided to try to reason with Josh. Banking on his love for Jesus, Mom explained how it made Jesus sad when he said those words. Much to her surprise, it started to work.

One night about a week later, she was tucking the boys in. She prayed for Joe and when she started to pray for Josh, he said "I pray myself mom". Delighted at his initiative, she listened to his little dutchy voice...

"Dear Dod, peese help me be a dood boy..help me not say bad words.." Mom smiled to herself, not at all suspecting that what would soon follow those sweet words was going to be a list of all of the bad words he was not wanting to keep saying!

I asked her how she didn't crack up laughing while this sincere 3 year old listed off all the "cusswords" (in quotes since he listed 'shut up' too!) he knew in his very first prayer. Her answer? "Just as soon as he finished, I told him Mommy had to pee and I ran into the bathroom and exploded in laughter and the composed myself for their good-night kisses!"

TWEEKLE, TWEEKLE....

Our Pastor's wife says my parents are going to have to pray the cuss out of them and she's probably right. Despite his prayer, when the boys know they have to go home to see bio mom, the cuss seems to come right back out. Mama says she thinks that drive from Logan Co. to Springfield has become a space where the boys mentally prepare themselves to re-enter the ghetto...the world of their mom...

Beth and Shane were recently the ones entering into these dangerous space with the boys. Beth drove and Shane opted to make a seat in the back between the two choc-nillas and their carseats. To keep the transition from being to rough, Shane got the boys singing. They just sang and sang their hearts out. It ddn't take them long to go through all of their favorite church songs, "Beshy song", "Sawn Donald" songs, and "Shane-Shane" songs, and even "Toby MAC" songs and soon they were left to singing the regular kid songs. At one point, Josh suggested "twinkle, twinkle little star" and when he sang it a little more like "tweekle, tweekle dittle dar", Shane was overcome with his cuteness and decided to call his 68 year old mother to share the moment.

Now, I should say that Shane's mother is very sweet, conservative...and well, 68. And I should also say Shane (or at least Beth!) should have known better than to give that kid a phone during the transition drive...but, that's exactly what they did.

Shane called, told his mom joshy had something to sing for her, and handed him the phone, and prompted him to sing "twinkle, twinkle" again.

Josh smiled and ornery smiled, grabbed the phone, turned toward the window and promptly sang with all of his might "tweekle, tweekle little B****!"

I am sure Shane was able to convince his mom Josh was singing "twinkle, twinkle little peach"...too bad that whole speech impediment is clearing up....

WATER BAPTISM:

I know I keep telling you how the boys love Jesus and going to church...and they do. When I was home in late May, they wanted to worship for me. Mom put in the pre-release of Shane and Shane's newest album (in stores Aug 22) "Pages". Joe was quick to request his favorite song..."Mommy, LOVE YOU JESUS! LOVE YOU JESUS! PEEEEES!" They both ran to get chairs from the kitchen and placing them in the living room, they stood on them as the music began. They sang their little hearts out, pretending to hold mics...they knew every word. Neither one of them can hold a tune in a bucket and the longer the song goes, the louder the 'sing' until the 'singing' is more like 'screaming'. Once Mom tried to get them to realize this, but Josh quickly retored with "Beshy (Beth) screams too, Mommy" and from that moment on, the issue was settled. I watched them dancing and singing with their ball caps on backwards and I am pretty darn sure angels everywhere stopped whatever they were doing to listen in....

You should see them at church!...

One afternoon some time ago Mom couldn't find the boys..this is always cause for alarm, even though their hiding is usually benign (once Mom found JOsh hiding in a dark closet, drinking Hereys syrup!) After looking outside this particular day, she started to worry. When she heard water running in the master bath, her worry moved inot panic. Running in, she found JOe holding Josh's head under the water! She screamed and both boys jumped up to their feet, soaking wet and fully clothed.

"Joe! Don't hold you brother's head under water! You could hurt him!" Her adrenaline was pumping and too little boys were about to get the talking-to of their lives when Josh spoke up.

"Its o-day (ok) Mommy...he dust batizing me!"

Realizing that baptisms had taken place the Sunday before, she decided rather than scolding them too harshly she would explain that Mommys always have to present for baptisms.... you knew that rule, didn't you? *grin*

DAT DUPID ["that's stupid"]:

Mom is still using the Bible story book that she used to read to Aaron and I years ago... every night before the boys go to bed, Mom and/or Dad read them a Bible story. So the last time they went to the Library, Joe wanted to get out a "Jesus book". Mom found one about the resurrection and for a week, it was the only book they read.

When it was time for them to visit their bio mom, Beth was the one to drive them there. At 45 minutes, its a pretty long drive for two little boys so keeping them occupied is always a task. Beth was talking with them after they had finished singing a medley of their favorite songs (minus the cuss words this time!). Joe wanted to talk about Jesus' death and how he rose again. So the three of them recounted the story...somehow, instead of being crucified, Josh was convinced Jesus had gotten shot.

Trying to get things back on track, Beth said emphasized that Jesus was strong enough to not yet killed, but that He had allowed Himself to be killed for the sake of everyone else. "Who did Jesus die for?" she asked, seeing if the message had gotten through.. Josh was quick to answer, "us". "And who does Jesus love, Joe?" "Us," Joe answered softly. There was a moment of silence...and then Josh spoke again...

"Dat Dupid, Beshy" She had to ask him to say it again to be sure that was what he had said and again he repeated a very clear and slightly louder, "DAT DUPID!"

So there you have it...even a 3 year old (a bright 3 year old, but 3 year old none the less) has to grapple with the seeming ridiculous nature of grace...I wonder if he was looking at himself and Joe and thinking 'Someone who didn't have to die, would die for us?!?!'

I have to admit I have had the same thought when considering the generous heart of God...

I WILL FINALLY BE AT HOME

My mom and soon-to-be sister in law saw a race car bed by the road someone was selling. Knowing the boys would love it, they stopped to inquire about the price. Mom soon realized the man who answered the door was someone she had gone to High School with...they chatted a little while about the bed and then about life. It was then that the man told my mom his wife (someone my mom had also known) was passed away from breast cancer the day before. Suddenly, Mom realized the living room had a hospital bed...and she felt sick. "I am so sorry, " she offered, "I didn't know. I never would have stopped in... Is anyone bringing you dinner tonight?" No one was, so she insisted on doing it.''

She and Becky left and went into town to buy grocceries and afterward picked up the boys from preschool. On the car ride home, Mom asked them if they would like to help make dinner, knowing eliciting their help was the only sure way to get the dinner made in time. She then went on to explain to them why they were making dinner for this family, "a little boy and girl and their daddy are very sad." "why?" they wanted to know, "Why are they sad Mommy?" "well, they are sad because their Mommy died. The good part is that she was friends with Jesus, so she went to heaven to be with Him, but it is still sad for her family because they won't get to see her anymore."

THe boys stared at the windows of the car, taking it all in. In a moment of profoundness, Joshy said "Someday when I die I am going to be with Jesus too and He is going to hold me in his arms, and then I will finally be Home."

Mom said looking at that little boy in the backseat, who is always bouncing back and forth between her, stable home and his bio mom's crazy world, it seemed so obvious that he would profoundly understand this concept.

Like every great moment, it lasted only a split second.... Joe was the one to bring it to a close when he announced that he wanted Jonah to hold him cause he "likes Jonah the best."

Like I said....the obscene and the profound. In a few short weeks, the stories will no longer be being relayed to me as I will be there (Home, Sweet Home!) to experience them myself.. I guess that means we will be having Story Time again sooner than later.

God Bless..keep us in your prayers...

Oh and by the way, laughter truly is good like medicine.

3 month photos

2007-08-03T22:36:00.000-07:00

We can't believe our little Cohen Reid is already 3 months old! Time flies, I am telling you...time flies. We brought him home weighing only 4lbs 10oz and now he weighs 13lbs! He was 16 inches long and now he's 23! I finally boxed up the clothes he has outgrown and I had my first really 'mommy moment' (I cried)..

Anyway, we finally did some photos...I mean, I take his pic nearly everyday, but this time we picked outfits and Shawn played photographer with his professional camera... he only cooperated for one outfit and a short amount of time, but we got some fun ones.

Enjoy!

mommy's little 'bug'

"I reach for everything now!"

the most infectious smile

the more common, half smile

how he really felt about the 'photo shoot' progressing beyond a few quick shots

a few more!

2007-08-03T22:22:00.000-07:00

Check out our future golfer! Shawn bought this outfit for Cohen before he was born (he was so sure it was a boy!) The day we went to the baby gap (I know, super yuppy but it was the one time we've gone so give us some credit *grin*) and he bought that outfit, he was so happy picking out that little hat, I prayed that God was giving us a boy! Shawn was so excited...he spent nearly 40 minutes putting the outfit together.... ahh....fun memories. Anyway, we have been dying for Cohen to fit into it and since he was preemie, it has taken awhile... But here you go..3 month photo shoot part 2. (we wanted a few 'costume changes' but Cohen was slightly 'uncooperative')

Mt. Too Cool

this is what we call "the game face"

smilin' for mommy

just relaxing in the hammock...this is a new favorite past time...but usually daddy is relaxing with him and he likes it much better that way, he was sure to let us know!

flexin'...he may be little, but he's still tough!

I am who I say I am..

2007-08-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

My dear sweet regular readers, don't mind these next two posts...I mean you can enjoy these personal vintage photos, but don't worry about why I am posting them.

Those of you who needed to be sure, here you go:

Here's me holding Beth when she was an infant:

Aaron, Beth and I as kids:

Beth and I at a park (what was my mom thinking perming that hair!??!)

BEth and I singing before she was a 'recording artist' *grin* (she might hate me for posting this one!)

I am who I say I am..part 2

2007-08-02T15:50:00.000-07:00

Beth and I being church camp counselors a few years ago:

Aaron, Beth and I at the Dreamer MOvie premier:

Beth and I before my wedding:

Beth holding Cohen our first day home from the hospital:

my son Cohen:

I love this little man!

2007-07-30T17:50:00.000-07:00

"you don't know how old you are"

2007-07-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

I think I talked with my mom yesterday about six times. Seriously.

THe strangest part? That's not even abnormal for us! We are both contending with little ones so what could be one semi-long convo easily becomes a series of abruptly ending (although not finished) conversations.

"sorry, babe. I need to get off the phone. Joshy is scaling up the railings on the front porch. Call you right back!" She calls back minutes later after filling me in on how she just saved his daring three year old butt from plunging eight feet into a certainty of broken bones. The explanation is followed by her picking up wherever she had let off..

then Cohen wakes and is screaming.. "Mom, can I call you back after I nurse Cohen?"

"Sure, sweetie. I need to get dinner on anyway..call me later."

I nurse my ferocious infant and call back, all the while, trying to remember exactly where we had stopped an hour ago. (I am not as practiced at this life-with-kids constant interuption as she is! *grin*) I have to call three tmes to get her because she forgot to turn up the volume on her phone or left it in her purse or just 'hates technology'. By this time its evening and Joe and Josh are in bed, although not asleep...I am bouncing Cohen on my hip and walking around the house so he won't get fussy and start screaming. We pick up the same conversation for about the third time since 10am. WE get a little further this time before Cohen explodes and I have to get off the phone to clean orange goo off the both of us. I call back and Joe is now awake telling Mom he can't go to sleep because he is having nightmares...I can hear her explaining to him that nightmares happen when you are asleep and are not things that keep you from sleeping...(he's always thnking up some reason to not go to bed!)

Its usually by this time... the last call of the night..that Mom says something really profound. Last night she repeated something she heard her Pastor say...

"You don't know how old you are. I mean, Kate, I could be really young if I live until I am 90...but who knows? Maybe I will get sick and die in a year...and then I would be really old. You know?"

My sweet, amazing, wonderful younger sister recently got engaged to someone a bit older than she is and for some people, the age gap is 'weird'. I won't say much about it other than this (get ready, its my 'official statement' *grin*):

I love Shane. I love Beth. THey love God more than each other and each other more than anyone else. I have ALWAYS known Beth to do the thing she really believes is God-ordained no matter how difficult or how much other people don't understand. SO, I trust that their upcoming union truly is from God and I couldn't be happier for the both of them.

Anyway, the reason I bring it up is that is was the context of Mom's words.... and although I think her point was possibly the best I have heard on the whole 'age i just a number' debate, it really hit me in a different way.

I start thinking about our life here....Shawn and Cohen and I's. I started thinking about how I just plug on day after day, assuming we are young...that I am young...not considering that I don't know how long we have.

..or how old we are.

So this morning, I am opting to start thinking about my life in a new light...to not just assume I can put off important things because "I have time"...I am reminded of a verse in one of the first chapters of Proverbs that says "don't put off until tomorrow the good thing you can do today".

God put something in my heart a couple of days ago... to write a letter to someone I love...someone who has been a main character in my life...someone who has influenced and encouraged me in a way few have... someone, who in recent days, has become awkwardly distant.

And instead of having good intentions, I am going to write that letter. Today.

Rich Mullins once wrote in a song "Live like you'll die tomorrow/Die knowing you'll live forever/Live right"

Good words for someone who doesn't know (truly) how old they are.

being still

2007-07-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

I decided the other day that I am going to get back to blogging. Cohen is starting to almost sleep through the night and we are coming out of the "new baby fog" and its just high time I get back to something 'normal'. I think I am going to commit to blogging everyday - no matter what!- for at least a month. I keep experimenting with new blogs and its not easy friends! I love my .mac account, but currently its not publihsing new info and it says it has an "idenitfied publishing error"..so who knows! Its frustrating...that's about all I can gather from the situation. Until I finally make myself visit a mac "genuis", expect to be finding my daily blogs here.

Cohen is sucking on his fist and happily swinging in his very cushy baby papasan cradle swing... the dogs are drying off in their crates downstairs (they got caught in the rain outside while I was showering! oops!)..and I have a few minute to spare before Eduardo gets here to give me an estimate on some work.

No one tells you this, but breastfeeding is a full time job. Cohen has gone from 4lbs 10oz to over 13lbs in just 3 months! And let me assure you...that didn't happen on a part time schedule! So everyday, every threee or so hours, I find myself sequestered on the couch, subject to his appetite for often over a half an hour. Maybe that doesn't seem like much to you, but if you do the math its over 4hrs a day.

I know, I know...that;s techincally part time... if you are thinking that, then you have never nursed. I won't get any further into why four hours is really eight for the sake of propriety so you;ll just have to trust me on that one.

When Cohen was about a month old, I ran into a sweet lady who has been a friend of the family for awhile. She's one of those really sincere types that you sometimes find staring into your eyes a little too long after an intense question. She said, "Oh, don't you just love nursing? I mean, the baby needs you more now than he ever will again...ahh....(looking dreamy) I can still remember how much I loved having to be still and just watching my babies..." she trailed off and tears were in her eyes.

If she hadn't been so stinkin' geniune and all teared up, I think I would have said, "don;t you get it? HAVING to be still all that time is the problem!" or maybe I would have just smacked her. Who knows.

But instead, I just smiled, tried to gaze lovingly at Cohen so as to convince her I am still I good Mama despite the fact that I didn't share her mushy feelings on the subject.

Still don't.

We get settled in for nursing... the pillows just right, Cohen positioned comfortably, etc... and the minute he latches on and I realize I am not moving for awhile, my brain gets bombared with a million things I need to do. I look around at the house and start thinking about the dishes and the kitchen floor needing to be mopped and how much I still have to pack up.

Then I look at Cohen. He has his eyes closed. Sometimes I think if he'd ever nurse with his eyes open, I might be more prone to watching him. I try anyway....

tick, tock, tick, tock

...I try some more. I watch his little jaw chomping away. I start thinking about how much he looks like Shawn...then I start thinking about Shawn...he's coming home tomorrow night...I want the house to be together....I want him to see I ahve done some packing...ahh! I need to do some packing! I need to plan! How many more days do we have to pack??!?!

Cohen looks like he is sleeping so I carefully move from the couch to the computer. I click on our calendar so I can count the days left and begin to plan something out in my mind (to stay occupied). The minute I sit down in front of the computer, Cohen starts to cry.

Its like clockwork. It happens every time...still, I try. I try repositioning him. I try stroking his cheek. I try singing to him.

It doens't work.

We move back to the couch and he instantly closes his eyes, settle down and resumes nursing.

He knows. He is only 3 months old (today, actually) and he knows. He knows when he has me still and focused on him and he knows when I attempt to two-time him with a task.

Sometimes I know God must feel the same way with silly old nervous me. I hate being still. I like busyness even if its just in my mind....oh...Its a good thing God is patient in teaching us the same things over and over and over and over....(you get the idea).

At least this time, the 'tool' he's using to teach me is so dang adorable I almost don't mind the lessons!

Who do I look like? Daddy or Mommy?

2007-07-28T14:50:00.000-07:00

daddy

cohen

mommy

Saturdate

2007-07-10T14:26:00.000-07:00

I wanted to throw up a quick post here....

If you live in OK or nearby... Shawn and I are going to be a part of a conference on the 20-21st of this month....we feel very honored to take part in Saturdate (www.saturdate.org) alongside lead worshipper Charlie Hall and many other musicians and speakers. The conference is being put on by Studio 7...headed by a couple that I have been nothing but impressed by since I met! They love God and really want to serve the 20-somethings in their area.

SO if you fit that category...anyone from just out of high school to those who are (or who still feel like! *grin*) a 20-something...please visit the website and attend the conference if you can! The cost is low for the weekend $35 and I really believe if you can make it, it will bless you and you will hear from God. The staff has been fasting in preparation.... it is a very dedicated bunch of people who know God has something to communicate through these couple of days...

I am doing a little speaking (pray for me! I haven't had the opportunity to do this kind of thing since I got married!) on Saturday and Shawn will be singing that night... We would love to see you there!

Kate

oh, how quickly things change!

2007-07-04T12:17:00.000-07:00

Bath time at 4 days old and bath time at 9 weeks... I can't believe how big my hand looked next to his body! Now not even his whole head will fit into my hand... His little 'surfer tan' (aka jaundice) is gone too and now his pink like a little one should be...

still screaming.... but now its much louder! And his lungs aren't the only things that have grown..check out those thighs! *grin* He went from weighing 4lbs 10 oz (can you see that on the scale?) to over 10! Hey what can we say?!?! Milk...does a body good!

4 dogs and a baby

2007-06-20T20:56:00.000-07:00

"Four dogs and a baby", of course, is the answer to the question: why hasn't Kate been doing much blogging these days? The only reason I even have enough time to write this post is because we have finally hit that "sweet hour" of the evening... everyone is asleep!

Jett is sprawled out on the couch, Sawyer is lounging on the ottoman, Tucker is curled up in a ball on the loveseat, Piper made a bed on the papasan chair under a throw blanket, and Cohen wrapped up like a burrito in his swing.

ahh,...the sound of silence...what a relief.

I am more tired than I knew possible and also more fulfilled than ever. Its a beautiful, hard, exhausting season of life full of cooing and every type of newness imaginable! Cohen is growing like crazy and I am enamored with him. He looks more like a mixture of us both now and everyday he looks more and more like himself..undefined by comments like "he has mommy's nose" or "look at that mcdonald chin!" He is also AMAZINGLY strong...he has rolled over three times, he can push his head and shoulders up off the couch when we lay him on his tummy...and SERIOUSLY, he can support his own weight for about a second with very little help from dad..and he is only 7 weeks old! IF he had been born on time, he would only be 3 weeks...its WILD. My family thought we were making it up, but now everyone has seen him do it..we are going to have to get it on video since its so hard to imagine...

Anyway, there is no doubt we are in for it when he starts..crawling..or walking or climbing..whatever comes first!

My brother Aaron and his soon-to-be-wife are in town visiting, so I don't want to be on here long...More later

last pics, i promise!

2007-06-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

'sleeping handsome' just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it?

smiling in response for one of the first times

he is changing so fast!

workin' it out..no reason to go in depth about what 'it' is

he now actually has some kissable chub!

a few more!

2007-06-20T20:47:00.001-07:00

cohen isn't crying, daddy is looking...'special'

now daddy looks normal and cohen takes over the 'special' category

a few new pics of my little man!

2007-06-20T20:34:00.000-07:00

sucking his thumb, which he has been consistently finding since week 2!

first plane ride, complete with neck pillow

uncle josh picked out this 'dockdile' outfit *grin*

everyone held back the tears when sweet little joe kissed cohen and said 'i love you so much "tohen"'

proud grandpa with a finally not crying cohen

grace

2007-05-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

I left the house today without my son for only the second time since he was born. I had to run to UPS and get my CCM mail, pick up some fruit and veggies at the store, and the stop by the gym to renew my membership. I handed Cohen to Shawn, who was awake by still in bed. "He's fed and clean, just really awake and wanting to be held," I offered as I laid him down next to his dad. Shawn pulled him close. Cohen kept kicking and cooing. (code for gas and happiness) "I won't be long," I said, "maybe 40 minutes." Shawn nodded, "Go babe..its fine." Before I made it out the bedroom door, I had almost decided to take him with me. "I can take him, if you want...?" "Its fine, go," Shawn repeated.

So I went. I felt free as a bird for the first 30 seconds. Then I realized I already missed Cohen. I hoped out loud he wasn't crying and then in the back of my mind hoped he was desperately missing me. WIth motherhood come some very complicated emotions.

I turned the radio on and up. (sometime my own thoughts are louder than I want!) The other day I told Shawn, "hey now that I am a mom, I only have to wait until Cohen starts playing soccer and then I can start listening to Christian radio!" Shawn shot back, "like you don't already..." I laughed. Every time I get in the car, I flip on the local station...its true. We know lots of the DJs so I like to listen for people I know and I am always curious if any new music is actually getting played. It seldom is, so I listen through the old staples from my childhood...DC Talk, Steven Curtis Chapman and inevtiably, "Flood" by Jars of Clay.

(I should state that in the music industry, its commonly known that all Christian radio is geared at a certain audience often called "Becky"...the audience is conservative soccer moms in their 30s..and for some reason, radio peeps think that 30 year old soccer moms don't like new or progressive music, which is why you don't hear much new or progressive music on the radio. I, however, think radio underestimates the listener...my own soccer mom, who is approaching 50, likes very cool music like U2, Dave Matthews, John Mayer and would love to hear some of the great new Christian music as well...anyway..tangent)

So I turned the radio on and up. They played a clip of the new "encouraging" music the station is known for...Steven, a song from Nichole Nordeman's first album, and Jars of Clay. I smiled to myself. Typical. The drive from our house to the UPS/groccery store is only a few miles. I turned in just as the music began again. It was a song that I have heard a million times now and grown tired of called "grace". I was just about to sigh in that why-don't-they-ever-play-new-music-like-beth-or-shawn-on-here kind of way when a man standing just outside the Safeway caught my attention.

His overweight frame was slightly slumped to one side. His clothes were dirty enough that it looked like they could "get up and walk away on their own" as my mom would say. Cars were backed up waiting for parking spaces affording me enough time to really look. His turned his face toward me. It was worn and dirty bearing the marks of a harder than life. His left eye was permanently fixed toward the ground and he was holding a sign that read simply "homeless pleas help".

That misspelled 'pleas' tugged on my heart. I don't know why. I mean, we live in Seattle. I see homeless people all the time...at many intersections, at the park, holding their signs and wearing their filthy clothes. I often try as hard as possible not to look...sometimes because they scare me and other times because I remember that I once heard some homeless people like being that way and actually make good money begging, and still other times because I believe there is a serious unfixable, flaw in the system that lets crazy, unstable people walk the streets.

But this time, as I looked, that song I no longer like sang the first line of its chorus over the situation: "there's only grace" and I felt my heart soften. I felt a tug in my heart to give the man some money. As I parked, I thought about it. I decided I would get $20 cash back after I purchased my grocceries and I would look him in the eye, and say something meaningful about Jesus to him too. I ran over some lines in my mind as I walked in and decided I should get him some hot food from the deli as well.

So I shopped quickly, filling my cart with all the fruits I had been craving, and got in line. When the girl asked me if I wanted cash back, I suddenly realized I had forgotten to get that hot food and had almost forgot the $20 too. I said yes, feeling ashamed, as if she knew that while thinking about my own belly I had forgotten to think about the obviously mental homeless guy out front.

I got my $20 and my paper groccery bags and looked outside. I didn't see him. I looked around a little more, practicing my words for him in my head. Still didn't see him. I went to my car and loaded the grocceries and got in. HE couldn't have gotten far, I thought to myself, and began driving around. I drove around the parking lot...not there. I crossed the street and drove around the Petco parking lot...not there either. I drove up and down the street...hmm...It occurred to me that maybe God wanted me to look for him and then tell him "I saw you earlier and was moved by you and wanted to find you to give you this. God loves you." That seemed right, so I kept driving. After I had exhausted the spots I know homeless people to usually hang out at, I started for home with my $20 bill in my lap.

I decided my baby was probably screaming his head off for me by this point (he wasn't) and I would have to do my other errands later. I turned the radio off and drove in silence. I felt disappointed. I saw Starbucks on the corner and decided to do the drive thru. I ordered Shawn his regular drink, patted myself on the back for being a nice wife, and sat in the line thinking about how I was using that homeless guy's $20 bill to buy coffee and felt guilty and then wondered why.

The line was long, as it can be around lunch time at Starbucks. I sat there, alone with my thoughts. I asked myself where the disappointment and guilt were coming from... my first knee-jerk reaction was that the disappointment was rooted in care for the man or maybe even God (didn't we all learn in Sunday School that the right answer is usually "God"? esp when you don't know the answer?) or better, both...and the guilt stemmed from having such a martyr heart.

Isn't it funny how we like to delude ourselves about who we really are? Sometimes at this point in my conversation with myself, I just turn the radio back up, satisified with a fakey answer, and go on with my day. Other times, I feel more honest. Today was an honest day.

I dug deeper...true, I did care about the man and God...but mixed in there too was a big helping of wanting to feel good about myself. I mean, who I am kidding? Somewhere between the pineapple and the baby spinach, I had forgotten entirely about the man! If the cashier girl hadn't asked, "did you want cash back?" I probably wouldn't have thought one more second about him or my good intentions.

Maybe it was a huge helping of wanting to feel good about myself mixed in with a little care about God and the homeless man with the lazy eye. And as for guilt, well I am no martyr. I felt guilty because deep down I knew about that self-centeredness all along.

I thought about that song..."there's only grace/ there's only love/ there's only mercy and believing its enough"...I don't know if I had ever listened to the words before even though I could have sung along if I had wanted to.

I would love to have pure intentions...motivation from God that isn't all tangled up in my human condition...but I do believe His grace is sufficient...enough for even this selfish, prideful, at times-self agrandizing new mom. And for that, on this rainy morning, I am deeply thankful.

orange poop and other discoveries

2007-05-11T20:03:00.000-07:00

click on the pic below to read the latest blog: (yes, that's cohen and his first diaper blow out!)

Cohen Reid McDonald

2007-04-30T17:25:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

Well things never happen as planned and babies are no exception to the
rule we found out yesterday afternoon!

I woke Sunday morning to very sharp contractions. Within a half hour,
I knew these ones were different than the ones I had 2 weeks prior.
Shawn was in New Jersey and I called him immediately and started
trying to get some plans for him 'just in case'. I left for the
hospital around 8:30...and when I came they checked me and I was at
the same place I had been since my last regular visit. I was suprised
because I felt sure something more was happening. They nurse left and
soon after I was in labor...mom called and I couldn't even talk to her
on the phone the contractions were so intense and close. When they
checked me again just before 11:00 I had quickly progressed to almost
7cm dilation and the water bag was bulging.

THEN everyone started moving! I was quickly admitted and taken to the
birthing room. I guess no one expects a first pregnancy to go like
this... THey put me right into the birthing massage jet
tub...alleluia! It was so nice. For the next couple of hours I was in
there...the contractions were very close and intense, but between the
jets and the awesome midwife and nurse and friend Tara, I felt like I
could handle it. The only time I asked for drugs (more like pleaded!)
was when the little guy was moving down past my pelvic bone...ouch!
But that did not last for too long..thankfully. And I got no
drugs...which I was glad for in the end. I had told them ahead of time
that I didn't really want them even if I begged. So after the worst of
the contractions was over, I had the overwhelming urge to push so the
midwife checked me and said, 'time to have a baby!' I was freaking
out! All of the sudden, I felt dread...like, 'can I do this?' and then
soon after 'i have to do this' kind of thoughts. I got out of the tub
and into the bed...on all fours..hands and knees...and started
pushing...the nurse was rubbing my back and the midwife was pushing
against my bottom so I could push back against her...and about 30
minutes and 5-6 hard, long pushes later, I was laying in the bed with
my baby on my chest.

Talk about surreal.

They handed him to me immediately and he started screaming. They cut
the chord and then told me, 'its a boy!' Shawn was on speaker phone so
he got to hear the first cry and Tara was video taping so when Shawn
got in last night at 11:00pm, he got to see the birth of his son.

We decided on the name Cohen Reid. Cohen is a Hebrew name associated
with the preisthood of Aaron and Reid is just a name we like that
sounds good with Cohen.

He is the tiniest baby I have ever seen...5.5lbs and 16.5 inches long
at first measurement. He is red like a little Indian and looks a lot
like his daddy. He definately as Shawn's lips and chin...we think he
has my shaped eyes and the nose is too swollen to tell...he has black
curly hair from God knows where (Shawn and I were both bald as cue
balls until 2yrs!)

They actually think he is a week younger than expected...BUT amazingly
he is doing great! He is eating like a champ and latching on really
well...his blood sugar and body temperature are being maintained
perfectly...and he is pooping and peeing almost constantly. These are
all unexpected things for a baby born 5 (or more) weeks early. The
nurse this afternoon said, 'he is acting so much older than he
is...his maturity is a miracle for his age and size' I just said
'THANK GOD' Usually babies like Cohen have to stay in the special
nursery for at least a week, but he is doing so well we are going to
be taking him home tonight or in the morning.

I am feeling really good...no tearing,..no soreness...I lucked out.
Its funny...the pain was so intense but then the minute they handed
him to me, I completely forgot it. Beth is here now with us and I took
a bath in the same tub I labored in yesterday and she asked if it made
me freaked out...I was like 'I can't even remember the pain' and its
so true! Its awesome...

The best thing for me is seeing Shawn with Cohen...as I type this they
are asleep together...Cohen is all cuddled up to daddy looking like a
glow worm (did anyone else have those dolls?) in his tight blankets
and little cap...and Shawn looks so happy. Its a thousand times better
than anything of the hard moments...and he's been alive less than 30
hours!

So that's our update...please pray Cohen keeps eating well and
growing...these pics are from yesterday...he already looks
different...will send more later.

Much love,
Kate

A message from Shawn:

Well the little Twerp has arrived and is melting Kate and my hearts
Already. I feel so blessed to have such a beautiful little Boy. Sorry
for the Mass email but time is something we are lacking right at the
moment. Hope you all enjoy the pictures and look forward to share this
beautiful new life with you all.

"Love like you've never been hurt, work like you don't need the money;
dance like no one is looking." ~Unknown

Cohen Reid McDonald
Born @ 1:28 Pm April 29th
5.5 Pounds
16 1/2 Inches

when you post on the new site...

2007-04-15T19:14:00.000-07:00

hey guys...when you post comments on the new site...please fill out the "url" section as well as your name...in there you want to put either you blog address or your myspace address.. like mine would be "www.katemcdonald.blogspot.com" or "www.myspace.com/katernmcdonald"

by filling out that section, i can click on your name next to your comment and go directly to a page where i can reach you...otherwise, its hard for me to comment back..

thanks!
kate

another day, another hospital visit

2007-04-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

click here to read the accompanying blog:

also for those of you doing the colossians study, the passage/info/questions is already up for tomorrow (visit the 'seek' page)

love, kate

new site up & running again

2007-04-14T15:37:00.001-07:00

sorry ot was down for a couple of days!

new blogs for you!

2007-04-11T12:50:00.000-07:00

to read "girl?"
click on the pic below:

to read more about the Colossians Bible study and "start your engines" click on the pic below:

to read my regular blogs, "it was the worst of times" & "it was the best of times" click on the pics below:

seek=find

2007-04-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

Hello friends!

If there is one thing I really believe is true, its that the Word of God has the potential to be a vein through which GOD HIMSELF can speak to the innermost parts of us, commune with us, and ultimately transform our lives. Why do I say “has the potential..”? Because I know and have known so many who immersed themselves in the Bible like it was a text book or merely a historical tool or far worse, like a piece of evidence in a trial to prove their theology. I had professors in college whose life work was to study those inspired pages between Genesis and Revelation, but never were inspired to know the God the pages pointed to! The Bible can either open people’s eyes to the reality of God as their Pursuer or it can puff there chest up with pride as they analyze and conjecture and debate...

The pastor at our church said on Easter something that is sticking to my insides... he said, “the power of salvation is in its great depth of breadth of transformation”.

That is what I want....what I need: transformation.

Proud to humble.
Self-centered to Kingdom focused.
Fearful to Courageous.
Greedy to Generous.
Unforgiving to Forgiving.
Angry to Peaceable.
Hearer of the Word to Doer of the Word.
Critical to Grace-full.
Dishonest to Truthful.
Punishing to Merciful.
Lustful to Pure Hearted.
Selfish to Loving.
Striving to Content.
Abrasive to Gentle.
Faint-hearted to Faithful.
Self-conscious to Known.

And if the Holy Spirit through the Word can accomplish those things in my life, and I believe He can, then why don’t I spend more time investing in quiet moments with Him?

Why? Because sometimes I am lazy...or distracted...afraid...or have I have just filled my life with too many other things...

I am going to keep a section my new website called 'seek' for anyone who would be interested in digging into the Word with me... I feel compelled to start with the book of Colossians. So I will start posting in this section a Bible study of sorts that you are all more than welcome to join. I am going to give it a few days so that people have the chance to find out about before getting behind...let’s start on April 16....next Monday. I will post a few verses each day until we are through the book....

Hope you come along.

Kate

*click on the pic below to go directly to the 'seek' page of my site:

photo albums!!!

2007-04-09T02:17:00.001-07:00

the photo albums on the new site are up & working...check them out! let me know if you have any problems

http://web.mac.com/shawnmcdonald/iWeb/katemcdonald/hello.html

beginning to feel a lot like easter & baby mac update

2007-04-08T13:31:00.000-07:00

click on the pics below to read "its beginning to feel a lot like easter""

click on the pic below to visit the baby update:

don't forget, i am keeping blogs at my new website:
http://web.mac.com/shawnmcdonald/iWeb/katemcdonald/hello.html
(if it doesn't open, try taking the "http://" off the front of the address, for some reason that helps some people)

the new website is going to eventually contain lot of photo albums, music, videos, and podcasts... please bookmark it if you have been a regular reader of my blog!

thanks & HAPPY EASTER!!!
kate

kate's website

2007-04-05T21:20:00.001-07:00

click on the pic below to visit my new site!

new site

2007-04-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

i am moving my blog to this site...

http://web.mac.com/shawnmcdonald/iWeb/katemcdonald/hello.html

please visit and let me know what you think!

the sight of blood (a baby update)

2007-04-05T11:33:00.000-07:00

have you ever watched an opening scene of law & order? you know, when the unsuspecting person(s) walks into a room and suddenly is faced with a dead body lying in a pool of blood? ever wonder how you would react?

i always do. yesterday i (kind of) got to find out.

i opened my eyes and stood up from the bed only to find myself, my husband, and my bed covered in bright, red blood. panic immediately took hold of me, as shawn and i looked at each other in disbelief. i ran into the bathroom.

i was peeing blood.

shawn wasn't far behind me. i don't remember what we said to each other as we tried to wake up to the serious situation we had found ourselves in and were trying to make sense of... i washed up, got dressed, and called the doctor. no one answered. i didn't even wait for shawn to finish dressing, i jumped into the car...the office is just down the street...they called back before i made it there and told me to go to the hospital. i called shawn and picked him up on my way downtown. traffic was heavy, shawn was trying talk normally to calm me down, i was freaking out inside. i knew something was really wrong.

we got to the hospital and went to the front desk. the lady couldn't find my name or my file...i felt like i was going to burst into tears. shawn started rubbing my back. finally she located it and they ushered us into a room, where i was instructed to put on a gown and not flush the toilet if i peed so they could look at the amount and color of the blood. the midwife came in first and told me that i might be heading for an emergency c-section in a few minutes if the baby was in distress...the nurse came in and strapped a fetal monitor to my stomach. they both watched the print out for a few minutes and then told me that the baby was getting plenty of oxygen and his/her little heart rate was within the normal range. i saw the relief on their faces...i felt my anxiety come down about 50%. the baby kicked hard against the monitor and moved to the other side of my stomach...it gave us all pause to laugh a little.

they took my blood pressure, which was insanely high (not surprisingly). the midwife started to explain the possible reasons for bleeding. "you could have a ruptured vein or polyp on your cervix...that would be least concerning, so i will have to do a vaginal exam. want to real that out first. the other possibility is that your fibroids may be bleeding..so i will look around at those while i am in their with the scope. the other, more likely, reason for the bleeding is a tear in your placenta. now, this can be a really bad situation... if the tear was more than 30%, the baby would be showing obvious distress, and we would be rushing you off to an emergency c-section right now...its obvious if you have a tear it is smaller than that. so we can relax now..."

she went on to ask me if i was having contractions. "no" i said. she looked at the print out again... "you really aren't feeling contractions?" "no" i said again. she proceeded to show me that i was, in fact, having decent sized contractions...which for some reason, i was not feeling. (perhaps that is a good sign about my pain tolerance? one can only hope!)

they started an IV...always fun...i have teeny, tiny veins and its always an adventure when i get stuck...the nurse did well and i tried not to look. shawn let me squeeze his hand pretty hard as he watched her work. luckily she got the vein to hold, although for a second blood was apparently squirting out of my arm. (glad i didn't look over)

the ran a bunch of tests on my blood, which all came back normal. the i had the wonderfully pleasant exam (please detect the sarcasm). it showed that my fibroids weren't bleeding and neither was my cervix. they took my blood pressure once again, and not it was back to normal. i went to the bathroom in my horrible hospital gown that had no back (why do they do that?!?!?) and carted the IV stand with me and when i was finished everyone had a good look. (hospitals are good for growing humility) the bleeding was slowing. the monitor said so were the contractions i had still yet to feel.

the midwife came back in. "you have a placental tear...a small one...its not the best news, but its much better than what we thought when you first came in."

she went on to tell me that they don't know what causes tearing and that although i am at risk to tear again, there is really nothing i can do to prevent it. its something with my body chemistry, not my activity level. which was a relief...i would have been horrified if they told my exercising caused it... so i finished what was in my IV and they sent me home.

i have to take it easy for a week or so while i pass the rest of the left over blood in my cervix. i have to watch closely for signs of pre-term labor, now that i am at a higher risk of having the baby early. if i start to bleed again, i have to call the ambulance to come and rush me to the hospital for an emergency c-section...but the more likely outcome is that i will just go into labor before 40 weeks. i guess as long as i can make it to week 37, they will consider the baby full term and just let me deliver him or her naturally.

the midwife reassured me that even if i had the baby now, it would certainly live...maybe have to stay in the hospital a week or so until it gained weight and could breathe on its own and breastfeed...but not a life threatening scenario.

so this morning as i am considering that i could be in the hospital recovering from a major surgery that i pray i don't ever have to have and my baby could be lying in a little bed, weighing less than 4lbs and hooked up to machines...i am just thanking Jesus for his protection! and i am so thankful that this happened to be the week shawn was home...i couldn't have gotten through yesterday nearly as well without his reassuring touch and his jokes once we knew everything was okay. it was great to see how strong he can be when i feel like i am falling apart. i had been a little worried about how he would do in the delivery room if i was emotional and weak (not normal states for me) but after yesterday i have every confidence in his ability to hold it together for us both...and to not pass out at the sight of blood! *grin*

please pray with us that my placenta (the baby's food, blood, and oxygen supply) wil stay attached to the uterine wall and not tear further...and pray that i won't go into labor until may, when shawn is home again.

thanks.

WAKING UP

2007-04-02T20:09:00.001-07:00

Bethany Dillon's 3rd album WAKING UP is in stores and on iTunes Tuesday April 3rd! Don't miss this amazing album!

some thoughts on grief

2007-04-01T13:33:00.002-07:00

(from March 28)

if you haven't seen 'reign over me', go.

i mean it. right now. quit reading this blog and find when and where its showing and buy yourself a ticket...the blog will wait.

ok? got plans? good.

shawn and i went and saw it tonight after some seriously amazing sushi thanks to our favorite sushi chef, mel. he never disappoints.

sometimes movies do, but not this one.

it was the perfect blend of touching moments that will have tears streaming down your face and spontaneous moments of laughter. don cheadle is as good as ever and adam sandler was surprisingly up to par. for once, the characters are good, moral men that you can love. it was worth the insane $18 we paid for our two seats.

one moment in the movie had me thinking about something beth said a few days earlier. a dear friend of ours suddenly lost his dad to a heart attack/blood clot in the brain combo on sunday. our friend had been on the road and beth flew in sunday just hours before they had to turn off the respirator. when i talked with her a few days later she said the hardest part was going back to the house, seeing his things lying where he had left them just a few days before, completely unaware that he would never return. family and friends came, they went through journals and clothing, and they cried. i thought about that 'hardest thing' as adam sandler recounted the ways his daughters had their hair cut and what they loved to do. and i cried.

i thought about the scenes from his house...with rooms cluttered with things covered in sheets he had never been able to go through. i looked at shawn, who was clutching my hand tightly, and saw he also was moved to tears.

we cuddled a little closer. i knew we were both thinking the same things....about our friend and his dad..about how unbelievable it seems that our parents will someday die... about the baby in my belly and how devastating it would be to bury a child.

death is a funny thing.
it doesn't seem real.
my mom said she read somewhere that it takes 7 years to grieve someone you were close to...

..i believe it.

a friend and i were talking on the phone yesterday and she was saying how she watches sappy movies so she can cry and grieve the disappointments in her life.

"we (as humans) just don't know how to grieve" we both agreed as the conversation drew to a close.

i thought about adam sandler, touched my belly, and cried a little more on my way home.

golden

2007-04-01T13:33:00.001-07:00

(from march 27)

yesterday was my golden day...26 on the 26th.

to tell you the truth it came and went somewhat uneventfully.

uneventful...but in the best of ways.

i woke up from a good night of hard sleep (a VERY rare event these days) in the living room of my parents' house on their white leather couch with my favorite worn-in white sheet just barely still draped over my ever-growing body.

i got a kiss on the forehead and a 'happy birthday' whispered in my ear.

a few moments later i heard two sets of footsteps running from out of the kitchen. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" rang out in the delightfully dutchy little voices of my favorite little boys. they handed me 'cards' covered in age appropriate stick people and blue glitter and then, once prompted, sang to me the best version of the happy birthday song i have ever heard.

i got up, sipped on coffee (just a tiny bit!) and had angel food cake and strawberries for breakfast... hey! it was my birthday!

i hung out with my mom and joe and josh most of the day until the others got home from school or work...(or in aaron's case, got up from bed) i took a two hour nap that felt nothing short of glorious...and when i woke up at 3, i took a long bath and just relaxed. we grilled out and i ate a ton of veggies. aaron offered to pick up a dairy queen ice cream cake in my honor, but i declined...mama has got to watch the sugar!

by 9pm i was in 'packing mode' not wanting to save the luggage ordeal for the early morning i was going to have...we had to leave at 4:45..and yes, that's A.M.

i packed and rearranged until i had made enough room for the new baby items from the shower and then i went to sleep.

i think i had too much delicious sleep the night before, because i slept little. mom took me to the airport and when she pulled away i felt like crying... miss my mom. can't wait to live closer...literally cannot wait!

my flight to minneapolis was routinemy ,flight from minneapolis was dreadful. because the fuel gage needed replaced we were 3 hours delayed. which was annoying enough...i was to get home around 10am and shawn would follow me by 4 hours. in my estimation, just enough time to get the house ready for his arrival and take the dogs out on a long walk so they wouldn't be driving us nuts. the 3 hour delay changed that a bit.

that was annoying...what was worse was that they boarded us only a half hour late, so the remainder of the 3 hours was spent sitting in a totally packed airplane on the tarmak (sp?) with no air and no water. did i mention i was in the back?

before we even took off i was so swollen i thought it might make me go crazy..you can imagine how the 4 hour flight felt. when i arrived, i could barely walk or bend my legs...and my ride home had since i had to go to work so i took a cab home...had all of 40 minutes to try to prop my feet up before shawn landed.

the funny thing was...i didn't even care because he was coming home! i had been almost 2 weeks since i had laid eyes on the one i love and i couldn't wait to see him! i pulled up and parked the car when i saw that red stubbled face surrounded by guitars and baggage. i momentarily forgot about my stupid flight and my tree trunk legs.

a beautiful bouquet of roses arrived shortly after we got home. he wanted to take me out. i felt like staying in. i felt like being cuddled. (while my feet were propped up, natually) i felt like just looking at his chiseled face. i felt like sitting quietly beside him. i felt like giggling and watching the bump together. i felt like having a good cry because it was so emotional to have him home. i felt like falling alseep early in his arms.

and i got it all.

golden.

"daty, see MY baby move!"

2007-04-01T13:32:00.000-07:00

from March 25)

i love being around joe and josh. every time i come home they look so much older and taller and have so much more of a vocabulary.

i got home late wedneday night and they were fast asleep. joe woke first the next morning and came out of his room running and asking. "where's you baby?!?!" i pointed to my belly and he looked both frightened and disappointed. (i sometimes have the same feeling when i look down! *grin*) he hid in mom's room for awhile and refused to touch it, although i assured him the baby was okay inside there and moving around.

we wondered if he thought i ate the baby. i didn't ask just in case he didn't have the thought and i would be introducing a horrible notion into his sweet little mind.

he went on drinking from a sippy cup and watching the little mermaid.

joshy (true to form) bounded up from sleep a little later and ran out of the room with the same question. he wasn't scared though and jumped right into my lap and started touching all over. the baby moved and positioned its little butt on the left side of my stomach. joshy felt it and his eyes widened. i told him what is was...

"da baby bupp?" he asked.
"yep, that's the baby's butt" i repeated.

he covered his pink little mouth with his brown little hand and giggled, hugged me, and jumped off my lap. a few minutes later he returned with dora the explorer stickers and started decorating the 'baby bupp' and the rest of my belly. when the whole sheet of stickers was gone, he flirted with me from the other room while he ate his cereal.

joe, not wanting to be outdone by his braver little brother, eventually touched the bump and the two of them cuddled with me on the very squished couch. joe wanted to lay behind me and hear stories about when he was a baby...i told him my favorite one: the time he puked into my shirt at church and we were sitting in the front row- he howled with laughter and joshy never took his little fingers off my belly. "i want a durl" he told me. they argued...joe wants a boy, joshy wants a girl. joe thinks we should name the baby joe and josh thinks we should name the baby piper. i tried to tell them those names were taken..by joe and my dog, respectively.

the watched the little mermaid. when it gets too scary (think ursella) joe leaves mom's bedroom and peers through the crack in the door with his nervous fist in his mouth until joshy yells from inside "its over, joe"

i love these little boys.

they tell me i can't go home. that shawn should come to their house.

i wish.

by monday both of them were walking around with baby dolls up their shirts. well, technically joe's baby was elmo...

joshy grabbed the feet of his baby that were sticking out down around his belly and moved it up and down, "look daty, MY baby moves!"

i asked him and he graciously pointed me to the "bupp" *grin*

angel food cake, babies & candy baby poop- shower time!

2007-04-01T13:31:00.000-07:00

(from March 25)

ahh...baby showers.... they are a time for laughter, cheesy games, and lots of advice... its a great time to be a woman. an even better time to be a pregnant woman!

i think i answered the same few questions over and over again:
"i feel pretty good...big, but good"
"no, i am not sleeping well now..."
"yes, i am ready to have this baby!"
"no, i don't really have a feeling about whether its a boy or a girl."
"not sure about names... i don't think we will name the baby until we see him/her"
"no, i am not having an epidural"
(usually quickly followed by) "no, i am not crazy"

on saturday morning, beth and i got up early, went and walked the track at the YMCA and then did the groccery shopping for the shower. we hustled around super walmart, the place i hate most in logan county, and then made a few more stops before going home.

beth made bean dip, i made cucumber sandwhiches and punch, while mom cut the fruit and veggies. i hopped into the shower and tried to find something 'slimming' to wear. i tried on 5 shirts. i told beth to pick the one that made me look the thinnest. this made her double over in laughter.

"you are pregnant, you know" she said slyly.
"hey pregnant girls still want to look slim...you just wait!" i warned her.

it was silly so i just threw something on...habit really...she and i have been dressing and asking each other those questions for years.

within an hour, my mom's house was packed. a lot of family, friends from high school, friends from college....lots of people i hadn't seen since my wedding almost 2 years ago. there were nine babies under the age of 1 and one ornery toddler who kept sticking his hands in the food.

i laughed...alot. i got to see faces i love and have so missed. i wish they could've all stayed for days.

sundays shower was less packed, but every bit as fun. less kids and so more games....we guessed baby food by the smell, guessed candy bars smashed into diapers to look like baby poop, and everyone got to use a roll of toilet paper to guess how big around i am. (i knew that was coming)

i had one recurring thought all weekend...i can't wait to live close enough to see these people more than once a year....

...thanks to all who came! i love you!

an ode to my almost sister in law look alike

2007-04-01T13:30:00.000-07:00

my huge family just got bigger.

last night my brother aaron asked the most amazing girl to be his bride...

"and she said yes!" he kept saying on the phone.

he had the speaker phone on...i could hear her giggling and crying. i knew just he was wearing that 'i-just-can't-stop-smiling' smile on his face.

i was thrilled.

he asked me a few days before if i minded him asking her before the showers since he didn't want it to overshadow baby mac. if i minded!?!?!? was he kidding? i have missed so much living across the country the last two years that i was thrilled to finally be in ohio for something important.

oh, that and i love her.

they recounted the story (i am not going to steal their thunder) and i thanked God. i have never seen aaron so extremely happy...relaxed...content...himself. she really does bring out the best in him.

so this an ode to beck....i love your sweatshirts and sweatpants and the easy, natural way you have about yourself. i love your giggle and the way your eyes light up. i love how comfortable you are with the family. i am honored that people think we look so much alike (hey, you are cute stuff!) i am so glad you are in the family now...so glad you asked me to be in the wedding,...SO glad you are moving to nashville too! (you have no idea!)

and so glad i get to call you sis, Sis.

welcome to the family miss beck

packing my bags

2007-03-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

you know you are excited about a trip when you are packing two days before you leave.

i am packing.

its monday and my flight isn't until wednesday and i am packing.

can you tell i am excited about going "home" to ohio?!?!?

the last time i set foot in the cornfields of ohio it was thanksgiving...that's four months! four months since i have slept at my mom's house, four months since i have seen little joe and joshy, and a lot more than four months since i have seen most of the friends and family i am going to see this weekend.

i can't wait.

i get home wednesday night and my sister beth is going to pick me up at the airport, thursday night i am going to hang out with my best friend from high school, friday night i am going to my brother ben's musical, saturday afternoon there is a baby shower at my mom's with her family & a bunch of my college friends, then sunday i get to go to the church i love in the morning and have another baby shower with my dad's family, and then on monday i get to spend the day with my family for my golden birthday! (26 on the 26th!)

it going to be a full and wonderful 5 days! and then when i come home tuesday shawn gets home 3 hours after me!

yay! yay! yay!

i will let you know how it goes and try to get pics too...

comments on babymac's page!

2007-03-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

i figured out how to add comments to babymac's site thanks to my friend joel...

so bookmark this page and visit there AND NOW SHARE COMMENTS!

http://web.mac.com/shawnmcdonald/iWeb/Site%205/Welcome.html

give me the good news first

2007-03-16T19:31:00.001-07:00

so i have some good news and some bad news...which do you want first?

the good news?

okay...here we go.

back in december shawn did something that was very uncomfortable for him and that very uncomfortable for him thing resulted in some serious relaxation for me yesterday.

the uncomfortable thing? a concert in someone's home that was attend by a family with 3 small children (one that played a toy guitar all through his performance and followed him into the restroom) and the parents' parents. now, if you ever have the notion to ask an artist to do such an event, please just don't. i know its seems like a good living-room-sing-a-long could be great fun...and it can be, provided that its your own living room and you actually know the people who attend. in all other circumstances, there is no great fun to be had in a in home concert.

anyway, shawn loves our local radio station and did the event for them for that one reason alone. he did it as a favor, but the radio station generously gave us a gift certificate to a nice resturant and also a gift certificate to a local spa.

and SO yesterday, all of that hard work and awkwardness, landed me 5 hours at the high end spa ummelina.

ahhh...thanks, babe.

when i booked it, shawn said jokingly, 'hey what about me?' (he knew the minute i saw that gift ceritifcate his spa days were over) i smiled, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and reminded him that i am the one carrying our baby for 9 months and hence, the one who really needs a day being pampered. i offered him the chance to carry the baby the last trimester but he politely declined.

plus, the pregnancy package was exactly the same amount as the gift certificate. it was meant to be.

now, i have had many massages in my life...but i had never had a day at a spa.

until yesterday.

i arrived at ummelina (www.ummelina.com) at my check in time and was immediately ushered into the changing room where i exchanged my tired pregnancy clothes for a thick terry cloth robe..(side note: its funny how you would never wander around in just a robe in front of anyone who isn't your spouse normally, but somehow in a spa everyone is walking around nonchalantly in robes and it feels completely normal) after i finished changing i rang a little chime and my escort returned and walked me to the sanctuary room. i sat in a great soft chair, was served pregnancy safe tea, had my feet washed and was offered my choice of aroma therapy. i sat there silently for almost a half an hour, sipping tea and smelling a lavendar blend called 'calm' while i looked out the window at seattle bustling on by... it occurred to me then, for the first of many times during the day, how hard it is for me to be still and quiet and doing nothing. i tried to calm my insides to match my surroundings. candles were lit everywhere...it was beautiful. i closed my eyes, breathed deep, and thought about the baby's movements....

my first treatment was the pregnancy massage. molly came and walked me to a room to shower before my massage. now, anyone who knows me, knows there is little i enjoy more than a shower or bath. i always tell shawn that in our next house i am going to have an extra shower head installed so imagine my delight when i walked into THE BEST shower i have ever seen! There were 12 shower heads on the sides of the shower she called 'massaging jets', one regular hand held shower head with amazing water pressure, and one shower head above that was huge and felt like gentle rain falling. i could have stayed in there all day if there had been somewhere to sit. there wasn't, though, and my pregnancy legs gave out after 20 or so minutes and got dressed and headed to the massage room. molly was waiting there and again offered me my choice of aromatherapy...this time i chose a citrus blend called uplifting. that was the first time i thought gratefullly of my hubby who had requested that i think of him often while i was relaxing and remember what he went through to give me such a great day... i thought of him because he loves citrus smells...and what i thought was something along the lines of 'here's to you babe!'

my thought didn't have long to linger because for the next hour and half, as i laid on a bed specially designed for pregnant women (complete with hole for belly so i could lay on my belly--- never knew how much i missed being able to do that!), molly worked magic on my tired and sore body. i have many massages, but this one was almost unearthly good in comparison. i have never been able to afford more than 40 minutes on a massage table, so the sheer length of time was unbelievable. she worked out the kinks in my back and shoulders and neck and feet. when it was over, if i hadn't been almost deliriously happy and sleepy, i might have kissed her. she walked me back to the sanctuary, where i drank lots of water and felt much more relaxed and still gazing out the windows at seattle than i had a couple of hours earlier.

the facial was next, and although refreshing, definitely my least favorite part of the day. i had to lay on my back with my head down on the incline table...baby mac was not happy about that position...and wiggled around the whole time and pressed so hard against my side and ribs that it was all i could think about. the room wasn't so dim and i had steam blowing in my face the whole time...BUT i will say that when i left, my skin had never looked so alive.

after the facial, more tea in the sanctuary. and then the final part of the day...pedicure and manicure. the bed was comfortable and the lights were dim as the estitician massaged my arms and legs and then hands and feet. she trimmed, and scrubbed, and filed, and painted. by the time she was done i was fast asleep.

i woke up, went to the sanctuary to sip some more and drink in the calm before i made my way to the front desk, handed them my gift certificate, and found my way hazily back to the garage i had parked the car in.

i don't think i ever really woke up. i sipped water all night, felt the toxins leaving my body, and dreamily went about my way.

that's the good news...the bad news? i will probably never do it again. i am too cheap. *grin*

other (much worse) bad news? shawn left yesterday after only 3 days at home...that's 3 of the 5 days i actually get to see him this month, now over. i didn't sleep so good last night with him away. and when i woke up this morning and the reality that he was in somewhere in texas connected with me (this didn't take long) i felt grumpiness come over me like a fog.

i guess the moral of this silly story is that even a whole day at the spa and sunshine the next, is not near enough good to outweigh the bad of not having the one you love close enough to snuggle...

sad, huh?

now do you wish you'd asked for the bad news first?

more later friends...

our alien baby

2007-03-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

click on the pic below to visit baby mac's site and read the newest blog 'our alien baby'...there are also updates on the 'about baby mac' page

enjoy!

married people pay attention

2007-03-09T13:26:00.000-08:00

hey..my dear friend jason holdridge wrote a blog that everyone who is married or who ever plans to be someday should read!

http://jasonholdridge.blogspot.com/2007/03/unloved-woman.html

nooma videos, natural birth, & why is it so many Christians have too much time on their hands?

2007-03-08T13:30:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to get a blog up for a couple of days now...and for some reason it just ain't flowing, friends.

but flowing or not, i am determined to crank one out today...its been a little while.

i actually have some things i want to talk about (esp. the 'why is so many Christians have too much time on their hands?' part of the blog) but first i think i will catch you up a little in case you want to be caught up...if not skip on down- i will not be offended *grin*

my belly is growing. so much so that my belly button is almost entirely popped out!

i have energy again and have been exercising a lot...which feels really good after months of not being able to do anything without feeling depleted.

shawn has been recording since 2/26 in nashville and he comes home sunday...he's had super creative, fun time in the studio with chris and neal and i have enjoyed the time to myself, but now i am oh-so-ready for my hubby to come home to me.

found out earlier this week that jetti is not pregnant (one of our dogs) and that was a great relief. i think one pregnant mammal per house is plenty!

life has gotten back into a pretty normal ebb and flow again...i get up, take all four dogs on a good long morning walk (i am sure we are sight to behold!), feed them, take some time to read, and spend the remainder of the day doing very normal things..paying bills, emailing, running errands, talking to my mom, catching up with friends, writing, doing dishes and laundry, mopping floors, and acting a disciplinarian and referee to our four adolescent dogs.

in the middle of all of that regular, ho-hum, normalcy a few moments of inspiration and anticipation and blood-boiling anger stick out as highlights.

tuesday evenings are usually spent with a handful of the most amazing women i know...we share our lives, pray together, and read the Word. this particular tuesday, however, rob bell (of mars hill church in michigan- not connected to the one here in seattle) was speaking of the university of washington and so we decided to go there as a group. now, i don't know if you've ever heard rob bell's name before or not...? he wrote a book some time back called 'velvet elvis' that i personally loved and found very enlightening and inspiring. his new book 'sex God' is making waves in mainstream culture as well...even good morning america is talking about this pastor who would dare to teach on sex! bell is the pastor of a large, somewhat unusual and unorthodox church in grand rapids, michigan. as an outgrowth of his church, there is a company called nooma (i have no idea if there is significance attached to that name) that makes these really amazing short films. the films are about spiritual issues, are done artistically and professionally, and last about 20 minutes long. i loved the few nooma videos i have seen and was anxious to hear rob bell in person. (see them www.nooma.com)

the evening did not disappoint. do you ever hear someone speak and think to yourself, 'quit reading my thoughts!' or 'get out of my head!'...??? i have that experience from time to time and tuesday was one of those times. i loved how authentic and honest and gut-level real bell was...he got asked what i think is the ultimate hard question about the Bible: "how can the God of the old testament who seems war like and barbaric be reconciled with the compassionate Jesus of the new testatment?" bell outlined the basic theological ideas on the subject, but wasn't afaid to state that its hard for him to reconcile...that it doesn't necessarily make sense to him...that even the best theological ideas fall short of making his heart understand. you have got to love that kind of painful honesty from a person who is standing in front of a packed auditorium as the question answerer.

his candor and sense of humor made him immediately likable without the impression that he was trying to win anyone over...i just liked the guy. what can i say? i think the impression a person makes in the flesh is pretty vital no matter how good their writing is... that and he reminded me so much of my beloved youth pastor, jason holdridge, that i kept having to do a double take just to make sure they hadn't morphed into the same person somehow.

my favorite part of the night happened to also be the most personally ironic part of the night for me. before the event began, i was sitting next to my dear friend annie and she and i were talking about an article i had read a few hours before that had literally caused my blood to boil...i was telling her about the article and how frustrated i was with one particular person involved and even more frustrated with the pervasive thought process and ideal that person represents in our Christian culture. exasperated, i ended in saying, "how is it that Christians have THAT much time on their hands? you think with all that is happening in the world, Christians would have something better to do than publically criticize one another!" soon after i blurted out that comment, rob bell appeared on stage wearing all black and looking younger and somewhat less 'cool' than i had expected. i stepped down from my soapbox as the crowd fell silent.

not long into the night, someone raised their hand and asked bell how he deals with criticism from his peers...the person went on to describe some of the criticisms she must have heard about bell and his church and their philosphy..."you know, how do you deal with people saying that you put too much emphasis on the love and compassion of God? (quelle horror!) and people who say you are too liberal, etc?" rob in complete transparency relayed how much it hurts to have his family and ministry and motivations called into question, said that he rarely reads blogs or reviews and tries instead to gage what he does by his time with God and people who actually know him (or who have at least met him!), and then he went on quoted how many people a day are dying in africa, talked about the great emotional suffering in our own country, how desperately his neighbors and community need him to be egaged and faithful, and said something to the effect of "i just don't have time to call into question the character of people who may think differently than me...and i am not sure why they have enough time on their own hands, with all the great need around them, to be so critical"

that was the point when i was like 'get out of my head, rob bell!' i saw annie snicker in my peripheral vision.

he also went on to say something i haven't thought about in a long time...and he said it better than i have ever been able to get the thoughts in my own mind to line up... he basically said "i am learning that throughout history and even in our own time, there are people who really believe it is their job to defend God, Jesus, the authority of Scripture, and all absolute truths..and those people will stop at nothing to do just that...not even venomous religiousity"

well said, mr. bell.

i started to blog about this tuesday night, but honestly i had to simmer down before i could actually post anything. i almost posted something tuesday before going to UW and now i am so glad i didn't. you could say i was slightly angry. that wouldn't have done my emotions justice, but it would be nicer than saying my face was red, my fists and jaw clenched, and my blood boiling! *grin*

i received a forward from a friend who often sends out forwards to keep his cohorts up on music, movies and issues of cultural significance. sometimes i read them, other times i don't. the short message my friend had typed just above the link said "this is a debate i would pay to see"- that caught my attention. who doesn't love a good debate? (okay, maybe its just my fiery little spirit..still...it caught my attention.)

i clicked on the link that took me to an article written by a man who is a leader in the association of evangelicals. he referenced a letter that was written about him by one james dobson and then went on to invite dobson to a discussion at the university of his choosing about the issue in question. now i was hooked. i make no bones about the fact that i do not care for james dobson. i don't think he is bad person, i dont doubt the man loves God, and i know a lot of people who have benefited from his books and such (to each his own), but personally i really don't care for his perspective and disagree with him on more than a few fronts. that said, i was very curious what dobson had written. i went right away to the link to his letter.

its kind of detailed so i will give you the long and short of it... apparently this man from the association of evangelics had come out and said something to the affect of "why isn't taking care of the earth more of a moral issue for Christians? why would we hear about global warming and think its an evil plot by those horrible democrats and just dismiss it? whether or not we believe global warming is happening, it is true that we have mistreated the world God created for mankind with our consumerism and wasteful ways...perhaps not what God meant when He told adam to have dominion over creation." of course, i am paraphrasing, but that is the basic point this man was raising...encouraging believers to think about stewardship of creation...

for reasons that i cannot understand or explain, although i read dobson's letter, this made dobson so irrirated that he and the "undersigned" (he had about 12 conservative Christian 'leaders' sign his letter too) felt the need to write a letter to the association of evangelicals (to which they don't belong, mind you) voicing their disdain. now i tried to follow dobson's logic on why the man's words were so offensive and it really didn't add up to me...but basically he was saying that the association of evangelicals needed to reign this man in because with his statements he was steering Christians away from the "real" moral issues of our time.

the man, in his blog, said yes he was broadening the base of moral issues for Christians to include something other than homosexuality and abortion and that he could see no reason the moral platform shouldn't be broadened. he then invited dobson to a discussion to find out what Christians of our time think are moral issues.

i am sure that will happen-
when hell freezes over.

after i finished linking and reading, i was in such a state of agitation that i thought i might implode.

seriously friends, DO we have that much time on our hands? your life and mine has an expiration date...we have only a few short years to be on the earth in the time and space that God placed us in...we have limited time to learn to love God and our neighbors as ourselves...we have limited time to reach out to the people we know... what a shame if we waste our time bickering with one another!!!!!

what a waste of our lives.

the foremost missionary in the new testament once wrote in a letter "beware of fighting over words...be careful you don't devour one another!"

why do we want to eat each other up? tear each other down? criticize and critique each other until all of our time to do good and be Jesus to our hurting world is lost in stupid, semantic-focused, debates?

it makes me sick.

i just want to say that there ARE more moral issues for believers than whether or not gay people should be allowed basic rights like medical insurance and tax deductions...that although abortion is a horrible stain on our country's fabric, its not the only horrible stain. was that man wrong to ask Christians to consider being better stewards of the world God lovingly created? come on... i guess because james dobson has decided he and the undersigned are the gate keepers of absolute truth and what matters to God, than that gives him the right to determine what issue is worth drawing attention to. never mind that this man, who also has a relationship with God, felt convicted about how we treat the envrionment (not to mention there is nothing about it that in any way contradicts the Bible!) They hadn't approved for discussion. End of discussion.

church, let's wake up and be the church.

i just got back from a life altering trip in africa and after spending my days with people who have no food, no money,no clean water, no freedom, rampant disease, and little hope for any of that to change....trust me, the moral platform should be broadened. darfur should be a moral issue for believers! AIDS should be a moral issue worthy of discussion in our Christian subculture... its funny isn't that JESUS felt the need to talk about the poor and somehow forgot to mention homosexuality as the major assault on faith, huh? and yet at this point in history, how much do you hear about the Church speaking up for the plight of the poor?!?!?

i guess we have the option to follow people who have proclaimed themselves to be the 'leaders' of Christianity and only care about what is important as they see it... OR we could actually read the Bible for ourselves..and be concerned MOST with the things that Jesus told us directly...to what is said to be pure religion "to care for the ophans and widows in their distress"... hmm, makes you think, doesn't it? maybe 'protecting' the faith by carrying signs that read 'God made adam and eve not adam and steve' while picketing government buidings isn't really the test of what it means to love God... and perhaps before we go promoting an agenda, it would be wise to humble ourselves, seek God, and ask Him how we can be salt and light where we are...

if it weren't for being pregnant, i would have more typing left in these fingers, but as it stands, my back is sore from sitting for so long...so alas i will step down from my soapbox...*grin*

love you all...you may not agree with me and that's cool. i just hope you think...dont' just accept everything you are told because the person doing the talking has been hailed a spiritual pillar...TEST EVERYTHING.

if you want to read any about the pregnancy visit baby mac's site...(check the blog before this one for the link) i was going to talk about how reading the birth book has me stoked about natural delivery...but i am tired. you can read about it there.

later, friends!

Baby Mac's Website has been updated!

2007-03-08T10:09:00.000-08:00

Visit my new baby blogs...click on picture to go right to the site!

Baby Mac's webite

2007-02-27T13:50:00.000-08:00

hey... if you want to check out this silly baby site i made....

http://web.mac.com/shawnmcdonald/iWeb/Site%205/Welcome.html

i am going to keep a 'baby blog' on there and also pictures...

only 13 weeks to go!

taking my own advice

2007-02-25T08:07:00.000-08:00

shawn had always wanted to see alexi murdoch live. so naturally, when it was brought to my attention that he was playing at a little club in downtown seattle while shawn was home, i was quick to purchase two tickets an evening at the Crocodile Cafe. but then yesterday, as soon as i lifted my achy, preggo body from sleep, i knew i wasn't going to be up for a concert that began at 9:30pm. luckily, shawn was able to connect with a good friend he hadn't seen since we got home from traveling and they played pool and went to the show together. i hear it was amazing.

carrying a baby around inside can be cumbersome, friends. i am just starting to really feel how heavy my stomach is...the skin is stretching and gravity is pulling and my back is taking the brunt of it. i can't believe i still have almost 3 months! they say pregnancy is 9 month, but its really 10...no one tells you that until you are already preggo! *grin* anyway, my short-not-very-big-body is starting to feel the strain...

i thought that's why i stayed home.

now i know God had other plans for my evening that had nothing to do with music or an achy pregnant belly.

the pups and i were curled up on the couch, dozing in and out of sleep...well, i was dozing anyway..piper was buried in a sweatshirt and not moving and jetti was snoring as loud as any overweight male human...i had kind of realized that the news had now become saturday night live, although it wasn't funny enough to keep my eyelids open...then at 11:45pm my phone rang. it startled me. i wasn't expecting a call. i looked at the screen with fuzzy eyes, thinking i might see "hubby" listed as the caller- but it wasn't him. i blinked rubbed my eyes and looked again. it was a dear friend of mine from back home. i blinked again. someone on eastern time, i thought. its way after 2am there. something isn't right.

i picked up the phone. my friend said 'did i wake you?' i realized how out of it i must have sounded. i assured my friend that i was just dozing and asked what was going on, although from the second i picked up, i knew somethng wasn't right. my friend kept making vague comments and i kept asking questions, trying to get my sleepy mind to wrap itself around the vague words..trying to figure out what was going on. finally, i prompted my friend to quit speaking in code.

after a sharp laugh of admittance, my friend plainly told me what had happened. i listened to one of my favorite people in the whole world tell me how badly he/she had blown it. the whole evening was recounted with my friend stopping every few minutes to give him/herself a verbal slap. 'what was i thinking?' 'how could i be this stupid?' 'what have i done?' 'i can't believe i did this!' 'crap! i am such an idiot' 'what a mess'...

i felt for my friend. wished i was closer. wished i could pop in my car and drive over and be of some comfort. look at each other eye to eye. there is probably no feeling worse than knowing you let yourself, others, and God down. with each word, i heard in voice of my friend deep regret and dread of what consequences tomorrow might bring. it was heavy.

you see, my friend came to know the Lord a little over 5 years ago and her life is probably one of the most changed i have ever seen. its such a privilege when you are able to see a person's life transformed by the truth of Jesus made real to them. i have seen nothing short of a miracle in this person. at times when i felt no inspiration to keep pressing on, a word from this person would remind me of what God can do with a willing heart. this friend now has an amazing ministry through his/her work and constantly amazes me with stories of how God is touching people through his/her presence and friendship.

my friend tripped up last night. after 5 years of losing an appetite for certain sins, my friend fell down.

i felt no reprimand in my own heart. i know that's why my friend thought they called...to get a reprimand, a little smack to get back on straight and narrow...but i felt i had no sharp words. i felt compassion. my friend loves Jesus and has given up so much to follow Him. i know that hadn't changed despite the events of the evening.

the words that tumbled out of my mouth, i know were from the Lord, because i was too tired to think straight and even if i had been able to think straight, i am not very wise.

'friend, did you forget that you are human? prone to falling? whether it has 5 weeks or months or 5 years or 50, you need Jesus now as much as you did before one thing in your life had changed...you know that right? don't ever be surprised at what your flesh is capable of doing or of how easily you can start living out of it!

yeah are people going to know about it? maybe. does it have to ruin the ministry in you life? i don't think so. honesty is the best policy...if someone you have been witnessing to asks you about tonight, tell the truth. you let your guard down and you fell. you love Jesus, but you need Him every bit as much as they do...you aren't perfect. a humble, honest heart will draw someone in...don't be afraid of the very humanity that is your reason for so desperately needing someone to save you.'

i heard myself quoting romans "all things work together for good to those who love God and called according to His purposes' i reminded my friend that whatever is in her life, surrendered to God, He will use for His purposes in her life.

my friend protested.

i urged her not to beat herself up. to confess, to be honest, and to move on. 'don't give the devil a tool to beat you with by not believing God is both willing and able to forgive this'

my friend continued to protest.

then something came out of my mouth that i know what no thought of mine. how do i know? because i needed to hear it as least as bad as my friend did in that moment.

'if you beat yourself up about this, especially in front of the people you are working with, what do you think their impression of God will be? if you keep saying how you blew it, how you let God down, if you won't give yourself some grace, if you won't believe that the mercy of God really is new every morning- what do you think that will tell them about God? that He is obssessed with perfect behavior? not ready to forgive? punishing? unmerciful? that His grace has a short arm? is that what you want to tell your friends about God? is that how you know Him to be?'

these words began to preach to my spirit as i spoke them.

'do you really think your ministry at work is sustained because of your lack of certain sin for 5 years? come on...God is big enough to sustain His ministry in your life through this bump in the road. this isn't going to take you out..but if you believe that God is sitting up in heaven, wagging His finger at you, rather than understanding His deep love for you as his child THAT my friend will take you out. i am not saying God doesn't care about tonight, i am saying He does. He cares about YOU in this moment...your heart, your guilt, the pride that let you believe you were past falling...but not in the way that He can't wait to turn you over His knee and teach you a lesson! confess to Him, really trusting in His character...trust that He wants to scoop you up and dust you off and heal your scraped knees. He wants to set your feet back on the path, not because He is annoyed with your short comings, but because of His great love for you and for the purposes He placed in your life before you took your first breath.'

peter came to mind. the man Jesus called a rock and said the church would be built on....the same rough edged man who had a foul mouth and swift temper. after walking with jesus and seeing miracles and being personally instructed, peter denied christ in the hour of his need. Jesus built the church on a man who talked big, but then cut off someone's ear and was afraid to even admit he knew Jesus for fear of his own life. that gives me hope. did peter change? yes, but not overnight. not even after three years of living with Jesus in the flesh was he perfect. i am so glad God uses the imperfect.

we got off the phone shortly after talking about peter. ironically enough, my friend's devotions were about peter earlier in the day. ..another little peice of evidence of God in our late-night-confession-session. i hung up the phone, now fully awake, and the words ran over and over through my mind.

i knew i needed those words as badly as my friend. i have been struggling with some hidden sin. i could say i am not going to name it in this blog so as not to glorify my flesh, but in reality,embarressment and shame and guilt are probably more the reason than any other thing. i have myself been wondering if God could really use me despite my character flaws. i have been thinking about the book shawn and i are doing with world vision and wondering if it would fail so God could teach me a lesson. it sounds dumb, but the fear was there. i had let my guilt lead me into hiding and fear, rather than confession and freedom. i haven't been believing the truth about God in my own life...you can imagine my surprise when i the words i spoke to my friend urged him/her to think correctly about God!

i found a quote i written in a journal years ago this morning.. "so if to think is the easiest thing in the world, than to think rightly is the hardest" SO TRUE! the world of the mind is a mysterious place...my pastor from home says that if you feel afraid as a believer, its not really your own fear, but you are owning the fear of your enemy, who is always afraid. i had taken my guilt handed it to my enemy and allowed him to beat me down with it.

this morning, i am trying to think rightly. trying to take my own advice.

or perhaps, i should say, the urging of my Father who longs to pick me up, dust me off, touch the broken parts, and set off with me on the path He has prepared for my life.

have a blessed sunday, friends!

i have been traveling for 2 days, please don't strip search me!

2007-02-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

its only 8am here in seattle and i should be waking up, but as it turns out, i just never went to sleep.

over the course of the last 17 days i have lost a day, then gained a day, then lost another day...i was a full day behind my normal pacific time orientation in new zealand and then adjusted to a 12 hour time change when we arrived in africa. my body isn't quite sure what to think.

i had this great plan to sleep on the flight from south africa to amsterdam and then stay awake for the flight from amsterdam to seattle...we were to arrive home at 2:30 and i figured i would keep myself up until 9pm and sleep like a rock all night waking up this morning somewhat oriented to the time.

it was a good plan.

i did manage to sleep on the flight from south africa...we lucked out and had a fairly empty flight so i had a whole row to lie down in. i sleep over 8 hours of the 11 hour flight. it was glorious! (words rarely heard in the context of flying) i got to keep my feet elevated and that left me with unswollen feet. any woman who has been preggo can tell you that is glorious in and of itself. then we got to amsterdam and found out the flight was delayed 4 hours....once we finally boarded we then had to sit on the runway for another almost 2 hours and wait for the plane to get de-iced (what a change amsterdam weather proved to be from the sauna of african heat!) and waited its turn for take off. by the time we took off, i was fighting heavy eyelids.

so i slept more than half of the second flight. so much for the plan.

we got in at 8pm and spent the next two hours dealing with customs and baggage claim while our good friend matt circled the airport waiting to take us home. the line for customs was long...it was a big plane and we were seated near the back. it had seemed a good spot during the flight- close to the "potty" - which i visited every hour or so. but standing at the back of that long line, waiting to be drilled by US customs officers, i gave our seating a second thought. so rather than be bothered by it, i called my mom and let her know we'd made it back from our literal trip around the globe in one peice. we handed the customs officer our passports when our turn came. he smiled, asked the normal questions, and stamped our papers, and i thought to myself "that was easy".

we went to get our bags...which all were already waiting on us, patiently riding the circular path around baggage claim 2. we loaded the 3 bags and the guitar up and marveled that they had actually arrived on time from johannesburg. again i thought "that was easy"

we pushed our cart through the baggage area and handed our stamped passports to the man at the last check point, lugging our ridiculously heavy backpacks. he asked where we'd been, glanced at our lovely passport photos, but instead of sending us on he ushered us to the right where bag searches were taking place.

so much for easy.

we waited for almost an hour while 3 uniformed customs agents unpacked 3 large suitcases, the guitar, both of our over-loaded backpacks, and even my shopping bag full of stuffed safari animals for the baby's room. no one could accuse these guys of being the tiniest bit less than thorough...gums wrappers even got a second look! i grimaced as they looked through my undergarments, removing each one by one..shawn winced as they wiped down his expensive camera gear. they grilled us with questions...where have you been? with whom? why? who paid for your tickets? did anyone give you anything in africa? how long were you in amsterdam? what has been your itenerary over the past 3 weeks? etc etc. they often asked the same questions again...they took our social security numbers, asked if we'd ever been arrested, and swiped our passports again and again.

looking at my clothes dirtied with african clay scattered about, i started to even feel guilty. all i had was clothes and books and stuffed animals and some little art peices i bought from an africa primary school we visited in zimbabwe and i felt guilty. i can't imagine how guilty some would feel if they were actually doing something illegal.

those customs agents know how to do their job.

eventually the USA decided to let us back in...thankfully, just short of a strip search.

i was tempted to complain....then i thought about the place where i had spent the last couple of weeks. i thought about the government there...how it holds the people down...changes money frequently to make sure no one can get ahead, won't subsidize school so that all children can go, has practiced genocide so recently that everyone is scared to say anything against their tyrant of a leader (who just moved the election back another 2 years..can't even imagine it)....i thought about that a little bit as we loaded our bags into matt's waiting blue jetta and decided to skip complaining about the inconvenience we had just experienced.

i am sometimes one to point out everything wrong... i don't know who made me the critic...but i sometimes can think of lists and lists of thing that frustrate me about american politics and culture- but man, we just don't know how good we have it here. its not perfect..corruption exists, but it pales in comparison to the corruption our african neighbors know.

i feel thankful and sobered by our trip.

there will be many stories to follow... i am having a little culture shock and just beginning to process the trip...but many stories to follow.

in other news, we have narrowed the name search. not that i am sharing the names, but its fun to think about the little person flipping around inside me as a person with a name...i still have quite a wait, but every day the urge to know this little one's face and personality is steadily growing. i find myself gazing at shawn, wondering if he/she will have his jaw line or nose or thick eye lashes. i wonder if he/she will inherit his wavy hair or my stick straight strands.

i have so struggled to enjoy this pregnancy...africa cured the issue. i fell in love with my ever-growing bump and the amazing feel of the baby kicking and tumbling around inside me. our baby is super active...i wonder when he/she sleeps?!?! that comes from me, i am afraid. shawn can feel the baby kick now and its a really beautiful thing to share and marvel at...

oh, and i fell in love with my hubby all over again on this trip. more about that later too.

blessings, friends